Variations of this new Starbucks ad have been on the television recently, for some new coffee dongle. Essentially, “now you can pay a shitload for our instant coffee too!” But town halls are dead, is the point. They’ve been dead for a month or so, and now they are dead-dead. [YouTube]

There is a formula for instant success in our nation’s great health care town halls: So you, the congressperson, mention some constituent whose medical condition would definitely take a turn for the worse in the event of the mere existence of the public option. What follows is death—irrecoverable death by death panel. Maybe even you have a photo of said constituent, hey that’s great! That is… it. Tragically, things went terribly awry the other day in Texas, as Republican Congressman Pete Olson’s town hall turned violently factual. MORE »

Meh, who wants to watch this whole thing? But it’s worth looking at the beginning to see her booed by town hall attendees for making a joke about Tiger Woods loaning the president $300 trillion. “HEALTHCARE, THIS IS A HEALTHCARE FORUM,” they shout, which is just a deeply unserious thing to yell in a public forum when your congresswoman is trying to get out a joke. Good times start around the 2:15 mark. [YouTube/Dusty Trice]

Ha ha, we love it when situations call for WALNUTS! to become the voice of reason. Here is the exact question that this old lady, let’s call her “Medicare & Social Security Teat-Suckler #1,” poses to the Man Who Would Be President: “I would like to know how the president is getting by with all of this… money… it’s against the Constitution. Doesn’t he know that we still live under a Constitution?” [WILD APPLAUSE ERUPTS AFTER THIS DISASTROUS NONSENSE] Walnuts responds that, yes, he does know this [AUDIENCE: SMUG LAUGHTER] and even dares say that Obama respects the Constitution. The audience does not care for this sentiment. [YouTube]

Bachmann. She got on some conference call last week with 350,000 people, to tell them Facts. Here’s the gist, of it, according to the Minnesota Independent: “In response to a caller from Minnesota who wanted to know if there was a plan afoot in Washington to require all medical doctors to perform abortions, Bachmann didn’t exactly shoot the suggestion down.” But here was her most urgent message for these people about health care reform: “That’s really where this battle will be won — on our knees in prayer and fasting,” she told the listeners. ‘Remember: faith without works is dead. So we’re asking you to do all of it: pray, fast, believe, trust the Lord, but also act.’” We agree with Bachmann on this one: all of these folks *should* fast! Fast faster, people! Make it a goal to not eat or drink for TWO WEEKS. Big outer space man will be mad if you don’t do this! [Minnesota Independent]

That guy who brought one measly handgun (on his thigh!) to Obama’s rally in New Hampshire last week? He was a pussy. This fellow this morning brought a pistol and an AR-15 semi-automatic assault rifle to Obama’s town hall in Arizona this morning. He “was walking around the pro-health care reform rally at 3rd and Washington streets.” 100% legal, times a million, to boot. Next week some slob will bring a Panzer tank to one of these things, “just in case” he has to protect his rights. [Arizona Republic via Gawker]

Ugh SO CONFUSING. So are these healthcare-focused town hall meetings across the nation 1) being constantly disrupted by belligerent, gun-toting angry nutballs or 2) the site of reasoned and civil discussion among people who, for the most part, are acting like grownups? MORE »

It is well known in Republican circles that anyone comparing Barack Obama to former German senator Adolf Hitler is secretly a black Democrat ‘plant,’ in a union. This includes Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, but only during those times that they are saying Barack Obama loves Hitler and vice versa. How much does Barack Obama’s union, “Organizing for America,” pay these fat slobs to say or “imply” these things in public, to make anti-health care people “come across” as insane? No one knows. (Five blowjobs.) But today we learned, on the Internet, that Obama’s fraudulent plant-reach extends even further, to the mainstream Democrats known as “LaRouchies,” who comprise a solid 87 percent of the American left. MORE »

Nearly a week ago — and doesn’t it seem like just yesterday? — the country was ROCKED by allegations of Racial Strife stemming from an alleged assault on a black conservative outside one of Obama’s Death Panel Meet ‘n’ Greets. And every day we learn something new, or think we learn something new, about poor Kenneth Gladney’s employment status or insurance coverage or degree of injury or whatever. The newest hot news: dude has insurance coverage after all! MORE »

Oh, oh yes, do watch this video from Claire McCaskill’s town hall yesterday. Old serial killer-ish guy just gets up from the bleachers, STEALS the black lady’s poster of Rosa Parks that she’d been showing a reporter, rips and crumples it up, cops chase ‘em all out, and everyone boos the black lady. Raw Democracy! [Pam's House Blend]

Yay is everybody ready for the most rip-roaring good time ever at a town hall since a mob of outraged yokels stole George Washington’s wooden teeth and chased him off the premises clad only in his skivvies and the 18th-century version of a women’s brassiere (two monkey skulls held together with catgut and lignum vitae)? That’s what happens when you mess with New Hampshire, the forgotten Appalachia of the American Northeast. MORE »