Wonkette

Oh hey Hank Paulson is talking to some lawmaker types, and a reader wrote in and was like, “Could you liveblog this?” and we thought, aw hell, we have already ripped all the hairs out of our ears and marinated in salt this morning, so why not engage in the last unpleasant activity available to us. How many drawers are being soiled in the Senate Banking Committee right now? Let’s check it out! MORE »

• GO GET YOUR MONEY PEOPLE: Collapsing investment banks are yesterday’s news, trendsetters! Now we can turn our attention to the biggest possible commercial banks failing miserably, like, say, Washington Mutual. And when that collapses on Sunday, probably, it will likely drain up what’s left of the FDIC’s insurance fund. The FDIC can always get more money from the Treasury, or we can just have a BANK RUN!!! EVERYONE RUN TO THE BANK!!! PANIC! CHAOS FIRE OBAMA BURN!! [AP]

RON PAUL MUST HELP BLACK VAMPIRE TAX HERO! The Feds threw the book at American cinema/tax hero Wesley Snipes! Three Years for just evading income taxes and escaping to Africa. FREE WESLEY SNIPES! [New York Times]

Movie hero Wesley Snipes is beloved by Americans for killing vampires and helping Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis colonize space planets for the American Dream, but now the Evil American Government is trying to destroy him for protecting your tax rights! The celebrity star is in Florida today so a federal court can sentence him for tax evasion. The feds want to put him in jail for three years! But Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson have arrived in Florida and they are going to bust him out of the joint, hooray! UPDATE: Nooooooo! Three Years! [CNN/Ocala.com]

Hank Paulson was brought in as Treasury Secretary to signal Bush’s willingness, in the tail end of his second term, to work with leaders from both sides of the aisle, and also because Bush does not actually give a shit about the Trearusry Department. Paulson, a shining star in the private sector, has received positive reviews from Washington pols, though he’s also accomplished jack shit. MORE »

While you’re not really working and getting ready for the Jesus’ Special Day, people who Hate Our Freedoms (TM) around the world are plotting against Washington. And it’s working. Expect a Great Depression by Super Bowl Sunday: MORE »

Flush from reporting the breaking news that tourists are often confused, the Washington Post breathlessly delivers the scoop that government workers are often bored. Once we were able to get the blood rushing back to our head, we heeded Amy Joyce’s tale of Bruce Bartlett’s many lost afternoons as deputy assistant secretary for economic policy in the Treasury Department: MORE »