Tag Archives: true love

  do not marry the ambitious

Ann Romney To Obama: Please Don’t Kill Mitt With A Missile If I’m Nearby

Ann Romney is no dummy, you guys! She knows all about how much Obama loves killing all of his enemies with missiles from flying death robots. And who is the Obama Administration’s most hated enemy? Well, it’s probably whoever the CIA has picked out of a hat as “al Qaeda #2″ is this week, but after that, it’s Mitt Romney all the way. Probably one of those EPA drones is coming for Willard any day now, and so Ann Romney has a message for the drone-meisters: “Not when I’m next to him you better not.” Can Ann stop missiles with her mind, or is she just hoping not to go out Afghan-wedding style? Read more on Ann Romney To Obama: Please Don’t Kill Mitt With A Missile If I’m Nearby…
  cyberbullying

Allen West Will Fake-Execute You If You Question His Devotion To Ryan Budget

Oh, good heavens, what has powerful nutball Allen West gotten himself into today? Something insane? Something creepy, perhaps? ALL OF THEM. Representative West, an actual elected official with hands on the levers of government, loves fellow representative Paul Ryan’s proposed budget plan SO FUCKING MUCH that even questioning that love is a “suicide mission” that may give you permanent deadness. Which, what? We could understand getting intemperately het up about Paul Ryan’s very serious and dreamy Jimmy Stewart-blue eyes, as this is a condition an estimated 76 percent of media personalities suffer from. But the budget plan itself? Uhhhh, why don’t you go ahead and put it back in your pants, Congressman? Read more on Allen West Will Fake-Execute You If You Question His Devotion To Ryan Budget…
  true love waits

BREAKING: LEVI AND BRISTOL TO PUT THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN OF HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE “Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston say they’re engaged and hope to get married within six weeks in Alaska … Palin and Johnston tell the magazine they reconnected while working out a custody plan and became engaged two weeks ago.” Ha ha, there is literally nothing hotter than talking to your dimwit ex about who is required to care for your mistake-baby at what times; it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that, when the math and calendaring overwhelmed their feeble brains, they just fell to fuckin’. I bet grandma is psyched! “Representatives for Palin did not immediately return messages from The Associated Press seeking comment.” [AP] Read more on …
  love will find a way

BREAKING: LEVI AND BRISTOL BACK ON, TRUE LOVE STILL POSSIBLE

Americans are absolutely shattered over the tawdry end of the Gores’ marriage, and need affirmation that love is still possible, because otherwise the whole country’s going to turn to alcohol and cutting to restore meaning to life. Well, good news, everyone! High school dropout Levi Johnston and successful motivational speaker Bristol Palin have decided to reclaim the title of “Americas Sweethearts” that Al and Tipper so cavalierly threw away, according to the unimpeachable investigative journalists at Us Magazine! Read more on BREAKING: LEVI AND BRISTOL BACK ON, TRUE LOVE STILL POSSIBLE…