Tag Archives: trees

  You'll Go Blind But The Planet Will Thank You

Pornhub About To Provide An Even Greater Public Service Than It Already Is

Used to be a man (or a lady!) could watch some tentacle porn in peace, not having to worry about how it might affect the planet at large. But now, thanks to the hippies at Pornhub, we’re all expected to act locally and wank globally. Pornhub, a website that is exactly what it says it is, has announced an exciting Arbor Day initiative that will transform your base, sinful urges into pure, sweet oxygen. According to the (SFW) website for Pornhub’s campaign, in the week following Arbor Day on April 25, Pornhub is donating one tree for every 100 videos watched in its “big dick” category. “While you’re watching some nice pieces of ash, you’ll also be helping spruce America up! (Bushes are optional),” the website says. Oh ho ho, Pornhub, with your saucy sense of humor! Still though, trees, wood, engorged sexual organs, we get the connection here, very clever Pornhub. Read more on Pornhub About To Provide An Even Greater Public Service Than It Already Is…
  paving paradise

Tennessee House Fights 20-Year-Old UN ‘Sustainability’ Plan, Because ‘Forced Abortion’

The Republican swath of the Tennessee House appears to have gotten an email chain letter from far-right crazy uncle the John Birch Society (desperate times), and the Tennessee House has heeded its call! Seems the New World Order managed to pass a truly insidious United Nations plan called Agenda 21 (it just sounds communist, wouldn’t you say?), and the Tennessee House aims to stop it! The point of Agenda 21, according to the U.N., is to support sustainable development: to “alleviate poverty and curb global warming,” as the Tennessean puts it. Tennessee House GOP translation: THESE TREE-HUGGIN BABY-HATIN COMMIE FOCKERS! Read more on Tennessee House Fights 20-Year-Old UN ‘Sustainability’ Plan, Because ‘Forced Abortion’…
  arbour day funeral

Liberal-Obama Climate Change Now Killing All White House Trees

Time and again since Barack Obama took office, “severe weather” has been blamed for the destruction of many beautiful old trees all around the White House grounds. Why does this socialist Muslim president hate our nation’s trees so much? As an example of why magazines should not have websites full of cutesy bullshit blog posts, Atlantic Monthly has this web thing jokingly blaming Barack Obama for knocking down a bunch of old elms and such, on the White House grounds, because of all the constant insane weather that has gotten much worse, nationwide and worldwide, since Obama took office back in January of 2009. Read more on Liberal-Obama Climate Change Now Killing All White House Trees…
  america's human garden gnomes

A Children’s Treasury of White House Trees

Who knew that our Historical First Ladies (and Queen Elizabeth) were such arborists? For centuries, patriotic ladies have cultivated the White House gardens by shoveling dirt atop already planted trees — and their efforts have made our Nation’s Capital safe and tourist friendly. The White House gardeners also helped, by actually planting the trees. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of White House Trees…
  urban hip-hop slang

What Is This Trash Talk Of Which You Speak?

Yesterday the President and First Lady and Bill Clinton and some other important types planted some stuff out on the Anacostia River, including a tree or two, and Barack started joshing with Michelle about who’s the better tree-planter. This completely confused one “Political Punch” reader. SHHHH nobody tell them that “talking trash” is code for “doing it in the butt.” [Political Punch] Read more on What Is This Trash Talk Of Which You Speak?…
  o rly?

GOP Congressman: There Are 40 Barrels Of Oil In Every Tree

Idaho Congressman Bill Sali has been participating in the current GOP Cuddle Party For Oil. But no one will listen to him even though he knows everything! In fact, he could solve the entire energy crisis in one hot minute if people paid any damn attention, because he knows that there “could be up to 40 barrels of oil” in a single tree. Ha ha, look at what you’ve really been hugging all these years, you filthy liberal hippies: a filthy casket of crude oil. Unless somehow Sali doesn’t know what he’s talking about? Read more on GOP Congressman: There Are 40 Barrels Of Oil In Every Tree…
 

Metro Section: Totally High

* “Did you ever try calling a Senator’s office, or a real representative’s office, and been told they can’t talk to you because you are not a constituent? I’ve hit upon a solution: our very own Pasquino!” [A Portable Snack] * President of the Washington, D.C. NAACP Chapter, Lorraine C. Miller, is first African American Clerk of the United States House of Representatives. [Native Son] * Metrobus kills two women at 7th and Penn. [WP] * Belgian’s Blusser is only on tap in four places in the world. DC is home to two of them, Central and Citronelle. [Counter Intelligence] * Beautiful DC dogwood tree. [The Average Blogger] * Tickets now on sale for annual WABA Gala. Intern Lauren has attended the past two years and vouches for the open bar and totally high level of fun. [WABA] Read more on Metro Section: Totally High…
 

Daily Briefing: That’s What She Said

* President Bush says he plans for the military to stick with the “bigger is better” plan. [WP, NYT, LAT] * He goes on to talk in code about midterm elections, says, “there was sex,” and indicates intention to work with Democrats on passing immigration and Social Security overhauls. [WP] * Robert Gates spends his second day on the job in Iraq, listening. [WP] * Dick Cheney will testify on behalf of Scooter Libby using his classic “let me tell you something, son” style. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT] * Condoleezza Rice showing signs of “emerging pragmatism” that may allow her to actually accomplish something in the next two years. [WSJ] * Maryland Rep. Chris Van Hollen takes DCCC chair. [WP, NYT] * Visions of the White House dance in Virginians heads, as James Gilmore says he’s in for 2008. [WP, NYT] * We never needed that anthrax vaccine anyway. [NYT] * “You could say D.C. is the new North Carolina.” [WP] Read more on Daily Briefing: That’s What She Said…
 

Energy Department Report: Trees Will Kill Us All

Way to go, hippies — we listened to you bitch about not irreversibly altering the Earth’s climate, we put some of your beloved “trees” on some mountains, and now they’re going to kill us all. Read more on Energy Department Report: Trees Will Kill Us All…
 

Katherine Harris: Hit It and Quit

Katherine Harris has rally to demonstrate support of GOP bigwigs, no one shows up. Harris said there had been a location change for the rally and that may have delayed some of the expected “special guests.” Harris said the event was supposed to be at a different hangar at the Orlando Executive Airport, but “apparently a tree fell on it.” Read more on Katherine Harris: Hit It and Quit…