torture
Accused WikiLeaker Subjected To Solitary Confinement ‘Torture’
Glenn Greenwald scoop! It turns out accused WikiLeak Army guy Bradley Manning has been rotting in solitary confinement for five months in the Marine brig in Quantico, Virginia, and hasn’t yet been brought to trial. Greenwald says this is very torturey, but what is the U.S. supposed to do? Let him move freely among the [...]
Famous Lying Dildo Joe Miller Sues Alaska For Using ‘Discretion’
What is the one thing that Joe Miller hates more than anything, besides “Lisa Murkowski”? Discretion. Joe Miller hates discretion, because how can you “discreetly arrest someone for asking a question”? You can’t, QED. So it should come as no surprise that Joe Miller is suing Alaska, in order to “keep the state from using [...]
Oh, and Bush Now Spends His Days Playing Board Games For Hours
Bush’s final Decision Point of his charmed life: The former first lady added the ex-president’s favorite app is Scrabble. “Scrabble is the one that George now seems to be playing constantly,” she said. “Like, I’m trying to get his attention; ‘I’m still here.’” As for Mrs. Bush, she doesn’t have an iPad but says she [...]
Shameful DC Man Joins Yuppie Cult
As long as Wonkette keeps calling people “Quiznos-stuffed slobs” and “corn-syrup-chugging Hot Pockets monsters,” I figure that it’s only fair that I try not being a wheezing lard burden on society myself. Thus, I’ve been trying frickin’ yoga, an increasingly popular DC pastime in which pretentious people get to sometimes literally sniff each other’s butts [...]
‘The Night Before 9/11′: a Holiday Poem
We realize that today is 9/11 Eve, and you are planning on spending your evening with friends and family in merriment. Sadly, this has become such a commercialized holiday, and it’s important to remember the little things that make 9/11 so special. The true meaning of 9/11 is that it handed George W. Bush a [...]
Complaining After the CIA Tortures You Is Illegal, Says Federal Court
A huge victory for Freedom: A federal appeals court on Wednesday ruled that former prisoners of the CIA could not sue over their alleged torture in overseas prisons because such a lawsuit might expose secret government information. Everybody already knows we torture people. It is not “secret government information.”
Christiane Amanpour Is Your New George Stephanopoulos!
In your continuing coverage of teevee anchors who work on shows you don’t watch, here’s some news on the foreign correspondent with the bangs and the weird accent! Christiane Amanpour, “the thinking man’s Scud Stud,” will replace George Stephanopoulos as the host of ABC’s “This Week.”
Internet Star Barack Obama Talked About Twitter Like The Whole Time He Was Abroad
Obama told Chinese teenagers about the uncensored Internet, a mediocre collection of re-purposed AP articles and some videos that generally people only like when it’s not available. [New York Times] Over at some United Nations summit, everyone bonded about how much they hate hunger but declined to throw any money at the problem. [AP] Starting [...]
Trent Reznor’s Like Soo Upset That His Music Doesn’t Square With The UN Convention Against Torture
The worst bands on Earth are very offended that their music has been played at Gitmo as part of actual torture, which, legally-speaking, is somehow different than being playing in your stupid brother’s car like constantly. All your favorites—Trent Reznor, Billy Bragg, Tom Morello, etc. etc.—have joined the National Campaign to Close Guantanamo, some sort [...]
Liz Cheney And Bill Kristol’s New KeepAmericaSafe Website Can And Would Torture GOP.com To Death
So Liz Cheney and Bill Kristol talked to some bigwigs over at Internet, who have finally agreed to publish KeepAmericaSafe.com! As soon as you can tear yourself away from Michael Steele’s A Man Got To Have A Code blog, your editor at Wonkette implores you to join us on a tour of this latest significant [...]
It’s Fine, Obama Will Just Make Do With Bush’s Vintage Fake Legal Rationales For Torture
A choice bit of news today for terrorists and people who just seem like terrorists: Obama and his legal pals have decided that they will not be giving themselves any more pretend legal authority in order to detain suspicious people indefinitely. It turns out Bush and Cheney did a pretty comprehensive job of back in [...]
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