Tag Archives: trayvon martin

  Won't Someone PLEASE Think of George Zimmerman?

George Zimmerman: God Made Me Do It

Screengrabs are fair use, right? Yeah, pretty sure they are. We can always add a pony so it's parody.
Now that the Justice Department has declared George Zimmerman a swell human being who merely shot and killed Trayvon Martin but didn’t violate his civil rights, Mr. Zimmerman sat down for a spontaneous, not-at-all scripted-sounding interview with his divorce lawyer, Howard Iken, who apparently doesn’t just do divorces, but is also branching out into journalism. Watch out, Terry Gross, Howard Iken is gunning for your time slot! We’d embed the video, but that is Not Allowed; you can view the whole abomination here. Read more on George Zimmerman: God Made Me Do It…
  Florida's own human crime spree strikes again

George Zimmerman Goes With Wine Jug For Lady-Beating, For Variety

here I am in court again!
Do you wish you could read more words about George Zimmerman, Florida’s own human crime spree and killer of unarmed black teenager Trayvon Martin? Has it been too long since you read one month ago about how Zimmerman thinks it would be a good idea for people like him (aka people who like to violence other people on the reg) to buy “self-defense” insurance? You are possibly thinking, “I wonder what George Zimmerman is up to these days, and if has stood his ground at anyone lately,” and if you are thinking that, then today is your lucky day. Read more on George Zimmerman Goes With Wine Jug For Lady-Beating, For Variety…
  Gun Radio: A Radio Show For Guns

George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!

Ready for all comers
George Zimmerman has a lot of free time. His notoriety prevents him from seeking conventional employment, evidently, and he got fired from his last unpaid gig in that the owner of the gun shop he was lurking behind at night for security told him to stop it already. Plus there’s that price on his head. Read more on George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!…
  It's Hard Out There For A Sociopath

George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet

Ready for all comers
It’s been a little while since we’ve checked in on the escapades of Completely Innocent Teen-Killer George Zimmerman, at least not since he got fired from his pretend duties as a night watchman at a gun shop that hadn’t invited him to watch it anyway, followed about five seconds later by an alleged incident of gun-waving road rage. Read more on George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet…
  Fingering the Perp

George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day

Don't make George Zimmerman ask you twice.
Well well well, look who else is hoppin’ aboard the “Do You Know Who I Am?” Express! First it was Sarah Palin, and now it’s Neighborhood Watch aspirant George Zimmerman. What do you s’pose Georgy Porgy is up to these days? Guarding more gun stores? Tweeting out Anne Frank quotes? Trying and failing to muzzle the free press? Nope, none of those things! Instead, Zimmerman is asking “Do you know who I am?” in connection to a road rage incident that was reported to 911. Josh ‘n the Gang at TPM have the deets. Read more on George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day…
  #MadAboutAThing

Very Serious WaPo Journalist Quite Disappointed Obama Hasn’t Fixed Racism Yet

We all remember when silly naive Barack Obama ran for president and announced his plan to single-handedly end racism forever. Oh, you don’t remember that? Funny, that’s how Very Serious Washington Post journalist Chris Cillizza, aka The Fix, remembers it. Read more on Very Serious WaPo Journalist Quite Disappointed Obama Hasn’t Fixed Racism Yet…
  Be More Afraid Please

Evil Stupid Dick Explains Why Michael Brown Deserved To Die

He's a GANGSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, everybody, just stop feeling bad about the police in Ferguson, Missouri, shooting unarmed 18-year-old Michael Brown dead while he had his hands up — Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man On the Internet, wants you all to know that it’s no big loss, since Michael Brown was a 100% certified GANGSTER who HAD A GUN (maybe, in a Facebook photo of a completely different person — give him time, and Hoft will probably start hinting that Brown had a gun when he was shot, too). While the photo above has been in circulation since shortly after Brown was shot, Our Stupid Hero appears to be the first to jump from “photographed gesturing like a rap gangster” to “was a GANGSTER.” Hoft has since backed off that original headline, of which Chris Johnson at Little Green Footballs wisely archived a copy at Webcitation in case Hoft “tries to edit it without admitting it.” Which Hoft did, of course. Read more on Evil Stupid Dick Explains Why Michael Brown Deserved To Die…
  Things Were Really Looking Up For Ol' Zimm

George Zimmerman Goes On Patrol Again, ‘Guards’ Gun Store For Free, Gets Canned

Guns! Guns! Guns!
So here’s the latest in the epic wanderings of George “Killer But Not A Murderer” Zimmerman: He got a great gig playing Night Watchman for “Pompano Pat’s,” a motorcycle-and-guns shop in DeLand, Florida, the very same gun shop that made some headlines last year when owner Pat Johnson offered Zimmerman a free gun just days after he was acquitted of killing 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. And just to make things interesting, it’s not an actual job, but more of a hobby or something — Pat’s was robbed earlier this month, and then Zimmerman just sort of showed up to sit around outside the store at night, keeping an eye on the place. Read more on George Zimmerman Goes On Patrol Again, ‘Guards’ Gun Store For Free, Gets Canned…
  who mourns for a dimwit?

Stupid Constitution Won’t Let George Zimmerman Sue NBC For Being Mean To George Zimmerman

Poor George Zimmerman just can’t seem to catch a break. Despite his best efforts, there are still people who don’t see him as a hero. Worse, his fledgling career as an artist seems to have stalled out, and while plenty of people might want to punch him right in the nose, he can’t do it for money. And now, he can’t even look forward to taking the LIEberal Media to the cleaners for unfairly editing his 911 call, because his lawsuit against NBC has been tossed. Poor guy. It’s as if the only thing that went well for him was getting away with shooting a black kid to death. As the song asks, is that all there is? Read more on Stupid Constitution Won’t Let George Zimmerman Sue NBC For Being Mean To George Zimmerman…
  suffer little children

Unsurprisingly, David Brat’s Primary Campaign Was Run By A Smug Baby

We knew that David Brat, the literal David to Eric Cantor’s figurative Goliath, would be a source of endless joy and terror for us, but even we didn’t think it would happen so soon. But the very morning after the amazing, stunning upset, one Zachary Werrell, Mr. Brat’s 23-year-old campaign manager and angry toddler, had to do some serious downsizing of his social media presence because of how his Facebook account was pretty much nothing but a cesspool of contrarian bullshit. Read more on Unsurprisingly, David Brat’s Primary Campaign Was Run By A Smug Baby…
  child killer available for your next event -- call now

Crowd Of Almost 20 Lines Up To Meet George Zimmerman At Florida Gun Show

Poor George Zimmerman is a victim once more, this time of a callous public that failed to turn out at a gun show to meet him and get his autograph. Don’t people understand that if George Zimmerman isn’t constantly applauded for his brave ground-standing, the spark of freedom will be extinguished and he might have to get a job? Read more on Crowd Of Almost 20 Lines Up To Meet George Zimmerman At Florida Gun Show…
  i'm a pasty!

Poor George Zimmerman Just Can’t Catch A Break, Except For That Getting Away With Murder Thing

George Zimmerman is BACK y’all! He is back to whine soulfully at you about how hard it is to be George Zimmerman. Why, people are vocal to him! Him! George Zimmerman! Who is a real swell guy! George Zimmerman would like to further his education and become a lawyer, so he can do good in the universe like not let other people get “scapegoated” by Obama for reasons unknown. But while he may not know why “Obama” scapegoated him, he does know this: Read more on Poor George Zimmerman Just Can’t Catch A Break, Except For That Getting Away With Murder Thing…
  scam your ground

Elegance Maven Nancy Grace Finds These George Zimmerman / Rapper Person Fisticuffs Most Unseemly

Carrion-feeding HLN anchor Nancy Grace is not one bit happy about this upcoming pugilistic contest between acquitted teen-shooter George “Sweet Florida Justice” Zimmerman and rapper person “DMX,” who sounds like an additive you’d find in cough syrup. Grace, whose career consists of walking viewers through the sordid details of crimes — for educational purposes, of course — told CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin Wednesday that Zimmerman’s participation in the ostensible fundraiser for charity was nothing more than a tasteless attempt to gain publicity and money off of other people’s misery. We now pause for readers to take something for that irony-induced migraine that just hit. Read more on Elegance Maven Nancy Grace Finds These George Zimmerman / Rapper Person Fisticuffs Most Unseemly…
  bungle in the jungle

It’s Official: Rapper DMX Gets Chance To Go All Mike Tyson On George Zimmerman

We’ve been debating whether to avoid giving George Zimmerman additional oxygen for his crass fauxlebrity boxing event, but let’s face it: he’s a perpetual motion machine of terrible, and we’re duty-bound to write about it. His fight opponent will be rapper DMX, who already said he’ll piss on Zimmerman, so at least there’s that. Read more on It’s Official: Rapper DMX Gets Chance To Go All Mike Tyson On George Zimmerman…
  not at all foxy boxing

George Zimmerman Thoughtfully Offers Other Semi-Famous People A Chance To Punch Him In The Face Repeatedly

You guys, we’re beginning to think that George Zimmerman might be the tiniest bit attention whore-y. There’s the whole “look at me! I am making Provocative Paintings” thing and now Georgie Boy has clawed his way back into the public eye by telling god and all comers that he’d like to do a celebrity boxing match with all proceeds going to charity. Read more on George Zimmerman Thoughtfully Offers Other Semi-Famous People A Chance To Punch Him In The Face Repeatedly…
  Contemporary Fart

Great American Artist George Zimmerman Is Tired Of Being Evil Jasper Johns, Is Now Evil Shepard Fairey

Who is the most famous contemporary American artist? It’s debatable, but probably George Zimmerman. We are being serious. Jesus fudge, we really are. Prolific, too! Here is his latest: a monochrome horror smear of Angela Corey, the Florida prosecutor who had the nerve to charge the nascent artist with murder even though it was legal to kill Trayvon Martin because there were no witnesses. The thing has words on it, about the American judicial system, and how this lady does not respect it. It’s a tour de force of ironic juxtaposition, as well as a turgid commentary on intellectual property and postmodernism, as evinced by its potent use of the Shepard Fairey Hope Generator. Read more on Great American Artist George Zimmerman Is Tired Of Being Evil Jasper Johns, Is Now Evil Shepard Fairey…
  Read No Evil

Florida State Attorney Does Not Believe In Fancy Book Learning, First Amendment

We all know about how Sarah Palin makes sure to read all the newspapers in existence, though if you ask her about that, you’re being a bitch and you get what you deserve. In stark contrast to the voracious reading habits of Ms. Palin, we have the State Attorney for Florida’s Fourth Judicial Circuit Court, Angela Corey, whose office prosecuted George Zimmerman, and who is proud to declare that she is not in need of any fancy news-reading, thank you very much. State Attorney Angela Corey of the Jacksonville-based 4th Circuit doesn’t read newspapers and doesn’t think the public should know any details of a criminal case until it goes to a jury.[…] Property Appraiser Jim Overton asked Corey about a story The New York Times had recently done on a police investigation in St. Johns County. Corey said she hadn’t read it because she doesn’t read any media. “I don’t read any newspapers,” she said. “My people tell me what I need to know.” Read more on Florida State Attorney Does Not Believe In Fancy Book Learning, First Amendment…
  i still beliebe

George Zimmerman Is Your New Anne Frank

These days George Zimmerman is taking a cue from all those people comparing themselves to Gandhi, and Mandela, and Rosa Parks. Almost (actually, not “almost”) to a man, those people were in fact fighting for the opposite of what Gandhi, and Mandela, and Rosa Parks were fighting for! (It was pretty funny, except for how it was dumb.) Realizing he could live (quite nicely) in Opposite Land, Zimmerman has reframed himself not as a person who victimizes anyone weaker in his path — a teenage boy (at least when Zimmy has a gun), a woman (at least when Zimmy has a gun), another woman (at least when Zimmy has a gun….) — but as the ultimate victim. Poor George, everyone is always out to get him. And that is why he is just like Anne Frank. Read more on George Zimmerman Is Your New Anne Frank…
  As If Ruining Jazz Wasn't Enough

White Man Charged With Hate Crime For ‘Knockout Game’-Style Attack, Wingnuts Furious

The ‘knockout game’ is over. OK, it was probably never even a real thing in the sense that it was hard to see how it was any different from getting “snuck” by “some idiot” which has been going on “since forever.” Never mind that. Pretend it was real, and that it was a big deal. Now be relieved, because it’s not cool anymore. White people are doing it now. The knockout game is now pretty much the Macarena. Meet Conrad Allen Barrett, the Kenny G of the knockout game. He allegedly attacked a 79-year-old black man in Texas: Read more on White Man Charged With Hate Crime For ‘Knockout Game’-Style Attack, Wingnuts Furious…
  from the author of 'what's so great about christianity'

For This Beautiful Holiday, Dinesh D’Souza Makes Us Thankful We Are Not Dinesh D’Souza

Twitter is, of course, the place where people go to embarrass themselves in public. That’s just part of the day-to-day background noise. Throw in a national holiday, and you get all sorts of beautiful new opportunities to be an ass. Case in point, this tweet from conservative intellectual powerhouse Dinesh D’Souza, who’s thankful that America will survive Barack Obama even though D’Souza himself markets rhetoric about Obama being the death of America forever. But, apparently, now the threat that Barack Obama poses to America is not that he’s an obsessive anti-colonialist who wants to ruin America so that America will become more like his beloved Kenya or something. Now, the threat is that Barack Obama is a grown-up version of a scary drug-crazed thug hologram that conservatives have erected over the grave of a dead seventeen-year-old. Haha, it is so amusing, this tweet about a dead boy that D’Souza rather quickly deleted! Read more on For This Beautiful Holiday, Dinesh D’Souza Makes Us Thankful We Are Not Dinesh D’Souza…
  Won't someone please think of poor poor George?

George Zimmerman Domestic Violenced His Girlfriend Because He Has PTSD From Killing That Kid That One Time

So remember how Brave Ground Standing Hero George Zimmerman was arrested for domestic violencing his girlfriend? Of course you do, because it was just the other day, and even if you missed the headline, you are not the least bit surprised because that sure does sound like goofy ol’ George, doesn’t it? Well, it turns out there is a perfectly logical explanation for why George had to break all his girlfriend’s stuff and point his gun in her face and also choke her a week before that. It is The Media’s fault, of course, for turning previously Real Nice Guy George Zimmerman into Still Real Nice Guy But With Issues George Zimmerman. Here, let Mr. Jack Cashill of World Net Daily (so you know it should be taken very seriously) explain: “I’ve talked to his father and his brother and they said he’s just not the same person. I would say PTSD is probably a pretty good description of what’s going on,” Cashill told WND. “They took his job, took his marriage, the whole thing cost him tremendously and the media gloried in his screw-ups.” Read more on George Zimmerman Domestic Violenced His Girlfriend Because He Has PTSD From Killing That Kid That One Time…
  who's zoomin' who?

Not News: George Zimmerman Arrested In Domestic Violence Call; News: Apparently There Is A Woman Dating George Zimmerman

The Orlando Sentinel has confirmed that George Zimmerman, the white-Hispanic knight who saved Florida from hordes of ravaging teenage boys going to the market, has been arrested. Details of the arrest were not available, but here is some serious What the Fuck: Read more on Not News: George Zimmerman Arrested In Domestic Violence Call; News: Apparently There Is A Woman Dating George Zimmerman…