Tag Archives: traffic

  clipbait

Jon Stewart Points And Laughs At Atlanta’s 2 Inches, ‘Bad Boy Journalist’ Thinks Seasons Disprove Climate Change

The Atlanta snowstorm spawned many Larger Points, from the incompetence of local — or all — government to Internet Opinion about climate change (real/bogus/not involved). Jon Stewart notes that “weather forecasts” could have helped Atlanta, and rightwing pundit Jason Mattera tweeted that dumb liberals just don’t know about Earth’s seasons, so “global” warming is nonsense somehow. And yes, he was completely serious. Read more on Jon Stewart Points And Laughs At Atlanta’s 2 Inches, ‘Bad Boy Journalist’ Thinks Seasons Disprove Climate Change…
  All Politics Is Local Lane Closures

Chris Christie A Petty, Vengeful Monster, Part Infinity, Section Fort Lee Lane Closures, Subsection Amateur Hour

NorthJersey.com, what did you bring for Show & Tell today? Oh wow! That looks like an email from a top Christie aide that says “Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee” (pdf). Class, what do we think about this email? Does it “raise serious doubts about months of claims by the Christie administration that the September closures of local access lanes to the George Washington Bridge were part of a traffic study initiated solely by the Port Authority”? Does it make you wonder if Chris Christie is an actual non-human troll who lives under the GWB in the burned-out fuselage of a taxpayer-funded helicopter? Interesting questions to think about as we get out our textbooks and turn to chapter 58: “The 58th Reason Why Chris Christie Should Not Under Any Circumstances Be President.” Read more on Chris Christie A Petty, Vengeful Monster, Part Infinity, Section Fort Lee Lane Closures, Subsection Amateur Hour…
  death conferences

Washington DC To Be Destroyed By Nuclear Weapon (Summit)

Here’s a little map of Washington D.C. having a heart attack and dying. It will do this next Monday and Tuesday for President McGayertron’s precious summit on what else, nukes, where 40+ world leaders are coming to talk about nukes (except Bibi Netanyahu, because then he might have to admit that his country has lots of operational nukes). The traffic is supposed to be so bad during this nuclear dildo contest that the federal government is basically telling its slob employees to work from home. SNOW DAY! (THE SNOW OF HUMAN ASH.) [Washington Post] Read more on Washington DC To Be Destroyed By Nuclear Weapon (Summit)…
  you don't say

New Study Proves It: No Work Means No Traffic

Some math wizards down in Texas have come to an incredible conclusion: What with 6.5 million lost jobs since this Hellcession began, there’s less rush-hour traffic. HEY THAT ALMOST MAKES A CRAZY KIND OF SENSE. But the news isn’t all good. Read more on New Study Proves It: No Work Means No Traffic…
  mysteries

Dirty Traffic Signs Too Dirty For Local Media

Hey DC-area commuters, help us out! We hear that two of them roadside “Expect delays now until forever due to construction”-type electronical signs were HACKED by HAXXORS, and displayed vulgar words to drivers this morning. (The signs are on the Virginia side of the Key Bridge and on eastbound Hain Bridge Road at the George Washington Memorial Parkway.) Here is the question: What were the naughty words? Because your local Fox News refused to show anything other than the mysterious word “MUDKIPZ!”. [MyFoxDC] Read more on Dirty Traffic Signs Too Dirty For Local Media…
  metro section

Nerds Complain Jocks Get Special Treatment

Local athletics club the Washington Nationals is getting “special treatment” from DC, as the city has agreed to pay to keep the Metro running late if baseball games run late. No word yet on whether the same applies if games just feel like they’re taking forever. [DC Examiner] Read more on Nerds Complain Jocks Get Special Treatment… Read more on Nerds Complain Jocks Get Special Treatment…
 

SHRIMPOCALYPSE NOW: “The right lane of the Inner Loop at Md. 210 will remain closed through Friday morning’s rush hours after an accident involving a tractor trailer hauling frozen shrimp.” [WTOP] Read more on …
 

Nation’s Ten Worst Traffic Nightmares, Fragile Bridges, And Crumbling Dams

Hey America, you may have been too busy delighting in the fruits of our thousand-year Mesopotamian adventure and rolling around on piles of strong dollars to notice our nation’s crumbling infrastructure. But thanks to Popular Mechanics, you can now find out which massive highway interchange, bridge, dam or waterway near you is about to collapse! And guess which proud metropolitan area earns not one but two spots on this coveted Top Ten list? Shame on you, Barack Obama! Read more on Nation’s Ten Worst Traffic Nightmares, Fragile Bridges, And Crumbling Dams…
 

“Commuting is not for the faint of heart in Washington. Only 44.9 percent of local workers reach their jobs in less than a half hour. That’s the lowest figure in the country, trailing even New York City’s 46.2 percent. The average morning commute in D.C. is a sluggish 34.87 minutes.” [Bizjournals via MSNBC] Read more on …
 

DC Traffic Finally Solved!

Traffic gridlock is really terrible around DC, we hear, and it’s getting worse due to more people or cars or something. Prince William’s, Montgomery and Prince George’s counties are all on the Top Ten Worst Traffic In the Country list, according to a magazine. And by 2030, traffic in and around Washington will be worse than LA traffic today. Read more on DC Traffic Finally Solved!…
 

Metro Section: Christina Ricci is the Opposite of Sex

* Murder on the 1300 Block of Saratoga Avenue, NE. [stop, blog and roll] * “Mayor Fenty is looking at a congestion tax for DC, says NBC4. The idea is: tax cars coming into the central business district and use the proceeds for infrastructure improvements.” [Inside the DC Bubble] * Ben Greenman tries the Happy Booker’s “If I Only Had an Ipod” feature. [The Happy Booker] * Someone got donkey punched. [cockblog] * Christina Ricci is in town. [DCist] Read more on Metro Section: Christina Ricci is the Opposite of Sex…
 

Metro Section: Martha Dumptruck

* Montgomery County Teenage Suicide. Don’t do it. [WTOP] * Traffic circles actually reduce the number of accidents, including bike and pedestrian accidents. [Rethink College Park] * Smithsonian American Art Museum lighting designer writes about how he lit the Joseph Cornell Retrospective. [Eye Level] * Women in DC becoming blonder, more attractive. [Radical Flower] * Miracle Fruit is “like some weird new experiment from Willy Wonka’s factory, only Willy Wonka is some shady horticulturist from Fort Lauderdale known to the world only through his cryptic messages on obscure gardening blogs.” [Eat Foo] Read more on Metro Section: Martha Dumptruck…
 

Daily Briefing: Unpronounceable Symbols

* Thanks to the Iraq war and the rich getting richer, there’s a budget surplus projected for 2012. [WP] * Senators facing reelection in 2008 increase pace of their waddling to escape reporters and pesky questions about Iraq. [WP] * Walnuts McCain white washes his record of staff-bashing with new “Good Dude Doctrine.” [NYT] * Barack Obama realizes he doesn’t have a guitar that only plays Purple Rain, chooses to focus campaign on message rather than rock star status. [WP] * Immigrants and lawbreakers are first to face The Great DNA Harvest. [NYT] * Traffic jam fetishists to rally against Administration’s “congestion initiative” funding. [WSJ] * John Edwards has that not-so-fresh feeling. [NYT] * “The nonbinding resolution would have no more force of law than the one approved Thursday commending the Miss America Organization .” [LAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Unpronounceable Symbols…
 

Metro Section: T&A is A-OK

Political Consultants with beds in their offices that routinely misdirect emails are basically the best thing ever. [Hey Pretty] When the health of the Earth is at stake, Al Gore is not above reaching between some boobies for a snack. [Candy Sandwich] Read more on Metro Section: T&A is A-OK…
 

Metro Section: It Doesn’t Work Unless You Put a Rag in the Tailpipe

* Newark, New Jersey, edges out D.C. for title of “American City Most Resembling a Demoliton Derby.” [AP ] * How D.C. didn’t get top billing is still a mystery, considering the amount of racist, Linux-loving Buddhist cabbies out on the streets. [Washington Canard] Read more on Metro Section: It Doesn’t Work Unless You Put a Rag in the Tailpipe…
 

Metro Section: Slow It Down

* Because short stretches of asphalt are just like children — the beat-down Dupont Circle underpass will be rehabbed, and good as new, in nine months. [Free Ride] * Just a few years late, channel 4, but better than never. [NBC4] Read more on Metro Section: Slow It Down…