trash

A Texas elementary school threw out a 6th-grader’s reduced-price breakfast Wednesday when the child — a future thug, because he qualifies for reduced-price meals — was unable to pay the required 30 cents, even though his mother called the school and offered to bring three dimes. This latest incident — just one of several in […]

“I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal,” said this spritely lass when confronted with a news crew. Like, why are people all pissing and moaning, and why did she get fired from her job at Cold Stone Creamery, just because she said that someone should assassinate that “nigger” president? Like, what is […]

It’s morning in America, for reals this time! The United States has finally honored its favorite sanitation robot that toiled for 800 years cleaning up the Earth after fat slob humans trashed the whole place. That’s right, WALL-E is now on a postage stamp, so that very old people who still pay bills with stamps […]

Washington novels are terrible, as you maybe noticed if you’ve ever mistakenly picked up a novel about Washington. Christopher Hitchens has some theories: Can one imagine a Dickens without London or a Zola or Flaubert without Paris? The radix malorum can probably be found in the famous bargain between Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton, made […]

Teabaggers from Arizona are a special breed and are continually winning the craziest-Teabagger national championship, so it should come as no surprise that they have come out in full force against a town’s decision to hire one trash truck and start a curbside recycling program. This is socialism, of course, because a government hiring a […]

Gross old liebot John McCain, whose entire head is made of skin cancer and bullshit, is having a very important policy discussion with “Snooki,” a bright orange dwarf who appeared on a chilling documentary about emotionally challenged adolescents left alone in a tacky vacation house to die of STDs. John McCain won’t tax you for […]

It’s so great that Charlie Sheen is finally getting a platform of his own, you guys! Let’s see, what else…

This sure is queer. Sarah Palin has announced that she will speak at the upcoming National Tea Party Convention but will not speak at or even attend its sudden rival, CPAC. You could argue that it’s because the older, more established CPAC will probably not be quite as insane a “National Tea Party Convention,” but […]

Ah, Sturgis … it’s like the “Gathering of the Juggalos” for middle-aged people who saved up enough for a Gold Wing! And the $100-million McCain family just adores acting like they love this dumb populist cretin crap, because, after all, the McCains have those riches only because Cindy’s dad actually worked for a living, selling […]

This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends […]

How deeply must you despise your former running mate — the person you wanted America to accept as a perfectly good and safe president-in-waiting, just a few months ago — to be unable to fake a quick “Sure I support her” on a Sunday news-chat show? Here’s Old Walnuts McCain utterly unable to answer a […]

It seems that racists still haven’t gotten over Barack Obama’s election victory, alas. For example: Arkansas. The Arkansas House Committee on State Agencies and Governmental Affairs rejected a standard symbolic resolution congratulating Barack Obama on his historic victory this morning, 11-6, after a couple of Republicans took issue with language describing “the United States as […]

One of two things happened to Washington D.C. this afternoon: (1) Obama’s friends the Muslims snuck in one of those dirty bombs they make all the time and blew it up around Constitution and 5th, raining toxic waste debris across a five-block radius so as to kill Christians (2) Tourists threw their shit all over […]

Too bad they’re not filled with Obama’s birth certificates, from Moscow, in Saudi Arabia. Please let’s have the Supreme Court stop this fraud president before Washington becomes, somehow, filled with garbage! [YouTube]

As the snow-meth icing on the Baked Alaska of Sarah Palin’s hilarious public self-destruction which is also hilariously destroying the the grisly remaining blood-and-gristle bits of the Republican Party, here is how ABC News describes her exit from the McCain Failure Party, where she was not allowed to speak: “And when McCain and Palin split […]