ATTN: Andrew Sullivan has postponed the Internet today. MORE »

And so continues the most sordid tale in the history of Earth, in which Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston argue publicly about who called Trig Palin a “retard,” how many times, and with what inflection. You’ll recall that yesterday, Levi went on teevee, uhh, some show, let’s say game one of the World Series, in which someone—probably Derek Jeter—asked him whether or not it was true that Palin called Trig a retard constantly. He affirmed! Now Meg Stapleton is like, “Yeah, nice try, except impossible, because were too busy calling Trig a ‘blessed little angel’ to call him a retard.” No but like actually. MORE »

What a way to cap off this frighteningly violent, evil hellscape of a week! Here we have Sarah Palin — on Facebook, to be sure — taking her nastiest remarks from the past, stacking them, lighting the stack on fire, and throwing it square between the eyes of America’s Future, WOW: “The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.” This is the most sublime Trig joke ever written. [TPM]

Famous bad mother Sarah Palin, hot off her successful campaign to fire David Letterman, from television, is now yelling about how some other random person hates or rapes her children. See that photoshop up there of Governor Palin with Bristol Palin’s child, Trig? We thought “Verne Troyer” too, but no, it is the head of conservative Alaskan radio host Eddie Burke, who is in love with Sarah Palin. The terrifying graphic is the work of “the liberal Alaskan blogger, Celtic Diva,” who earlier this month pushed some other story about Todd’s snowmobiling clothes. Now Palin has denounced the blogger through her evil spokesperson Meg Stapleton, who released a statement saying, “The mere idea of someone doctoring the photo of a special needs baby is appalling.” Oh.. oh MEG. MORE »

Hark, what arriveth in our inboxes? It doth verily appear to be a “peggy noonan” Google Alert! What pleasures cometh our way on this Holy Day of Eleckt. We all remember that fateful day in 2006 when Peggy Noonan first chanced upon a Mexican — how her quill flowed, then! — but now Ms. Noonan has broken another barrier: speaking with a Mexican. And not just any Mexican, either: Kathryn Jean “K-Lo” Lopez, the former office secretary of National Review! What results is a tempestuous sojourn into the black heart of the American bizarre. MORE »

Well, that’s it, people! After weeks of saying, “oh yeah, let us get those records together, all those detailed and important medical records, there are so many of them to compile,” Sarah Palin’s people pooped out this doozy last night: a two-page fax from a kindly community doctor who reveals that Sarah Palin is a healthy woman who exercises. MORE »

Little baby Trig must be so glad he wasn’t aborted for this, his first Halloween, because his parents dressed him up like a political party symbol to be carried around at snarling political events. Aww. Isn’t life just grand? [HuffPo]

• OFFICIAL TRIG PALIN BABY CONSPIRACY TIMELINE! Well, sure, let’s have Vanity Fair take a go at this thing. It’s a chart! [Vanity Fair]