July 25, 2014
There’s this guy running for president, see, and he keeps yelling about “America” and “freedom” and how noble our pursuits are, and how barbaric and backwards and cruel our enemies are, and how “the values of this great land are those values that make us the greatest nation on earth,” which sounds great, until you […]
Does your family throw great interventions? Catered, maybe, with a really soothing jazz band noodling in the background to provide that little oomph? Don’t worry, it comes with practice. Soon you’ll have it down to the point where you no longer even need to assign roles like “stop and get the deli platter,” and “don’t […]
Father to Morning Joe cohost Mika Zbrezinzszkzy and Poland’s former intelligence chief Zbigniew Siemiatkowski has been charged with violating international law and “unlawfully depriving prisoners of their liberty” by helping the CIA to set up a “black site” Qaeda (and, of course, “Qaeda-accused” and “Qaeda-adjacent”) prison in Poland. This is excellent news for Dick Cheney!
Here is a little girl throwing water and mud on top of a goldfish she dumped on the ground. Did you know that it’s also a political ad from Herman Cain, decrying the Stimulus? Of course you did, what else would it be.
Your former editor Juli Weiner has an Important Article at Vanity Fair about Mitt Romney’s strange Official Portrait from when he was the socialist governor of Taxachusetts. For all of his money and all of his calculated lust for public life, Romney acts like he was sewn into the wrong body — a characteristic that […]
Evil zombie Dick Cheney came back from the dead recently to hack up a book, mostly as a courtesy to the hobos pillaging Borders stores across the country, who would otherwise go without the materials needed to kindle their trash can fires. That book is here now, and it is causing “controversy,” for the people […]
At some point during the Iraq War, the United States decided not only to torture and unlawfully imprison all the furriner brown people it could get its hands on; it also decided to start torturing and unlawfully imprisoning its own citizens as well. Hooray for totalitarianism! During the war, Old Rummy Rum gave one of […]
In a moment of weakness last week, Dick Cheney, whose human form is still somehow able to emit sulfurous breaths of scorn despite not having a pulse for the better part of a year, said something nice about Barack Obama after the dirty socialist captured and killed Osama bin Laden. But by the time Cheney […]
Republican governors are deeply envious of union-bustin’ blowhard Scott Walker and all of his delicious campaign Koch-tributions. Especially Florida governor Rick Scott! Sometimes Rick Scott fantasizes about skinning Scott Walker and then making a body suit out of the skin, so that he can have something nice to wear for important occasions (like the Royal […]
While your country was starting another war and also still losing two other wars and also ignoring some of our closer Arab Dictatorship Allies as they massacred their own people, 80-year-old Daniel Ellsberg peacefully protested outside the White House on the eighth (!) anniversary of America’s occupation of Iraq. And he was handcuffed and hauled […]
Guess who turned out to be the biggest asshole in the world? Your boyfriend, Barack Obama. The latest outrage in the Bradley Manning situation involves Obama’s direct involvement in the firing of State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley — because Crowley committed the sin of condemning the torture and abuse of U.S. Army Private Bradley Manning, […]
A British court ruled on Thursday that Julian Assange is an international INTERPOL Amber Alert Threat and must be extradited to Sweden immediately, so that he doesn’t miss his connecting flight to Bagram. (How many hours of “hanging on a meat hook” will it take before Julian confesses that he is Un-American, just like Scotland […]
Glenn Greenwald scoop! It turns out accused WikiLeak Army guy Bradley Manning has been rotting in solitary confinement for five months in the Marine brig in Quantico, Virginia, and hasn’t yet been brought to trial. Greenwald says this is very torturey, but what is the U.S. supposed to do? Let him move freely among the […]
What is the one thing that Joe Miller hates more than anything, besides “Lisa Murkowski”? Discretion. Joe Miller hates discretion, because how can you “discreetly arrest someone for asking a question”? You can’t, QED. So it should come as no surprise that Joe Miller is suing Alaska, in order to “keep the state from using […]
Bush’s final Decision Point of his charmed life: The former first lady added the ex-president’s favorite app is Scrabble. “Scrabble is the one that George now seems to be playing constantly,” she said. “Like, I’m trying to get his attention; ‘I’m still here.’” As for Mrs. Bush, she doesn’t have an iPad but says she […]