Tag Archives: torture

  pray the concussions away

Allen West Can Keep Football Players From Getting Hurt, Just By Saying A Little Prayer!

Is there nothing this man CANNOT fail at, we mean do?
Allen West, the Guardian of the Republic vile, disgraced torture fetishist and congressional race-loser who is also a creepazoid sex pervert, took some time off from those activities recently to discuss football injuries, and the best way to prevent them. No, it is not about padding or anything like that, it is prayer! You see, Allen West played football in high school, so he is an expert. Speaking to a wingnut group in Texas, West explained that back in HIS day, they made sure to pray before every single game, and because of that, he doesn’t remember ANYBODY getting injured or paralyzed. Read more on Allen West Can Keep Football Players From Getting Hurt, Just By Saying A Little Prayer!…
  Tales of Terror

Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney

At the McClean (Virginia) of Madness
The weak light of my sputtering candle guided my descent down the stone steps. In the glow I could read the ancient runes carved in the walls, but of the ancient terrors inscribed there I must not speak.  At the bottom I emerged into a cavern, its dimensions unknowable in the darkness. There was a phosphorous scent like none I had smelled before. From out of the gloaming, an unearthly chuckle beckoned me near. Read more on Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney…
  We Have Always Been At War With Climate Science

House GOP Posts SOTU Video With Climate Stuff Magically Erased

The transcript also appears to have been altered
Here’s a fun little bit of political ratfucking (not really, it’s totally an accident!): When the House Republican website posted a version of Tuesday’s State of the Union address, with Republican talking points popping up to reply to each point President Obama made, the posted version of the speech left out at least two significant portions of the speech, deleting almost everything about global warming: Read more on House GOP Posts SOTU Video With Climate Stuff Magically Erased…
  Get [REDACTED]!

CIA Lady Was Worst Spy Ever, Got Promoted To King Of Torture

Not that the CIA was as competent about these guys
Just when we’d thought we’d heard all the worst from the Senate’s report on the CIA’s torture program, along comes even more. Not only did the CIA do some pretty horrific stuff that violated the law without gaining any significant intelligence, it also turns out that one of the key players in the program appears to have been stunningly bad at her job — and kept getting promoted. In fact, it appears that her dismal performance was one reason for the CIA’s refusal to allow the Intelligence Committee report to identify people by pseudonym: It would have made it too easy to recognize that one top official had screwed up again and again. Read more on CIA Lady Was Worst Spy Ever, Got Promoted To King Of Torture…
  Grey Lady To Be Renditioned To Black Site

New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System

The New York Times editorial board ran an editorial Monday calling for the prosecution of those who ran the CIA’s torture program, proving that they are a bunch of hopeless romantics who believe in justice. They aren’t especially hopeful, noting that President Obama has shown virtually no interest in actually prosecuting anyone for torturing some folks, but bless them, they make the case anyway: Read more on New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System…
  Rick Santorum Saw This Coming

Do Not Click On This Story About Rumored CIA-Detainee Rape By Dogs. Really, Don’t.

Please don't send me to the Bad Kennel!
We’re not sure what’s more depressing about this story alleging that CIA torture contractors may have used dogs to rape detainees in Afghanistan: The possibility that it happened, our realization that the CIA hasn’t given us any reason to think they’d never stoop to such a thing, or the dead certainty that if the allegations are proven true, there will be plenty of Americans who will not only make excuses for it, but will actually insist that using dogs to rape Muslim prisoners was a pretty clever thing to do. If it was done. Read more on Do Not Click On This Story About Rumored CIA-Detainee Rape By Dogs. Really, Don’t….
  What’s more American than rectal hydration with mom’s apple pie?

Not At All Shocking New Poll Proves Torture Is Totally An American Value, Actually

It's not wrong when America does it
It’s a good thing we finally got the summarized and redacted truth about the CIA’s torture program so Americans would, at long last, be able to express their informed indignation and demand some accountability. Read more on Not At All Shocking New Poll Proves Torture Is Totally An American Value, Actually…
  Here have some news n stuff

Justice Scalia: What’s So Terrible About Torture? It Works On TV!

What's the difference between real life and TV? Who knows? Who cares?
At least Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia isn’t in a position to make important decisions that affect people’s lives, or this might be a tad disturbing: Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia says torture — depending on the circumstances, like if a nuclear bomb was planted in Los Angeles — isn’t necessarily off limits. […] Read more on Justice Scalia: What’s So Terrible About Torture? It Works On TV!…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)

Might be making an excellent point about something, might be a Motown back-up singer
In his press conference on the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture, CIA Director John Brennan acknowledged that interrogators did some things that were “abhorrent and rightly should be repudiated by all,” but also explained that it was a crazy time and everybody was just doing the best they could to Protect America. Read more on Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)…
  Rectally Infused Excuses

CIA Chief: Torture Is Bad, We Shouldn’t Do It, Now Please Shut Up About It

It's an art, apparently
CIA Director John Brennan held a press conference today to respond to the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture during the Bush administration, and he gave a very clear message: The CIA is good, torture is bad, it’s hard to say whether torture led to useful intelligence, but it definitely helped find Osama bin Ladin, and it was a long time ago so can we please just look to the future please? Read more on CIA Chief: Torture Is Bad, We Shouldn’t Do It, Now Please Shut Up About It…
  Tortured Logic 2: Electric (Shocks To The Genitals) Boogaloo

Dick Cheney Throws George W. Bush Under War Criminal Bus

Dick Cheney, the dark lord who makes Satan himself cringe, wants you to know a few things about that Senate report on torture that he has not read but knows is not only “hooey” but also “full of crap.” Read more on Dick Cheney Throws George W. Bush Under War Criminal Bus…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Surprise, CIA Torture Program Was Run By Idiots (Video)

Poinsettias and torture reports go together so well
Rachel Maddow started off her Tuesday show with one of those Historical Context pieces she’s so fond of, and it was a doozy: the story of Yuri Nosenko, the KGB agent who defected to the USA in 1964. Despite Nosenko’s having worked as a double agent and then voluntarily giving the CIA a trove of information, the agency — hoping to get the real truth on Lee Harvey Oswald — tortured Nosenko from 1964 to 1967, eventually deciding he’d been truthful after all. Then they gave him a nice pension, a new identity, and a new life somewhere in America. He died in 2008. You’d think maybe the CIA might have learned something about the value of torture in getting useful intelligence. But no, instead we got the Bush administration’s torture program, the subject of yesterday’s Senate Intelligence Committee report. Read more on Morning Maddow: Surprise, CIA Torture Program Was Run By Idiots (Video)…
  We Know Where The Lies Are: East West South And North Somewhat

Donald Rumsfeld Has Nothing To Say About Torture, But He’d Like Your Money

Maybe he can make this
Remember the good old days, of, say, 2004, before we knew for an absolute fact that our government was torturing the hell out of detainees? All we had then were rumors and some photographs and maybe some videos and some blown whistles about some “bad apples” — and a whole lot of denials from the Bush administration, who would never lie about anything, because “we don’t torture.” Read more on Donald Rumsfeld Has Nothing To Say About Torture, But He’d Like Your Money…
  Rectal Infusions Of American Exceptionalism

Fox News Explains America Is The Best, So Who Cares About Torture?

This isn't about democracy, this is about politics. Which Democracy doesn't need.
The nice folks at Fox News are pretty darn angry about the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on the CIA’s post-9/11 torture program, but not about anything revealed in the report. No, the great patriots at Fox are mostly angry that the report is being released at all, especially at a time when it will distract from the very important appearance of Obamacare Archfiend Jonathan Gruber, who’s testifying before a House panel today. Obviously, the Dems are just trying to cover up the War Crimes of the Affordable Care Act by nattering on about some Muslims who got their feelings hurt. OK, and at least one guy who was a case of mistaken identity died of hypothermia, and two other guys who were tortured even though they had already worked as CIA informants. But they never called the American people stupid, now did they? You see, it’s all about priorities. Let’s see how Fox Fair And Balanced the shit out of the torture report today! Read more on Fox News Explains America Is The Best, So Who Cares About Torture?…
  Obviously a distraction from SomethingElseGhazi

GOP Senators Would Rather Not Talk About Torture, Thanks. Or ‘Torture.’

Chock fulla wet beans.
It sure would be nice if we could put aside our partisan differences for just one half of one second to agree that torturing people — by, for example, raping prisoners with food, or, for another example, killing them — is bad and wrong, and we shouldn’t do that. But yeah, sure, right, whatEVER. This is America, where the one and only time we can agree on anything at all is that Nazis suck. Read more on GOP Senators Would Rather Not Talk About Torture, Thanks. Or ‘Torture.’…
  What Part Of 'Don't Torture' Is So Hard To Get?

Does John McCain Really Have To Remind You About Torture Again, You A**holes?

You wouldn't like him when he's angry. OK, or any other time.
We are, on the whole, not huge fans of John McCain here at Yr Wonkette. There’s the angry mood swings — mostly from one variety of anger to another; the petulance; the desire to bomb America’s way to greatness again; and of course the fact that he inflicted that vice-presidential candidate of his on America. But for all that, we’ll also give him credit for having always been solid on why America shouldn’t use torture: not only does it not work, it’s just plain un-American. If there’s one thing he actually earned from those FIVE AND A HALF YEARS ALAN, it’s credibility on the topic of torture. Read more on Does John McCain Really Have To Remind You About Torture Again, You A**holes?…
  tortured logic

Dick Cheney Gives Torture Five Stars, Would Torture Again

Is this image hyperbolic? It might be a little hyperbolic.
The Senate Intelligence Committee released its much-anticipated report on the Bush administration’s CIA torture program today, and it’s a pretty big deal. If we’re to believe Fox News, it might be as inflammatory as that “Innocence of Muslims” video that sparked riots all over the Muslim world, except not in Benghazi. Read more on Dick Cheney Gives Torture Five Stars, Would Torture Again…
  Another Beneficiary Of Wingnut Welfare

Allen West To Head Up ‘Think’ Tank. Stop Laughing, You Guys, It’s Not Funny.

Finally a place for his talents
Congratulations to disgraced torturer ex-Rep. Allen West on finding a jerb! (We were going to say “honest work,” but this is Allen West we’re talking about, after all.) According to a big ol’ press release, come Jan. 2, 2015, the former disgraced colonel and former one-term congressman will become CEO of the “National Center for Policy Analysis,” a Dallas-based think tank that shills for the oil and insurance industries and thinks that global warming is a big conspiracy. And yes, it probably gets money from Koch Industries, too. Read more on Allen West To Head Up ‘Think’ Tank. Stop Laughing, You Guys, It’s Not Funny….
  loyalty oaf

Torture Hero Allen West Just Asking If Legless Vet Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth Is ‘Loyal’ Is All

American torture hero and semiemployed former congressjerk Allen West is very, very concerned about this “Tammy Duckworth” person having agreed to be on the Big BenghaziPalooza Special Committee, because how can Americans be sure she actually loves America, and is not some kind of legless traitor like Max Cleland? Read more on Torture Hero Allen West Just Asking If Legless Vet Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth Is ‘Loyal’ Is All…
  baptism of ire

Sarah Palin Will Waterboard All The Muslims For Jesus

Here’s conceptual artist Sarah Palin at the NRA convention Saturday, explaining how she would win the war on terror by simultaneously ignoring both the First and the Eighth Amendments: They obviously have information on plots to carry out Jihad. Oh, but you can’t offend them, can’t make them feel uncomfortable, not even a smidgen. Well, if I were in charge, they would know that waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists. We’re not sure what the most hilarious part of this line is — the desire to live out Ann Coulter’s dream of victory through forced conversion, the mistaken belief that torture gets reliable intelligence, or the very notion that Sarah Palin will ever be in charge of anything but a third-rate cable TV show. Read more on Sarah Palin Will Waterboard All The Muslims For Jesus…
  Enhanced Parenting Techniques

Heartwarming Viral Video Presents Motherhood As CIA Torture. Yay Moms.

Have you seen that ADORABLE ad, about how moms are unpaid slaves and what kind of idiot would take a job as one? Here, watch all 14 hours because apparently Ghost Andy Warhol is making greeting card viral videos now. (My mom: “I watched ‘Empire’ in the theater. It was WONDERFUL.” My mom is a liar.) Read more on Heartwarming Viral Video Presents Motherhood As CIA Torture. Yay Moms….
  back in the addled again

Liz Cheney Works Hard, Earns All The Pinocchios Her Very First Day Back At Fox

Failed “Wyoming” Senatorial candidate Liz Cheney has triumphantly returned to her previous job as a Fox News contributor, proving that government assistance to the unemployed is not needed when you’re a friend of the conservative mediaplex. After a spectacularly unsuccessful challenge to incumbent Sen. Mike Enzi, Cheney ended her campaign in January, citing unspecified “serious health issues” in her family. We hope her re-emergence on cable TV means that whoever/whatever that was has gotten much better. Wonder if her sister is talking to her yet? Read more on Liz Cheney Works Hard, Earns All The Pinocchios Her Very First Day Back At Fox…