Ha ha dorks you will surely cream your Dolphin shorts over this glorious new creation! It is a Barack Obama with “interchangeable hands,” which sounds scary but awesome. It will do literally anything you want it to do, including fisting. [Gizmodo]

You all knew that Barack Obama was in the pocket of slumlords and hope lobbyists. But did you know he also wants every child in America to have a sociopathic Elmo doll that chants incitements to murder? And that “some have even accused [Obama] of supporting infanticide”? It’s all true! We know it because somebody put it in the comments to a blog post. MORE »

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

America: What are you thankful for? If you’re reading this blog instead of enjoying some relaxing time with your family, you may be one of the damned souls forced to work on the Friday after Thanksgiving, and thus may not be thankful for much of anything. Conversely, you may hate your family with a seething, burning passion and may be glad to be locked in your room and surfing the Web rather than interacting with them any further (and by “interacting with them”, we mean “finally breaking down and strangling them all”). We at Cartoon Violence are thankful for things, too, obviously. For instance, we’re thankful for the timeless, comforting rhythms of the holiday season, the little rituals that ground us in tradition in this all-too-fast modern world. And, as you’ll see after the jump, any number of political cartoonists are thankful for these traditions too, because they get to use them as an excuse to draw elf corpses and Rudy Giuliani’s grotesquely swollen head. MORE »

Hey, parents! Christmas, Hanukkah and the African thing are all rapidly approaching, and you probably missed out on the Chinese roofies that retail experts had been calling the “Power Ranger dolls of 2007.” But don’t worry, because like most Chinese-made destructobots, you can now find all of our overlords’ toys (and maybe FINALLY that Tickle Me Elmo shit after years of searching) on these very Interwebs. MORE »

China, the world’s largest frat house, is continuing to try and kill and/or rape our innocent and nubile children. U.S. safety officials have recalled 4.2 million Aqua Dot bead toys, the gateway drug-toy to anal beads. MORE »

All hail our new Lego overlords. [Reuters via TimesOnline]

Finally, the terrorists have figured out the whole “fight them over there so we don’t fight them at home” strategy and started blowing up Wal-Marts with pool chemicals. MORE »

Good morning Washington and welcome back to work. Here to help ease the transition from your debauched three-day weekend excitement is Target’s own Franklin Delano Roosevelt action figure:

Kids — can you spot the 200 things terribly, terribly wrong with this picture? And concept? MORE »

* Some friends of ours in New York went to the National Magazine Awards last night. One link for the liveblogged version, one link for the narrative description (on a blog), and one link reminding The Atlantic that they didn’t get to participate in the self-congratulatory excess. [Gawker; HuffPo; Fishbowl DC] MORE »