• YES WE WILL LIVEBLOG PRESIDENT OBAMA’S TOWN HALL WITH PITCHFORK-WIELDING MOBS AT 1PM EASTERN: As if you had to ask. Go get yourself some cut-rate Canadian oxycontin and we’ll see you back here in half an hour.

Things are so fucked up right now in America. The atmosphere surrounding these health care town halls is evolving faster than the HIV virus on cocaine, and steroids. Last night we saw the first fights break out in St. Louis and Tampa, over proposed legislation to reform an inefficient, costly sector of the domestic economy. For a heartwarming account of the Tampa event, read the delightful e-mail Ta-Nehisi Coates received today! As for St. Louis, things went so well yesterday, violence-wise, that they’re all getting back together tomorrow to murder each other. MORE »

Here, here is one of a bajillion videos out on the Web about Town Hall meetings full of belligerent shouting jackasses. People are just animals. (Especially in Florida.) [CNN]

John McCain, who loves town halls so much that one time last summer he ORDERED Barack Obama to appear with him at 7,000 of them (and hopefully pay for them!), has “gone librul” again, now that his own party’s official anti-health reform strategy is to piss all over his favorite “American tradition” throughout August with loud catcalls and armpit farts. Why is John McCain so condescending toward “people from small towns” and their Constitutional right to act retarded at civic functions? [Twitter]

President Cop-Killer announced yesterday, or today, or some time recently, that he will be making a few stops in Virginia and North Carolina this week to talk up health care with a carefully vetted ensemble of malaria-stricken blind quadriplegics and morbidly obese comatose pancreatic cancer patients, none of whom can afford all the gizmos and elixirs and magical goat’s blood that they need. Bad form, Nobama — don’t you know that the Raleigh area is the Northern Wake Republican Club’s territory, as marked by their piss? And, thanks to Wonkette operative “notsofreshfeelings,” we have obtained their protest strategy e-mail for Wednesday’s event. And you better believe that they’re cookin’ up some devastating slogans for their Obama-kryptonite signs. MORE »

Oh well this is nice, HMM? Young Florida person Julio got the opportunity to ask Barack Obama a question at the Fort Myers town hall today and he was very excited about this. He explained that he’s a college student working at McDonald’s — he hates working there! — and wanted Barry to tell him what to do. Barry responded, “Uhh well once you get your college degree, then you can stop working at McDonald’s, dude,” but more politely than that. Hooray! Good luck with jobs and life, Julio.

John McCain held a town hall for women last night in Denver and just could not resist making one of his patented “jokes” about women, which usually involve rape, bestiality, cunts, and chicks with dicks. This one is much simpler: he says it’s a very “emotional” town hall, “maybe because it’s a women’s town hall, heh heh, heh.” The Republican white women cheer because they are the worst demographic on Earth. UPDATE: Oh Christ there’s another awesome video out there too along the lines of, “How bout that dame in the debate, HEHH????” After the jump. MORE »

As everybody in America knows, John McCain loves holding town hall events where he doesn’t have to read out loud to an audience, and nobody can see that he is six inches shorter than the podium. In these town halls he offers “straight talk you can believe in,” like “I am a nasty old bastard who will bomb Iran my first day in office, then take a nap.” So how did the John McCain’s awesome town hall go last night? MORE »

Is anyone watching John Edwards’ Town Hall? Surrounded on all sides by old Iowa hausfraus, shut-ins, pea-pickers, chattin’ all folksy-like about the Sudan an’ Global Warming, John Edwards has finally become Andy Griffith in A Face in the Crowd. MORE »

The Preisdent’s billionth town hall this morning (with a bunch of smarter-than-the-press-corps Johns Hopkins students) was clearly part of his “charm offensive” or whatever the hell their excuse is for sending him to laff it up with regular folk. Hey, maybe it works really well in person, but is anyone else paying attention to the President anymore? The guy does like three of these a day now, and we were gonna ask how he’s still finding the time to do President-law-enforcing stuff, but if rappin’ with the kids distracts him from, say, NUKING IRAN, then we’re all for it. MORE »