Ah, Sturgis … it’s like the “Gathering of the Juggalos” for middle-aged people who saved up enough for a Gold Wing! And the $100-million McCain family just adores acting like they love this dumb populist cretin crap, because, after all, the McCains have those riches only because Cindy’s dad actually worked for a living, selling Budweiser to guys with choppers, in Arizona. It’s circular! MORE »

This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends to become President, somehow, and then she will install Trig as “Prince ‘o Peace,” and he will rule the world for 666 years, and then he will nuke it. He is made of nukes, Trig is.

How deeply must you despise your former running mate — the person you wanted America to accept as a perfectly good and safe president-in-waiting, just a few months ago — to be unable to fake a quick “Sure I support her” on a Sunday news-chat show? Here’s Old Walnuts McCain utterly unable to answer a simple question about Palin from David Gregory, because good lord, Palin is absolute human garbage. You’ve got to be some real dumb trash when even Republicans won’t support you. [YouTube/USA Today]

It seems that racists still haven’t gotten over Barack Obama’s election victory, alas. For example: Arkansas. The Arkansas House Committee on State Agencies and Governmental Affairs rejected a standard symbolic resolution congratulating Barack Obama on his historic victory this morning, 11-6, after a couple of Republicans took issue with language describing “the United States as a nation founded by slaveowners.” Oh my god. MORE »

One of two things happened to Washington D.C. this afternoon: (1) Obama’s friends the Muslims snuck in one of those dirty bombs they make all the time and blew it up around Constitution and 5th, raining toxic waste debris across a five-block radius so as to kill Christians (2) Tourists threw their shit all over the ground. Maybe there is a Third Way… but yeah, #2, kill them all. MORE »

Too bad they’re not filled with Obama’s birth certificates, from Moscow, in Saudi Arabia. Please let’s have the Supreme Court stop this fraud president before Washington becomes, somehow, filled with garbage! [YouTube]

As the snow-meth icing on the Baked Alaska of Sarah Palin’s hilarious public self-destruction which is also hilariously destroying the the grisly remaining blood-and-gristle bits of the Republican Party, here is how ABC News describes her exit from the McCain Failure Party, where she was not allowed to speak: “And when McCain and Palin split up in Arizona Wednesday, the personal differences were stark. McCain drove himself home in a Toyota sport utility vehicle. Palin’s departure was a grander event. She left with an entourage of 18 family members and friends and a Secret Service detail, heading to the airport in a motorcade stretching more than a dozen vehicles, flanked by a dozen more cops on motorcycles.” [ABC News via Steve Silberman]

Here’s something fun to look forward to, this Friday, other than the End of Capitalism and Electricity or whatever: There’s going to be a fun report on that legal investigation into Sarah Palin’s “abuse of power” in Alaska, when she fired all her sister’s rape victims or something. Troopergate! Nobody knows what it’s about, other than Governor Palin is some cheap crook who has many enemies — mostly the ex-husbands of her white-trash family members — and she destroys their lives by taking away their jobs. Way to fight for the little people, Maverickita! [Crooks & Liars]

We interrupt your Fourth of July with some Breaking News: Jesse Helms was apparently still alive, and now he’s dead, hooray! He was a sour troll and a bigot, and it’s a testament to every rotten thing about this country that for a quarter century, he was one of the most powerful people in American politics. [LAT/NYT]