Tag: torture

Serious Trump is Serious

If President Donald Trump Tortures You, That Means It’s Not Illegal

Donald Trump loves him some torture, so much. Whenever he can, he explains how he'd bring back waterboarding -- and more! -- and maybe also kill some terrorists' families, because you gotta be tough with these animals. In Thursday's debate,...

Fox News Tries To Slay Donald Trump, Gets ‘A’ For Effort

Last night, Fox News surprised the hell out of us. Not by trying in valiant vain to slay the Beast Who Mocks, Donald Trump -- we knew they'd do that. What we didn't expect is that they would employ...

Ben Carson Plans To End Terrorism With ‘Truth Serum,’ Also Jetpacks Maybe

Actual Brain Surgeon, alleged medical doctor, and reputed presidential candidate -- or ready and willing vice presidential candidate, at least -- Ben Carson has a surefire solution to the War On Terror: rather than resort to torture, why not use the...
He may or may not get to have a word with the Framers about original intent.

Antonin Scalia Still Dead

Antonin Scalia, the senior Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, has died in Texas at the age of 79. Scalia was found dead Saturday morning at a ranch near Marfa, where he had been staying after a day of...
Caramba!

NH Primary Down To Donald Trump’s Watermelon-Sized Balls, Ted Cruz’s Vagina

In Manchester, New Hampshire, Monday night, Donald Trump continued an unbroken string of getting away with crap that would have sunk any other campaign in history, enthusiastically repeating a supporter's shout that Ted Cruz is a pussy for hesitating...
He is very excited about his new job!

Pansy POW Loser John McCain Still Against Torture, Will Never Be President Now

Sen. John McCain has some stern words for you Republican presidential candidates who had yourselves a grand ol' party time on Saturday night, debating whether waterboarding is torture (it is), whether we should do it anyway (we should not),...
I AM THE DUMMEST AND I BREATHE OUT OF MY MOUTH

Tom Cotton Screwing Up The One Good Thing Congress Might’ve Done This Year

Wow, it looks like Congress is actually going to accomplish something for once, on prison reform! Surely, no one can screw this one up for us, right? Ohhh, you sweet summer child. So who's here to rain on our happy...
Family Court recommends placement with a more stable parent

It’s A Thanksgiving Miracle! Evil Abusive ‘Chicken Coop’ Mom Going To Jail Forever

Yet another contender for Worst Parent of Forever emerged this week, as a jury convicted Diana Franklin on multiple felony counts of child abuse of her adopted daughter. The girl, now 18, testified that she was underfed, forced to lie naked on a bed...
Don't call it torture. Call it nostalgia

Carly Fiorina Would Like A Shot At Torturing Islamics, Please

Continuing her fact-free Git Tuff stance on national defense in last week's debate -- the Sixth Fleet hasn't shrunk, a few thousand extra troops in Germany would mean nothing, and there's already a new missile defense system in Poland...

Liz Cheney Knows Real U.S. American Patriots Love Old Dick

If you loved last year's op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, by Dick Cheney and his evil spawn Liz, about why OBAMA SUX, you'll be quite aroused in your privates to know that they have written a whole entire book about why...

Fox Genius Dana Perino Real Upset People Hate Torture More Than They Love Babies

Oh look, here is former George W. Bush spokesditz and current Fox Blonde Dana Perino, doing a dumb on the teevee again. Yes, again. What crawled up her butt and died this time? Did her husband get arrested some more? No,...
An elegant enhanced interrogation method from a more civilized age

Senate Votes To End Torture, Not That We Ever Did That

As we know, the United States of America does not torture people. George Bush said we didn't, and then Barack Obama officially ended it with an executive order, mostly, and then last fall the Senate released its report on...

CIA Learned Hottest Torture Tricks From American Psychological Association

From the shores of the Pacific to the Singing Statesmen of DC, the "War On Terror" really brought out the best in us, didn’t it? Now we can add the American Psychological Association (APA) to the list of willingly...
Still the dumbest book cover in the history of U.S. America

Allen West Can Keep Football Players From Getting Hurt, Just By Saying A Little Prayer!

Allen West, the Guardian of the Republic vile, disgraced torture fetishist and congressional race-loser who is also a creepazoid sex pervert, took some time off from those activities recently to discuss football injuries, and the best way to prevent them....
At the McClean (Virginia) of Madness

Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney

The weak light of my sputtering candle guided my descent down the stone steps. In the glow I could read the ancient runes carved in the walls, but of the ancient terrors inscribed there I must not speak.  At...
The transcript also appears to have been altered

House GOP Posts SOTU Video With Climate Stuff Magically Erased

Here's a fun little bit of political ratfucking (not really, it's totally an accident!): When the House Republican website posted a version of Tuesday's State of the Union address, with Republican talking points popping up to reply to each...