Tag Archives: traitors

  Uncle Dumbass from Slidell

Confederate Loser Buys Delicious ISIS Cake From Walmart Bakery, Doesn’t Eat It

ISIS cake spokesmodel
Gather ’round, little children, for we have a heartwarming story about Walmart, ISIS, cake, and this one Louisiana dumbass named Chuck Netzhammer, who is very sad about how America is stomping all over his beloved traitor Confederate flag. So, because he thinks he is S-M-R-T, he went to the Walmart and said probably something along the lines of “please make me a cake with my favorite flag in the world on it, the one that represents the seditious loser nation that lost the Civil War, for if I do not get this cake, I fear I will never achieve erection again.” Walmart was like “nah, bro.” Netzhammer then had A Idea, so he changed tactics and requested the flag of ANOTHER loser “nation,” the Islamic State, also known as ISIS, or if you are a loser president like Obama, “ISIL.” Read more on Confederate Loser Buys Delicious ISIS Cake From Walmart Bakery, Doesn’t Eat It…
  derp

Calm, Judicious Tea Partier Seeks Total Recall Of Traitor Muslim-Lover John McCain

O HAI JOHN MCCAIN! Sometimes you seem to understand that your party (AND YOU) have thrown in your lot with a bunch of neo-Nazi troglodytes of terror. And then usually you go right back to cynically exploiting these dumb biddies and their lunatic leaders for your own political gain. Hey that’s just how it is, Jake, it’s POLITICSTOWN. But this week, there was a nice and pretty damsel being Arab-baited by a cabal of nutballs in the actual Congress, and you did the right (and so gallant!) thing and thundered against it in your wavery old man voice from the Senate floor. Well, that was your first mistake, as now your bosom buddies are stomping and slavering and banging their feet. They are calling for your recall — your TOTAL recall, if you will, the kind that happens with a “final dirt nap.” Uh. Read more on Calm, Judicious Tea Partier Seeks Total Recall Of Traitor Muslim-Lover John McCain…
  weirder things have happened

Jesse Ventura Announces He Will Turn Into A Mexican

America’s second-most favorite whackadoodle ex-governor Jesse Ventura (whose crazy gave Minnesota such a hangover it then elected Tim Pawlenty) managed to gather enough bored reporters together to formally announce that he tragically lost his important lawsuit trying to get the government to quit letting TSA agents touch his nuts all the time. In revenge, he will now become a Mexican, in order to stick it to the fascist tyranny of Minnesota. Read more on Jesse Ventura Announces He Will Turn Into A Mexican…
  the devil take them all

So What Did Obama *Really* Sign Today, To Destroy America?

The White House rushed out a Flickr picture of Obama signing this awful thing, because everybody really wants that for their smartphone wallpaper or whatever, before they throw away the smartphone because who can afford such things? But what did the corporate shill really sign? A tipster sends us an enhancement of the photo above, which reveals this guy’s true feelings about us. (Hint: Are you a billionaire? Then Obama really thinks you’re swell. Are you, say, anyone else in America? He hates you.) Read more on So What Did Obama *Really* Sign Today, To Destroy America?…
  start me up

Nine GOP Senators Agree To Be Nuked By Russia

The eighth and ninth Republican traitor-senators have been revealed! Lamar Alexander and Bob Corker now say they’ll back the START nuclear treaty with the Soviet Union, and which requires the United States of America to have a few less nuclear death missiles, which will make it super easy for the Rooskies to drop the A-bomb and cause Communism. Stalin must be laughing it up today! Read more on Nine GOP Senators Agree To Be Nuked By Russia…
  sad face

Degenerate Blogger-Person Steals Last American Job

Hello Wonkette readers! Your Comics Curmudgeon has had a good time also being your sometime morning editor, this year! But just as a “Realdoll” is not a substitute for human companionship, even the most personally fulfilling blogging gig is not a substitute for subsidized dental care. Read more on Degenerate Blogger-Person Steals Last American Job…
  wheels within wheels

Bob Inglis Totally In On Zionist-Bilderberger-Space Lizard Conspiracy

Remember, Bob Inglis, the really quite conservative South Carolina Congressman (93 percent rating from the American Conservative Union!) who was absolutely obliterated in his primary this year by some Tea Party loony toon? Remember how he whined afterwards that he lost because he he wasn’t a demagogue? Well, now we have absolute proof, from his own (forked?) tongue, that we are all very lucky this fool is out of office, because he admits that, once made aware of the terrible alliance between scaly space monsters and Jews that threatens the very fabric of our existence, he did nothing. Read more on Bob Inglis Totally In On Zionist-Bilderberger-Space Lizard Conspiracy…
  ooh we are on tenterhooks

Ben Nelson Is 100% Democrat, Except When It Comes To Voting For Things

Good ol’ Ben Nelson is liberal America’s favorite Democrat to hate, when they aren’t hating semi-Democrat Joe Lieberman for general douchebaggery, or Obama for failing at everything they hoped for him all the time. Well, did you think that maybe Ben Nelson is sick of you guys, too? Tired of all your carping about how he is too conservative, and always not voting for liberal judges, or threatening to vote against major Democratic agenda items? Did you ever think that maybe Ben Nelson is one of these days just going to up and turn Republican? Huh? DID YOU? Read more on Ben Nelson Is 100% Democrat, Except When It Comes To Voting For Things…
  clown show

Liveblogging Barack Obama’s Televised Assault of Ex-Gen. McChrystal

UPDATE: MCCHRYSTAL IS FIRED. PETRAEUS REPLACES HIM. If George Washington was still commander in chief, Stanley McChrystal would be swinging from the gallows today. But no, we’ve got Barack Obama, who has to have scheduled meetings with everybody, while John Adams seethes in the hallway. And any moment now, Obama will step out to tell the world the fate of America’s Biggest Asshole, Stanley McChrystal, who already left the White House after a half-hour meeting in which the two men discussed such matters as “WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU BRAIN DAMAGED? DID A SHELL LAND ON YOUR REDNECK SKULL?” Read more on Liveblogging Barack Obama’s Televised Assault of Ex-Gen. McChrystal…
  idiots

Michele Bachmann’s Husband (!) Super Upset Over F-Word Used On Sign Somewhere

Having called for armed revolution against America’s democratically elected government, duck-faced sociopath Michele Bachmann truly exemplifies mature political discourse. This is why her alleged husband just put his name on a Bachmann 4 Congress fund-raising email, because the staffer who wrote this email cannot believe the local communists have gone so far as to put up some anti-Bachmann signs around Minneapolis, where they live. What do these signs say? Nobody knows for sure, because of the Bachmann’s campaign sudden, shocking ability to self-edit, but it’s a four-letter word that starts with “F.” We are going to check the dictionary! Read more on Michele Bachmann’s Husband (!) Super Upset Over F-Word Used On Sign Somewhere…
  the terrorist next door

Is There a *Reason* Why Terrorist South Carolina Has a Muslim Flag?

South Carolina is filled with traitors — traitors who literally started a war with the United States, because we would not let them keep the vast majority of their population as chattel slaves. And the people of this bog-state are apparently *flaunting* these terroristic inclinations even today, according to Wonkette operative “Ed M.,” who just drove through the enemy territory and reports that “the state’s flag, logo, license plates, commemorative thimbles, etc. all have crescent moons on them. Even the tree they have under that Christian-hating moon looks Islamic.” Is it time to send predator drones and then nuclear missiles to this place, to save America, because We Are At War With Dangerous Extremists? Read more on Is There a *Reason* Why Terrorist South Carolina Has a Muslim Flag?…
  the man's just askin'

Liberal Traitor Eric Cantor: Obamer Not A Terrorist Per Se

Eric Cantor went to some confab run by the Heritage Foundation, a prominent think tank affiliated with his political allies; said confab was held in Washington, D.C., where Cantor works. The decision to attend came at “great cost” to Cantor, apparently, according to some dude with a kind of endearing New England-ish (?) accent who thanked him for coming! (Maybe there was a two-drink minimum?) Anyway, this fellow asked why “Obamer” isn’t in Gitmo right now, which everyone in the crowd thought was hilarious, and Cantor said “no one thinks the president is a domestic enemy,” which resulted in angry muttering. And who the hell knows what happens in this video after that, as we couldn’t bring ourselves to watch past the 1:30 mark or so, but with any luck by the end of it Joe Lieberman was on the phone with Hillary Clinton angrily demanding that Cantor’s citizenship be revoked post-haste. Read more on Liberal Traitor Eric Cantor: Obamer Not A Terrorist Per Se…
  sellouts

Newt Gingrich Joins Traitorous Band Of Republican Moderates

This National Council for a New America, what do they do exactly besides hold coffee klatsches in Alexandria and inflame the ire of conservative voters? Who knows, but they’ve sucked Newt Gingrich into their little borg, which means they probably have spare wives and free donuts on hand. [The Fix] Read more on Newt Gingrich Joins Traitorous Band Of Republican Moderates…
  awful humans

Joe Lieberman To Have ‘The Talk’ This Afternoon

Everyone point and laugh at him now, for he has erred, my friends, and now the principal is tugging him by the ear into detention to try his War Crimes: “Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will meet with Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman this afternoon to discuss the wayward Democrat’s future in light of his enthusiastic support of Republican Sen. John McCain’s presidential candidacy.” Unfortunately Harry Reid is the disciplinarian here, so somehow the meeting will end with Lieberman firing him. (Which is fine.) What really needs to happen, though, is for Barack Obama to beat the shit out of that rancid twatwaffle Lieberman on the Senate floor again. [WSJ] Read more on Joe Lieberman To Have ‘The Talk’ This Afternoon…
 

Wonkette Destroys Patriot/Traitor Ranking Website

[Why would we take this down? It was funny too!] You all should be ashamed of yourselves. We showed you the nice website called Country Above Self that appropriately lists “Phony Soldiers” as death traitors to America, and you go and inflate the score of Danny Glover, the b-list actor. Obviously everyone was supposed to nominate Truck Nutz. [Country Above Self] Read more on Wonkette Destroys Patriot/Traitor Ranking Website…
 

Wingnuts Rank America’s Best Patriots, Worst Traitors!

[Hey comical idiots, we’d never take this post down!] Yes, we get many nutty e-mails, and sometimes when we open them they link to the best websites in the world. One recent example is Country Above Self, which runs this tag line: “Celebrating Patriots and Exposing Traitors.” You can nominate and rank America’s greatest patriots (still living) and its worst liberal socialist traitors (their souls are always dead). It’s everything the Internet has always wanted. Read more on Wingnuts Rank America’s Best Patriots, Worst Traitors!…
 

Bob Gates Speaks His Mind, Loves The Terrorists

What the hell’s wrong with Bob Gates, the Defense Secretary no one ever talks about? Recently he’s been running his yap with all sorts of liberal Democrat treasonspeak — just like Barack Obama, a known member of Hamas and Hezbollah and the Weather Underground. Apparently he *doesn’t* want to bomb Iran or Syria, or even France! Not only that, he says it’s counterproductive to even consider bombing these countries that need to be bombed. Read more on Bob Gates Speaks His Mind, Loves The Terrorists…
 

James ‘Judas’ Carville Says Obama Is Likely Nominee

Weird old Cajun swamp weasel James Carville called Bill Richardson and said he wanted his thirty pieces of silver back. Then a chicken made a sound three times and Carville was like, “Hillary who?” in an alarming visit to Furman University in Greenville, South Carolina, in which he said all sorts of damning things about his former friend Senator Hillary Clinton. Read more on James ‘Judas’ Carville Says Obama Is Likely Nominee…
 

Okay, So Alberto Gonzales Quit To Spend More Time Fucking With Larry Craig

Here’s something we found from a couple years ago: Republican Senators Chuck Hagel of Nebraska, Larry Craig of Idaho and Olympia Snowe of Maine question Bush’s actions along with Pennsylvania Republican Arlen Specter, chairman of the powerful Senate Judiciary Committee …. Read more on Okay, So Alberto Gonzales Quit To Spend More Time Fucking With Larry Craig…
 

Gay Traitors’ Gay-ness Not to Blame For Treason, as They Weren’t Actually Gay

William Hamilton Martin and Bernon Mitchell worked for the NSA back in the late 1950s, when the NSA was still wiretapping on coconut radios and pterodactyl phonographs. In 1960, they flew to Mexico, then to Cuba, and took a freighter to the Soviet Union, where they were immediately granted citizenship and gave a press conference where they announced that they’d fit in much better in the USSR because the USSR wasn’t full of squares and phonies (it was 1960, remember). Back home, everyone decided that these two had defected because they were totally gay for each other. Read more on Gay Traitors’ Gay-ness Not to Blame For Treason, as They Weren’t Actually Gay…