Wonkette

SHRIMPOCALYPSE NOW: “The right lane of the Inner Loop at Md. 210 will remain closed through Friday morning’s rush hours after an accident involving a tractor trailer hauling frozen shrimp.” [WTOP]

Hey America, you may have been too busy delighting in the fruits of our thousand-year Mesopotamian adventure and rolling around on piles of strong dollars to notice our nation’s crumbling infrastructure. But thanks to Popular Mechanics, you can now find out which massive highway interchange, bridge, dam or waterway near you is about to collapse! And guess which proud metropolitan area earns not one but two spots on this coveted Top Ten list? Shame on you, Barack Obama! MORE »

“Commuting is not for the faint of heart in Washington. Only 44.9 percent of local workers reach their jobs in less than a half hour. That’s the lowest figure in the country, trailing even New York City’s 46.2 percent. The average morning commute in D.C. is a sluggish 34.87 minutes.” [Bizjournals via MSNBC]

Traffic gridlock is really terrible around DC, we hear, and it’s getting worse due to more people or cars or something. Prince William’s, Montgomery and Prince George’s counties are all on the Top Ten Worst Traffic In the Country list, according to a magazine. And by 2030, traffic in and around Washington will be worse than LA traffic today. MORE »

* Murder on the 1300 Block of Saratoga Avenue, NE. [stop, blog and roll]
* “Mayor Fenty is looking at a congestion tax for DC, says NBC4. The idea is: tax cars coming into the central business district and use the proceeds for infrastructure improvements.” [Inside the DC Bubble]
* Ben Greenman tries the Happy Booker’s “If I Only Had an Ipod” feature. [The Happy Booker]
* Someone got donkey punched. [cockblog]
* Christina Ricci is in town. [DCist]

* Montgomery County Teenage Suicide. Don’t do it. [WTOP]
* Traffic circles actually reduce the number of accidents, including bike and pedestrian accidents. [Rethink College Park]
* Smithsonian American Art Museum lighting designer writes about how he lit the Joseph Cornell Retrospective. [Eye Level]
* Women in DC becoming blonder, more attractive. [Radical Flower]
* Miracle Fruit is “like some weird new experiment from Willy Wonka’s factory, only Willy Wonka is some shady horticulturist from Fort Lauderdale known to the world only through his cryptic messages on obscure gardening blogs.” [Eat Foo]

* Thanks to the Iraq war and the rich getting richer, there’s a budget surplus projected for 2012. [WP]
* Senators facing reelection in 2008 increase pace of their waddling to escape reporters and pesky questions about Iraq. [WP]
* Walnuts McCain white washes his record of staff-bashing with new “Good Dude Doctrine.” [NYT]
* Barack Obama realizes he doesn’t have a guitar that only plays Purple Rain, chooses to focus campaign on message rather than rock star status. [WP]
* Immigrants and lawbreakers are first to face The Great DNA Harvest. [NYT]
* Traffic jam fetishists to rally against Administration’s “congestion initiative” funding. [WSJ]
* John Edwards has that not-so-fresh feeling. [NYT]
* “The nonbinding resolution would have no more force of law than the one approved Thursday commending the Miss America Organization .” [LAT]

• Political Consultants with beds in their offices that routinely misdirect emails are basically the best thing ever. [Hey Pretty]

• When the health of the Earth is at stake, Al Gore is not above reaching between some boobies for a snack. [Candy Sandwich]
• If Bethesda residents are against it, then it must be good - viva la purple line! [Rebuilding Place In The Urban Space]

* Newark, New Jersey, edges out D.C. for title of “American City Most Resembling a Demoliton Derby.” [AP ] MORE »

* Because short stretches of asphalt are just like children — the beat-down Dupont Circle underpass will be rehabbed, and good as new, in nine months. [Free Ride] MORE »

* The takeover is complete when bloggers turn their guns away from the MSM and take aim at the “free alternative weeklies.” [DCeiver] MORE »

This just in, from a Capitol Hill operative: MORE »

* Gang war eruptz in Logan Circle! 5-0 Mob versuz the New Commandment Baptist Church Crewz, Beat downz imminent! [DCeiver] MORE »