Tag Archives: trolls

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!

Haha, 'COORS'
Since Disqus has brought us a bunch of new commenters (Hi! Welcome To The Monkeyhouse! Play nice!), we’d just like to ‘splain why we moderate comments in the first place, instead of allowing unfettered Free Speach: It’s because we are big believers in the First Amendment, which gives us the right to run our little mommyblog/recipe hub/Pony appreciation society however the hell we want to. It’s our parlor, and if we choose not to invite someone in because they’re intent on muddying up the carpet and shitting on the credenza, or even if we don’t like their Gadsden Flag t-shirt, that’s our business. Don’t like it? Do some Free Enterprise and offer the Editrix an obscene amount of money to buy the site so you can change how things work. (We hear she’ll only sell if the staff get some pretty impressive golden parachutes.) Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Shoot-Out At The Not-Okay Corral

Dear Princess Celestia: Why do you hate Free Speach?
Oh, it has been a busy week in Deleted Comments land! Thanks to our switchover to Disqus, the comments are a bit more Wild West-y than they had been — in Olden times, new commenters had to be approved, but now, Yr Moderators have to patrol the dusty streets and clear them of miscreants who shamble into view. Happily, you Wonkers are all deputized to help us keep our comments section a happy Radical Liberal Secularist Leftist Libunatic playground as well, via the “flag” option that appears when you move your mouse over any comment, like so: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Shoot-Out At The Not-Okay Corral…
  Thanks a lot DICK

Twitter Sucks, Says Twitter

Official Dick of Twitter
Are you a person who writes words on the interwebs for fun and/or profit? Do you make jokes and do hashtags on The Twitters? If so, this SHOCKING! revelation from Twitter CEO Dick Costolo is not going to SHOCK! you so much as make you go, “Uh yeah, DICK, we know.” Read more on Twitter Sucks, Says Twitter…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: In Which We Hear From Some Turkeys

We elected not to use the Cosmo-Kramer-as-turkey image we first saw. You're welcome.
We really were planning to just get a couple of new posts up today and then coast on recipes while getting ready for Thanksgiving, but darned if we didn’t notice a couple of high-priority, short-shelf-life messages from idiots in the Comments queue. They simply would not wait until after the weekend, no sir. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: In Which We Hear From Some Turkeys…
  Duggar? I Hardly Even Knew 'Er!

The Duggars Want Photos Of Happy Married Couples. Gay Folks Know What They Must Do

So beautiful and Goddy
Hey, kids, the Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, First Family of the Quiverful movement (motto: “Babies For God! Shoes For Industry!”), just put up a Facebook post to let the world know that married people kissyface is the greatest thing in the world. And they were actually being very brave, because someone on the Internet was rude to their perfect newlywed daughter Jessa, after she posted an InstaSnoggogram photo of her and her new husband, ManFace, locking lips. Here’s the Duggartext, with the interesting part for us bolded: Read more on The Duggars Want Photos Of Happy Married Couples. Gay Folks Know What They Must Do…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: You People Lost An Election, So Shut Up Now

Equestria's political system is a matter of some speculation. Fandom is weird.
As you may have heard, there was an election this week, and The People Have Spoken. Or at least The People who bothered to vote have spoken, and they are the ones what matter. Not surprisingly, the results of the election have sent ripples into the fetid exploding foamy pigdoot lagoon that is our comment queue, and so in the spirit of sharing, we bring you this important note from “collioure1,” who wants us to know that Our Side Lost, and we therefore have no call to question the brilliance of Senator-elect Joni Ernst: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: You People Lost An Election, So Shut Up Now…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Electoral Dysfunction Edition

Wonkette does not allow magic scrolls, either.
Is it Saturday already? Must be time to put on the old Hazmat suit — which we never leave the house without now, on account of the ‘bola — and go skim off the worst of the dumbth in the comment queue for you, our dear readers. It’s an eclectic grab bag of goo this week, but we see that we moved some folks to political activism! Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Electoral Dysfunction Edition…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments of the Week: We Need To Worry About Guns Because ‘White Is Almost A Minority’

How can we ever win back the trust of an offended MRA? Perhaps with ponies?
Another Saturday, another trip to the comments queue! We never know what sort of detritus we’re going to fish out, but we can always guarantee that it would benefit from a few passes with a high-pressure steam hose. This week, we don’t seem to have any overwhelming theme, just a mixed grab bag of stupid. Read more on Deleted Comments of the Week: We Need To Worry About Guns Because ‘White Is Almost A Minority’…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: An Armed Society Will Teach Black Teens Some Manners

Scootaloo's more of a Zbigniew Brzezinski fan
It’s time for our weekly mucking-out of the ol’ comments queue — a chore that we manage to be more diligent about than we are when it comes to changing the water in our betta fish’s tank. Sorry about that, Flushy, but the slime is just a lot thicker in the comments queue. This week, we have some fresh steaming nonsense from a couple of Internet warriors who are quite unhappy at the life sentence handed to Florida sociopath Michael Dunn in the first-degree murder of Jordan Davis. According to one “Jim Smithill,” Jordan Davis got exactly what he deserved for being a black teenager in a vehicle that was rudely playing loud music — as we all know, it’s the thuggish rear-seat passengers who cause the most trouble: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: An Armed Society Will Teach Black Teens Some Manners…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Lieberals And Your Stupid Fake ‘Global Warming’

My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot by Scientists to Raise Your Taxes and Destroy Freedom
Oh, golly gee, this will be a fun edition of Dear Shitferbrains, because not only do we have a genuine climate denier in our the ol’ comments queue, we also have a concern troll who accuses us of being fascists, a possible Poe’s Law enthusiast (or straightforward lunatic), and a Ben Carson fan. AND MORE! Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Lieberals And Your Stupid Fake ‘Global Warming’…
  History's Greatest Monster Watched 'The Untouchables' This One Time

Gateway Pundit: Why Is Barack Obama Throwing Molotov Cocktails At Those Nice Policemen In Ferguson?

Who speaks for the finger puppets?
Barack Obama briefly addressed the situation in Ferguson, Missouri, today, calling for calm and saying that there was no excuse for violence against the police, but “there is also no excuse for police to use excessive force against peaceful protests.” Read more on Gateway Pundit: Why Is Barack Obama Throwing Molotov Cocktails At Those Nice Policemen In Ferguson?…
  the violence inherent in the system

Anonymous Very Definitely Identifies Police Officer In Michael Brown Shooting, Or Maybe Not. Who Can Say?

This is probably shopped. You can tell from the pixels
The hacktivist group Anonymous claimed this morning that it had identified the Ferguson, Missouri, police officer who shot Michael Brown to death on Saturday, but the St Louis County Police Department stated that Anonymous had the wrong name; as of right now, the Twitter account that released the information has been suspended. So here’s how it shook out: Read more on Anonymous Very Definitely Identifies Police Officer In Michael Brown Shooting, Or Maybe Not. Who Can Say?…
  i love my teabag but oh you kid

Stupid Rightwing Anti-Bowe Bergdahl Facebook Page Is Now All Full Of Goats

Oh, hurrah, the goatz have struck again! For some while now, a clever fellow calling himself Busta Troll has made a hobby of rudely seizing control of egregiously rightwing Facebook pages and replacing their idiocy with pun-filled images of goats. It would be inaccurate to call this “hacking,” since that actually requires playing dirty with computer code; no, this is far simpler. Busta Troll simply hangs out on a wingnut Facebook for a while, pretending to agree with them, and then asks for administrator privileges (which is ridiculously easy), so he too can post cool anti-Obama stuff there. And then after he takes over, GOATS! The latest victim: a page called “Bowe Bergdahl is NOT a hero.” It now offers a far more wholesome, goat-oriented discussion of L’affaire Bergdahl. For Goat Justice. Read more on Stupid Rightwing Anti-Bowe Bergdahl Facebook Page Is Now All Full Of Goats…
  get a brain moran

Arizona Schools Chief Super Busy Penning Anonymous Blog Comments About Poor People, Lazy Pigs (Same Thing)

Well here’s a variation on a theme: A Republican official has been caught posting rude crap to the internet, but for a change, it’s not pictures of watermelons in front of the White House. Which is a step up, maybe, except that it turns out that the official, Arizona state schools Superintendent John Huppenthal, has been leaving a whole bunch of anonymous wingnut comments on blogs; and lots of them have been about what a great job Arizona state schools Superintendent John Huppenthal has been doing. Oh, and also stuff about how people on welfare are “lazy pigs,” Franklin Roosevelt caused the Great Depression and helped bring Hitler to power, and Margaret Sanger personally aborted 16 million black babies. Among other things. And yes, of course, he posted a lot of those comments from his work computer, because obviously slagging on welfare moms is part of the mission of the Arizona Superintendent of Public Instruction. Can’t have effective schools if Poors are buying crab legs on the public dime, right? Read more on Arizona Schools Chief Super Busy Penning Anonymous Blog Comments About Poor People, Lazy Pigs (Same Thing)…
  revenge is best served With a dollop of sour cream

Hero West Virginia Restaurateur Won’t Feed The Trolls — Just Everyone Else

Daniel McCawley, the owner of the Atomic Grill in Morgantown, West Virginia, has achieved a Flawless Victory over a troll who wrote an online restaurant review suggesting that the servers should “show more skin.” And so McCawley obliged, by introducing a new dish for the restaurant: from May 16 to Memorial day, Atomic Grill will offer a potato skin special, with all proceeds — not profits, proceeds — going to the West Virginia Foundation for Rape Information Services. That’s just about the Platonic Ideal of a turning a fuck-you into something beautiful, and our only regret is that we live in freaking Idaho, where a person just can’t find a potato for love nor money. Read more on Hero West Virginia Restaurateur Won’t Feed The Trolls — Just Everyone Else…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cornucopia Of Creeps & Crazies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we take a good stiff metaphorical cleaning tool to our browser tabs, collect the stories that are too stupid to ignore altogether but not enough to deserve a full post, and serve them up to you in a metaphorical beverage that we urge you to consume a literal perception-altering agent of your choice before reading. Our Prime Derp this week was pretty much dictated by the mugshot above, which is the bug-eyed visage of one Bernard Marsonek of Tampa, Florida. Yup, Florida Man strikes again. Mr. Marsonek was arrested after neighbors flagged down police to report that he was doing sex to his pit bulldog. In his yard. While the neighbors yelled at him to please for the love of god stop sexing his dog in the yard, if that wouldn’t be too much trouble, please. When the cops interviewed Marsonek inside his house, they also found that he possessed a handgun, which led to another charge since he had a prior felony conviction (we don’t know what prior felony that was, and we don’t think we want to know). Eight pit pulls were seized and taken to Animal Services, and Marsonek was also charged with aggravated animal cruelty and sexual activity involving animals. The one good thing to come out of this story? Wingnuts who worried about the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” can be reassured that dogfucking remains illegal. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cornucopia Of Creeps & Crazies…
  nasty vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Should Have Found A More Racist Picture For That Story On Immigrants

Time for another plunge into the ol’ comments queue, and the good news is that we just got a new shipment of industrial-strength rubber gloves! Our first missive comes from wannabe art director “rogerinorlando,” whose name and location we will not release. Rogerinorlando was not pleased by DDM’s choice of graphics for a recent story on Kelly Ayotte’s proposal to offset the cost of unemployment benefits by raising taxes on immigrant families, since so many of them are rolling around in giant pots of very little money. To be specific, rogerinorlando was displeased that we’d used Dorothea Lange’s “Migrant Mother” photo, because that woman was a migrant, not an immigrant: Poor choice of a photo, one which doesn’t match your subject or thesis. That iconic farm woman shot from the ’30s doesn’t have anything to do with this particular debate. An Okie, a sharecropper, a Dust Bowl survivor, I forget the exact context. But there are plenty of loaded images you could have chosen that would have made your case and added the element of race to it. This was lazy. Damn straight, rogerinorlando. We will correct that right away. Say, you do know, don’t you, that the original photo is just propaganda anyway, right? Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Should Have Found A More Racist Picture For That Story On Immigrants…
  tales of epic trolling

Cool Republican Bro Had Fun Spreading Dumb Fake Hurricane Rumors Last Night

Good morning, New Yorkers! We hope that you are reading these words right now, because that means you have power and Internet access and probably are in your own home, which we sincerely hope is not soggy and gross! Last night was pretty bad for New York, but we know that not everyone can be out protecting the public or repairing downed power lines or carrying sick babies to safety, so many were at a loss as to how to conduct themselves in this treacherous hour. Some read, or dicked around on the Internet, or Instagrammed pictures of destruction, while others, including an extremely minor GOP NYC luminary who went by ComfortablySmug on Twitter, just stone cold spread a bunch of fake rumors about storm damage, for kicks. Read more on Cool Republican Bro Had Fun Spreading Dumb Fake Hurricane Rumors Last Night…
  aww

Big Gubmint’s So-Called ‘Probation’ Keeps James O’Keefe Out of Tampa

What has the mean old federal government done to rising indie filmmaker James O’Keefe now? They won’t even let him go to Tampa for a speaking gig. Today he was scheduled to speak and take questions at a luncheon hosted by the James Madison Institute, some winger think tank or another. Now he’s doing that by Skype, because there’s a little thing called “probation” on his record from that time he and his idiot friends tried to break into the telephone system of a federal building in Louisiana, to record a Senator. Why are government laws suppressing James O’Keefe like this? Read more on Big Gubmint’s So-Called ‘Probation’ Keeps James O’Keefe Out of Tampa…
  le sigh

Pot Fanatics Ruin Obama’s Attempt to Talk About Serious Things Again

In another failed attempt to have a Serious Discussion about things that allegedly matter to the American people, like the invisibility of jobs, the mirage-like appearance of money and the light-as-air noggins of the land’s lawmakers, the White House held a contest to see which American person-submitted questions President Obama should answer in a YouTube Q&A happening Monday afternoon, another installment of a thing they call “Your Interview With the President.” AS USUAL, the people took a vote and said DRUGS! Basically everything was about drugs. The things that weren’t about drugs had to be flagged for removal due to inappropriateness. Americant! Read more on Pot Fanatics Ruin Obama’s Attempt to Talk About Serious Things Again…
  online strategeries

John McCain Assembles Army Of Commenters, Enticed By Valuable Prizes

You know how Barack Obama’s people have the whole “Fight the Smears” thing, where you copy and paste some text that says, “I’m very disappointed in you, Barack Obama does not worship the Shark God even though he is from Hawaii” and you spam it all over the place? Well, about FOUR MILLION YEARS after the Democrats came up with this crazy idea that they could “harness the power of blogs” or whatever, John McCain’s Internet wizards have finally unveiled their own version called, let’s see, Spread the Word. Because they are Capitalist Pigs, they offer material incentives to their “volunteers,” such as three minutes in heaven with Miss Buffalo Chip in exchange for spamming 4,000 liberal blogs with claptrap. Read more on John McCain Assembles Army Of Commenters, Enticed By Valuable Prizes…