Tag Archives: travel

  but he never trusted parisian barbers

Once Again Mark Twain Right About A Thing

It’s always encouraging to find a line from a favorite writer being borne out by Science. (SCIENCE!) For instance, a recent social science study was inspired in part by a Mark Twain quote, from The Innocents Abroad: Read more on Once Again Mark Twain Right About A Thing…
  middle east mittens

Mitt Romney’s Slaphappy Israel Party: A Roundup

Mitt Romney had mondo problems winning over the British on the first leg of his diplomatic photo-op vacation, so you know what? Screw the “Special Relationship.” Israel is now more special-er to the United States Empire than England ever was, harumph, so that’s where Mitt Romney spent his last couple of days before jetting off to Poland. Oh, he saw the Western Wall, and some Israeli leaders, and stuff, and oh man, it’s so much better than… it’s just that England… grrr… England is stupid. What did Mitt Romney love the most about Israel? Read more on Mitt Romney’s Slaphappy Israel Party: A Roundup…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Body Double Parties With Britney Spears, Probably On U.S. Dime

Yawn, there goes Michelle Obama again, partying in Europe with a bunch of celebrities when she is supposed to be doing her job (locking Malia in her room until she eats her broccoli). This time, our FLOTUS is not even trying to mask her frivolous night out as “official business,” shamelessly eating at an Indian restaurant with Britney Spears, Mr. Bean and Pavarotti while Americans’ tax dollars most likely paid for every single samosa. Actually, though, it was not Michelle Obama herself that enjoyed the party in Burton-on-Trent, Staffordshire, whatever that is. It was her secret body double! So how much money does that Michelle Obama steal from the pockets of hardworking Americans? Read more on FLOTUS Body Double Parties With Britney Spears, Probably On U.S. Dime…
  congressional misbehavior

Legislators Spending More On Travel Than Before Recession

Here is a good use legislators have found for taxpayer money: more congressional travel, millions and millions of dollars of it! It’s not like we weren’t just hearing about how maybe some of those disaster victims in Missouri needed it, or anything. Free vacations for members of Congress and their families are the one thing we have left to offer our national royalty, because we are so poor now. The nice people of America will give up their FEMA funds and their Medicaid and their Pell Grants so our lawmakers can make those crucial goodwill-building trips to Costa Rican beaches. Pelosi actually told legislators to knock this off in 2010, but whoops, she’s not in charge anymore. The orange man is. Quick, to Brazil, before this debt ceiling thing hits! Read more on Legislators Spending More On Travel Than Before Recession…
  fun with maps

Not Having a Passport Gives You Diabetes

Hey, look what happens when you put together a map of the density of diabetics in the U.S. with one of passport ownership! (You get fired from NPR, is what happens.) Isn’t it funny how every map of the U.S. like these are basically the same? Somebody find us a map of dentists per capita so we can throw that up there too. Read more on Not Having a Passport Gives You Diabetes…
  vd day

Airport Porn Death Tubes, TSA Groping Here To Stay

Millions of Americans went to airports last week for Thanksgiving travel and to stare down the gossipy new machines that show people pictures of travelers’ naked bodies. This was supposed to be an ACTUAL reenactment of the Boston Tea Party, as hurried Thanksgiving airport visitors were supposed to take these scanners and throw them into the nearest body of water, according to National Opt-Out Day. But then basically nobody opted out. And now America has finally surrendered in its epic battle to never let another soul know its dick length. These machines and TSA agents will be forced to do gross sex things with your genitals for the rest of their lives, the end. Read more on Airport Porn Death Tubes, TSA Groping Here To Stay…
  because to alert is not to advise

Avoid Getting Blown Up: Eat European Food In Amurica

Oh boo hoo, it seems that traveling to Europe may not be the best idea right now, what with the threat of terrorism looming over the ENTIRE continent. Not that anyone can really afford to travel anyway, so, uh, now who’s laughing? But, if this means continuing to spend your days watching porn in your cubicle instead of enjoying all the socialist pleasures Europe has to offer, one has to wonder if it’s possible to experience any of Europe in D.C.? How about with half-naked Spanish soccer players in bathrooms? Will that do? Read more on Avoid Getting Blown Up: Eat European Food In Amurica…
  wonkette business desk

YES! Southwest Buys AirTran Which Means You Can Fly Southwest To National Airport

This is the greatest news in the history of aviation: Southwest Airlines, which has sought a presence at Reagan National Airport for years, will finally gain entry through its planned, $1.4 billion cash and stock acquisition of AirTran Airlines. Read more on YES! Southwest Buys AirTran Which Means You Can Fly Southwest To National Airport…
  modern problems

Americans Sad To Be ‘Stuck’ In Europe, Due To Dinosaur-Killing Volcano Ash

Wonkette operative Lady MacBeth writes, “Jesus Christ, I’m stuck in the South of France. And all you people can do is cover tea party events??? There are so many of us stuck in Europe and humbled by language barriers and dirty laundry and stripey black-and-white shirts and Wonkette covers the tea party?!” Yeah well you know WHAT, “Lady,” if that is your real (European) name? Read more on Americans Sad To Be ‘Stuck’ In Europe, Due To Dinosaur-Killing Volcano Ash…
  jet setters

Sanford Getting Closer To Impeachment

As any student of politics will tell you, it matters not one whit when an elected official gets caught having sex with a non-spouse person (provided that person is not a hooker or a member of the same sex or both). However, a single incident of sexual indiscretion gives that person’s enemies carte blanche to investigate the crap out of other possible malfeasances, such as abuse of state funds, that may ultimately land that official out of office. In sum: the sex scandals don’t kill you — it’s the money ones. Read more on Sanford Getting Closer To Impeachment…
  pigs

Sanford Lived So Fancy On Taxpayers’ $$$

After an investigation revealed that South Carolinian Ambassador to Argentina Mark Sanford had not misspent taxpayer funds in the course of perpetrating his adulterous affair with some hot lady, people were sad. They were sad because the “abused state funds” charge would have been the real corker on top of the “wandering peen” charge, in terms of ways to get the guy out of office. Read more on Sanford Lived So Fancy On Taxpayers’ $$$…
  she wastes money on everything

Sarah Palin’s School-Aged Children Conduct Important State Business!

Everybody is very ANGRY with Sarah Palin for spending tens of thousands of hard-working Alaskans’ tax dollars flying her daughters to various conferences and putting them up at the Ritz and then saying they were there on “official duty” to cut ribbons and stuff. And yes, this is pretty fucking lame, particularly given that there are plenty of governors in America who do not drag their kids along to every association dinner they’re invited to and instead take advantage of a wonderful American invention called “the babysitter,” or even an old throwback called “a spouse.” But that’s not the real outrage! Read more on Sarah Palin’s School-Aged Children Conduct Important State Business!…
 

BREAKING: OH NO PEOPLE OF MIDDLING IMPORTANCE ARE STUCK IN LAMESVILLE

“I told you we shouldn’t have taken the Old 97” (Mark Lennihan – AP) Massive power outage traps Amtrack riders in tunnels deep below the Hudson! Or, even worse, in Baltimore! People who aren’t impressive enough for the Delta shuttle unable to make it back to DC to build up the connections necessary to raise their stature! Read more on BREAKING: OH NO PEOPLE OF MIDDLING IMPORTANCE ARE STUCK IN LAMESVILLE…
 

Rumors on the Internets: Gee But It’s Great To Be Back Home

* Bush pines for his Crawford crib. [HuffPo] * Tell Congress exactly whose house America is. [PowerLine] * Looking for a split-level in a good school district with minimal air raid attacks? Check out a liberal democracy. [Dean’s World] * Move to Massachusetts and break your legs. Don’t cost nothin’. [Q and O] * Or stay home; can you really afford not to? [Boi From Troy] Read more on Rumors on the Internets: Gee But It’s Great To Be Back Home…
 

Business As Usual

A Wonkette Operative and former lobbyist directed our attention to the planned vote restricting the use of corporate jets by members of Congress. The rule, propsed by Russ Feingold and MAVERICK RENEGADE Senator John McCain, would require that our Reps and Senators actually pay to travel on the Corporate plane. Read more on Business As Usual…