Life in DC was exciting for about two and a half seconds when Brad Pitt visited in order to make out with Nancy Pelosi in her private chambers. Oh and then Richard Gere popped by also, which nobody cared about so much. Has Richard Gere been in a movie where he shows his admirable lack of vanity by starting out all gross and warty and gradually aging into a beautiful young specimen of flesh? Nope. Anyway, in lieu of Pitt sightings we bring you word of such handsome hunks as Trent Lott, Jonathan Martin, Patrick Leahy, and Christopher Hitchens.

When you go to your local Harris Teeter do *you* see somebody who looks vaguely familiar, and there you are racking your brains wondering if you should say hello or not, and then you remember you saw them on “Hardball” talking about agricultural subsidies? Send us word of these life-changing events! Write to tips@wonkette.com with the subject line “Wonk’d.” MORE »

Famous racist Trent Lott is, more or less, a god. He may not be a senator anymore, and he may not like black people — I mean, HE REALLY HATES THEM! — but he definitely was, you know, a legislator for many years. To honor his legacy, various county chambers of commerce in Mississippi are honoring him today with “Trent Lott Appreciation Day.” Hooray! MORE »

Clues for Discovering Closet Fascists: Do they complain that the Senate is bad without Trent Lott and John Breaux? Do they say “it must be no fun with you guys gone”? Do they say “I would like to be a Senator if I could hang out with you guys”? Do they call Trent Lott and John Breaux “great veteran political heroes and legends of the Senate”?? Maybe if Trent had never resigned, Chris Matthews wouldn’t have had all these problems.

Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour reportedly plans to announce that Congressman Roger Wicker will be filling Trent Lott’s Senatorial shoes until the next election at least. Chip Pickering, who was initially considered to be the obvious choice, told everyone last week that he really did want to spend more time with his family, which means he is either poised to make a shitload of money as a lobbyist or has a sex scandal in the wings. We’d say more about Wicker, but he’s sorta boring and virtually unknown, which is probably why they chose him. [Yahoo News, Clarion-Ledger]

After Trent Lott announced his resignation last week, we were reminded that (adoy!) Larry Craig is the last remaining, er, member of the Singing Senators. The gayest Republican a capella group on Captiol Hill is now a one man act, if at all. Formed in 1995, the barbershop quartet stopped performing when John Ashcroft lost his seat in 2000. Then Jim Jeffords bolted the party. And now Lott is out, sort of speak. “It’s the biggest musical breakup since the legendary Ben E. King left the Drifters,” says The Washington Post. Without Lott, the Singing Senators Are of One Voice [WaPo] MORE »

Yesterday evening, your editors got more than a dozen breathless tips that the “real” reason Trent was resigning was that he was about to be outed in a gay sex scandal. We had a number of reasons that we didn’t post it, including: one of us felt Trent was too cheap to pay for it, even if he wanted it; we all agreed not even a closeted gay man would wear his hair like that; we’d been burned on a story like this before and hate having to issue corrections; and if he was trying to hide his gayness, he would never in a million years dress like this.

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With Lott’s “surprise” resignation announcement today, the real question is who will take over the seat by appointment until January 2009? Most of the speculation rests of the boyish shoulders of the dude on the right, Mississippi Congressman Chip Pickering. Chip is the son of Charles Pickering, who couldn’t get confirmed for an appeals court position despite his son’s lobbying efforts. Chip also announced he wasn’t running for reelection this year because he really, really, really wanted to be a Senator but no one had yet resigned and so he was taking his toys and going home (or, more likely, becoming a lobbyist). Coincidentally, Chip used to work for Trent. [CQ Politics, The Clarion-Ledger, CNN]

A show of hands for who believes that Trent Lott really resigned to spend more time with his family or whatever! No one, right? In that vein, we begin the irresponsible rumor-mongering list of the real reason for Trent’s resignation after the jump.

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It’s official! Sen. Trent Lott is resigning! After 35 years of terrorizing The Hill with all sorts of fucked up, marble-mouthed Southern deep-fried bullshit, Lott trots back home to Ole Mississippi.

Here they are, in happier days: The Singing Senators barbershop quartet! Pictured from right, that’s Jim Jeffords, John Ashcroft, Larry “Wide Stance” Craig and Trent Lott, performing Judy Garland songs. They also performed a beloved selection of Barbara Streisand numbers and once opened for Rufus Wainwright Jr. Ha ha, just kidding, they weren’t actually any good so they didn’t open for anybody except the, uh, Oak Ridge Boys in Branson, Missouri. That part is apparently true.

The Singing Senators: Behind the Music [The Fed]

John McCain has a hundred soldiers protecting him as he braves markets in California, Karen Hughes atones for the Administration’s moral failings one spoonful at a time, Rahm Emanuel stuffs his own face every night of the week, Trent Lott names things after himself, Christopher Hitchens is surprisingly solvent, Chuck Hagel’s offspring is surprisingly not repellent, and our favorite Marine can’t stay semper fi to just one lady.

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