December 9, 2013
An Army judge has found Private First Class Bradley Manning guilty on most charges relating to espionage, in his release of classified information to Wikileaks. Manning was found not guilty on the biggest charge, “aiding the enemy,” which could have put him in prison for life without parole. It’s probably about the best he could [...]
Since Fox News does not (yet) have representation in the United States Senate, torture fan Liz Cheney announced Tuesday afternoon that she is willing to let the state of Wyoming elect her in 2014, especially now that she owns a house there and everything. We now find ourselves in the curious position of kind of half-heartedly [...]
James Comey, Barack Obama’s nominee for Director of the FBI, testified Tuesday that he believes whistle-blowers are a necessary part of democracy. Appearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Comey said that “whistle-blowers are also a critical element of a functioning democracy. Folks have to feel free to raise their concerns, and if they are not [...]
This month marks the ten-year anniversary of the invasion of Iraq and Operation YARRRGHHHH FREEDOM LIBERATORS DERPDERPDERP. Do you remember where you were when you first heard our brave troops had crossed the border in their insufficiently armored vehicles? We were in a cubicle in Burbank, CA, reading CNN and facepalming, but as much as [...]
Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC), who is the Other Black House Republican Besides Allen West, is your newest Senator from South Carolina, after Jim Demint left to grift money at the Heritage Foundation! YAY!!! Many people think that Tim Scott is somehow better because he is more moderate than Allen West, which is sort of like a fried [...]
In these uncertain times, it is comforting to know some things never change. Like John Yoo, who you may remember as the author of the Torture Memos during the Bush Administration! Has he had a change of heart about helping the American government justify its use of torture on detainees captured in the course of [...]
There’s this guy running for president, see, and he keeps yelling about “America” and “freedom” and how noble our pursuits are, and how barbaric and backwards and cruel our enemies are, and how “the values of this great land are those values that make us the greatest nation on earth,” which sounds great, until you [...]
Does your family throw great interventions? Catered, maybe, with a really soothing jazz band noodling in the background to provide that little oomph? Don’t worry, it comes with practice. Soon you’ll have it down to the point where you no longer even need to assign roles like “stop and get the deli platter,” and “don’t [...]
Father to Morning Joe cohost Mika Zbrezinzszkzy and Poland’s former intelligence chief Zbigniew Siemiatkowski has been charged with violating international law and “unlawfully depriving prisoners of their liberty” by helping the CIA to set up a “black site” Qaeda (and, of course, “Qaeda-accused” and “Qaeda-adjacent”) prison in Poland. This is excellent news for Dick Cheney!
Here is a little girl throwing water and mud on top of a goldfish she dumped on the ground. Did you know that it’s also a political ad from Herman Cain, decrying the Stimulus? Of course you did, what else would it be.
Your former editor Juli Weiner has an Important Article at Vanity Fair about Mitt Romney’s strange Official Portrait from when he was the socialist governor of Taxachusetts. For all of his money and all of his calculated lust for public life, Romney acts like he was sewn into the wrong body — a characteristic that [...]
Evil zombie Dick Cheney came back from the dead recently to hack up a book, mostly as a courtesy to the hobos pillaging Borders stores across the country, who would otherwise go without the materials needed to kindle their trash can fires. That book is here now, and it is causing “controversy,” for the people [...]
At some point during the Iraq War, the United States decided not only to torture and unlawfully imprison all the furriner brown people it could get its hands on; it also decided to start torturing and unlawfully imprisoning its own citizens as well. Hooray for totalitarianism! During the war, Old Rummy Rum gave one of [...]
In a moment of weakness last week, Dick Cheney, whose human form is still somehow able to emit sulfurous breaths of scorn despite not having a pulse for the better part of a year, said something nice about Barack Obama after the dirty socialist captured and killed Osama bin Laden. But by the time Cheney [...]
Republican governors are deeply envious of union-bustin’ blowhard Scott Walker and all of his delicious campaign Koch-tributions. Especially Florida governor Rick Scott! Sometimes Rick Scott fantasizes about skinning Scott Walker and then making a body suit out of the skin, so that he can have something nice to wear for important occasions (like the Royal [...]