Tag Archives: truck nutz

  here is your monday testicle report

It’s Been Another Banner Day in News About Truck Nutz

Nashville Nutz Alert operative “Ames” sends your Wonkette this delightful nature photograph of Truck Nutz roaming free and happy in the wilds of a Tennessee parking lot, for all of us to enjoy. Savor it while you can! The Truck Nutz report from South Carolina indicates that over there, the species is being hunted to extinction: “For the second time in a year, a motorist has been ticketed in South Carolina for displaying a replica of testicles on a vehicle.” Heartbreaking. [AP via one million concerned tipsters] Read more on It’s Been Another Banner Day in News About Truck Nutz…
  from our own correspondent

Truck Nutz and Newtonian Child Labor On the Florida Campaign Trail

Our libertarian-Bostonian correspondent is on the road in Florida, chasing the GOP clowns. Here is a video-photo dispatch from him! JACKSONVILLE — We always feel bad for the poor interns/work-study kids who get stuck holding those goofy signs in spin rooms after debates. Don’t their arms get tired? We asked one of the poor bastards stuck with this post-debate task, “What’s it like?” Maybe it’s all part of Newt Gingrich’s plan to make poor kids clean the school toilets? Read more on Truck Nutz and Newtonian Child Labor On the Florida Campaign Trail…
  justice report

UPDATE: South Carolina Sheriff Thrown In Jail After Issuing TRUCK NUTZ Fine

INSTANT COMEUPPANCE, BIYOTCHES. The killjoy police chief who fined a 65-year-old woman for hanging red Truck Nutz off her pickup truck turns out to be a bit of a “Joe Walsh” himself. He was tossed into the clink for owing $15,000 in back child support payments that he hadn’t paid since 2006. Is it sheer coincidence that he was finally arrested mere days after he decided to hunt down Truck Nutz? TRUCK NUTZ 1 POLICE 0. Read more on UPDATE: South Carolina Sheriff Thrown In Jail After Issuing TRUCK NUTZ Fine…
  the death of fun

South Carolina Launches All-Out Assault on Truck Nutz

OH COME ON, as though somehow there are people out there who don’t love Truck Nutz? Judging by the number of people who sent us this tip, absolutely NO ONE in all of space/time except a humorless douchebag police officer who issued a $445 ticket to a 65-year-old woman for putting giant red balls on her truck, along with some prosecutor who ran out of black people to throw in prison and will now make this lady stand trial for being a public fan of novelty testicles. We might as well be living under Stalin. Read more on South Carolina Launches All-Out Assault on Truck Nutz…
  he has sarah palin's disease

Mitch McConnell Quits Debt Talks, Tells Obama To Just Do Whatever So GOP Can Blame Him For It Already

Ever since the fake “should we raise the debt ceiling debate” started (the answer is YES OF COURSE), the GOP has been using this fake debate as leverage to extract deep cuts from any social program not for millionaires as a condition for approving a ceiling hike. “No ceiling hike without spending cuts aimed at killing the poor” is the demand they have made over and over, and that Obama insanely agreed to even while¬†alienating everyone in his party, just to get a deal done. This has been going on for weeks. So, after all this, brave hero Mitch McConnell announced he no longer wants to make ANY spending cuts just so the deal fails and Obama is forced to raise the debt limit on his own. Read more on Mitch McConnell Quits Debt Talks, Tells Obama To Just Do Whatever So GOP Can Blame Him For It Already…
  american innovation

Finally, Truck Nutz and Scooters Unite

We’ve made it to the mountaintop, dear readers. First there were Truck Nutz, the automotive accessory a certain segment of the electorate used to alert others to their tenuous hold on masculinity. Then arose the Scooter People, the Tea Party faithful who realized the greatest dream of humanity: using a motorized wheelchair to save their obese selves from ever again having to exert themselves by walking. For too long, these memes have charged on independently. But today, they unite, stronger together as one. Watch out, Obama. The scooters now have testicles. Read more on Finally, Truck Nutz and Scooters Unite…
  they don't even have generals to fire

Canada Spills Earthquake Mess All Over Northern U.S. Border

This afternoon Canada had a socialist 5.0-magnitude earthquake all over its Eastern “provinces” of Ontario and Quebec. This being Canada, those brash, inconsiderate bastards, they couldn’t keep the thing to themselves — so for 30 seconds, Americans in states from Vermont to Michigan HAD TO DEAL with things shaking. Here’s yet another case of a Commonwealth country popping open the Earth and causing a huge spill (this one made of vibrations) on America’s borders. Is this the Queen’s attempt to take back and tax America? It’ll take more than that, m’lady. Expect Obama to send you a bill for any porcelain truck nutz that fell off our mantles and shattered on the floor, Canada. Read more on Canada Spills Earthquake Mess All Over Northern U.S. Border…
  bomb texas from space

Texas Candy Car’s Truck Nutz Rock the Handicapped Spot

Wonkette operative “Polly M.” was just hanging out at her local AutoZone parking lot in Austin when she saw America’s Most Shocking Set of Truck Nutz. The Skittles, the chrome rims, the weird soccer-ball bumper testicles, what does it mean? It means America is back, babies. Read more on Texas Candy Car’s Truck Nutz Rock the Handicapped Spot…
  miles and miles of truck nutz

Texan Lady Sad About Those Vulgar Truck Nutz Dangling From the Bumper of Every Texan Vehicle

Here’s an Ironic Dilemma of Our Times: The only people truly offended by the dumb novelty item called “Truck Nutz” live in the only places where Truck Nutz are commonplace. Conservative church ladies simply don’t care for the plastic replicas of giant testicles swinging from all those pickup truck bumpers. Aren’t white people supposed to have morals? Read more on Texan Lady Sad About Those Vulgar Truck Nutz Dangling From the Bumper of Every Texan Vehicle…
  the great bonercare debate

Hopeful GOP Health Care Lobbyists Already Setting Up Shop In Northern Marianas

Now that the House is debating the Republican health care alternative, the sweeping “BonerCare” of ancient lore, it’s a good opportunity to share this amazing (and ominous — mostly ominous!) photograph from commenter “mollymcguire,” who actually lives in the Northern Marianas, as a sex slave who is currently getting railed by Tom DeLay or whatever in the back of this Jeep with the Truck Nutz. After BonerCare passes both the House and Senate 535-0 — as expected within the next few minutes — the streets of Saipan shall be rife with Truck Nutz. Read more on Hopeful GOP Health Care Lobbyists Already Setting Up Shop In Northern Marianas…
  poor old lindsey graham

‘Crooks And Liars’ Commenter loquaciousmusic Is Famous On Teevee!

Congratulations to veteran commenter “loquaciousmusic,” a part of whose sexy comment on some stupid post from 2008 was featured on last night’s The Daily Show in a segment demonstrating how fun it can be to make gay jokes about Lindsey Graham on the Internet. But oh, what is that credit in the upper-left corner? “CROOKS AND LIARS,” the pay-pornography site? Jon Stewart, you sack of devils! First the uncredited Truck Nutz jokes every other night — we literally own that company — and now this! Funny show, though. [Jezebel] Read more on ‘Crooks And Liars’ Commenter loquaciousmusic Is Famous On Teevee!…
  no they're called truck nutz

‘Real World DC’ Architectural Mouth-Rape Fortress Also Includes ‘Love Sacks’

Whoa, the news scoops keep coming from City Paper about the horrific plans for the Real World gloom factory on 20th St. NW: The contractors have been instructed to install frightening “Love Sacks” — five of them, in a testicle-shaped “bay window,” so that neighbors and passers-by will have to watch the eight (?) cast members in constant acts of sodomy whilst perched upon said Love Sacks. Read more on ‘Real World DC’ Architectural Mouth-Rape Fortress Also Includes ‘Love Sacks’…
  whoa

Loose In DC Tonight: The Mother of All Truck Nutz

Wonkette operative “Ali” sends this stunning camera-phone image of the biggest, baddest pair (trio?) of Truck Nutz in American History, attached to a golden fire chariot you need a step ladder just to see inside. This car, obviously, belongs to Rahm Emanuel. Read more on Loose In DC Tonight: The Mother of All Truck Nutz…
  jesus fucking christ

Florida Reveals Tasteful New License Plate

Who’s classy now? Florida, again, as always! Here’s the new “vanity plate,” featuring America’s favorite (?) Christian star, Dead Jesus Hanging Off a License Plate With an Orange Behind His Head. This is gonna look sweet with a brass pair of Truck Nutz swingin’ down below. [The Awl] Read more on Florida Reveals Tasteful New License Plate…