And this is why gay marriage will never work: “Silo and Roy, two male chinstrap penguins native to the South Atlantic, made [New York] headlines six years ago when they came out with their same-sex relationship. … That all ended when Scrappy, a single female newly arrived from SeaWorld in San Diego, caught Silo’s eye. … On Thursday, Roy, all alone, sat disconsolately at the edge of the penguin area, staring at the wall.” Jesus Christ that is about the saddest story ever written. [Fox News]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Remember the good old days of American wit when our nation’s cleverest sat around an elitist table at a fancy New York City hotel and made cutting remarks so subtle and erudite that nobody within earshot could tell what the hell they were talking about? And also, they were drunk? Well, those days are over (except for the drunk part). David Denby has informed us that, thanks to the awful blogs, we now just essentially hurl the verbal equivalent of feces at each other all the time, except when we are hurling actual, literal feces. Just so, our political cartoons have similarly devolved, from intellectual, high-art pieces that reward long-term study and contemplation to the current things that you are about to read, which are for the mouth-breathing morons who only like creepy pictures. Unfortunately, those morons only watch TV, which is why the newspapers that run these cartoons will soon be bankrupt. MORE »

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

It has come to our attention that the economy is in a bit of a pickle. As financial and macroeconomic experts, we’re all too aware of what this portends: hobos! Yes, thousands of shabby, unshaven, impoverished tramps will soon be spreading out onto America’s streets — and America’s editorial pages! In this week’s Cartoon Violence, we offer up a guide to the coming hobocalypse that will help you make it through with your bindle intact. MORE »