torture
America Celebrates Decade Of Wedded Bliss To Iraq By Going Broke, Linking Petraeus To Torture
This month marks the ten-year anniversary of the invasion of Iraq and Operation YARRRGHHHH FREEDOM LIBERATORS DERPDERPDERP. Do you remember where you were when you first heard our brave troops had crossed the border in their insufficiently armored vehicles? We were in a cubicle in Burbank, CA, reading CNN and facepalming, but as much as [...]
In Bout Of Not-Affirmative Action, GOP To Promote Party’s Lone Remaining Black Representative
Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC), who is the Other Black House Republican Besides Allen West, is your newest Senator from South Carolina, after Jim Demint left to grift money at the Heritage Foundation! YAY!!! Many people think that Tim Scott is somehow better because he is more moderate than Allen West, which is sort of like a fried [...]
Creative Legal Thinker John Yoo: Not Deporting Children Is More Unconstitutional Than Crushing Their Balls
In these uncertain times, it is comforting to know some things never change. Like John Yoo, who you may remember as the author of the Torture Memos during the Bush Administration! Has he had a change of heart about helping the American government justify its use of torture on detainees captured in the course of [...]
Fuddy-Duddy Bush Lawyer Rains On Romney Middle East Torture Parties
There’s this guy running for president, see, and he keeps yelling about “America” and “freedom” and how noble our pursuits are, and how barbaric and backwards and cruel our enemies are, and how “the values of this great land are those values that make us the greatest nation on earth,” which sounds great, until you [...]
Romney, Cheney and McCain All Busy Interventioning Each Other Over Impending Presidential Loss
Does your family throw great interventions? Catered, maybe, with a really soothing jazz band noodling in the background to provide that little oomph? Don’t worry, it comes with practice. Soon you’ll have it down to the point where you no longer even need to assign roles like “stop and get the deli platter,” and “don’t [...]
Apparently You Can Get In Trouble For Helping CIA Run Torture Gulags Now
Father to Morning Joe cohost Mika Zbrezinzszkzy and Poland’s former intelligence chief Zbigniew Siemiatkowski has been charged with violating international law and “unlawfully depriving prisoners of their liberty” by helping the CIA to set up a “black site” Qaeda (and, of course, “Qaeda-accused” and “Qaeda-adjacent”) prison in Poland. This is excellent news for Dick Cheney!
Herman Cain Watches Girl Torture Goldfish From Mountaintop
Here is a little girl throwing water and mud on top of a goldfish she dumped on the ground. Did you know that it’s also a political ad from Herman Cain, decrying the Stimulus? Of course you did, what else would it be.
What’s the Mystery Thing In the Painting In the Mitt Romney Portrait?
Your former editor Juli Weiner has an Important Article at Vanity Fair about Mitt Romney’s strange Official Portrait from when he was the socialist governor of Taxachusetts. For all of his money and all of his calculated lust for public life, Romney acts like he was sewn into the wrong body — a characteristic that [...]
Dick Cheney Explains Why He Loves Torture (Because He Is Darth Vader)
Evil zombie Dick Cheney came back from the dead recently to hack up a book, mostly as a courtesy to the hobos pillaging Borders stores across the country, who would otherwise go without the materials needed to kindle their trash can fires. That book is here now, and it is causing “controversy,” for the people [...]
Hero Veteran Gets Court Permission To Sue The Pants Off Donald Rumsfeld
At some point during the Iraq War, the United States decided not only to torture and unlawfully imprison all the furriner brown people it could get its hands on; it also decided to start torturing and unlawfully imprisoning its own citizens as well. Hooray for totalitarianism! During the war, Old Rummy Rum gave one of [...]
Florida Governor Desperately Wants To Be Scott Walker, Fails Miserably
Republican governors are deeply envious of union-bustin’ blowhard Scott Walker and all of his delicious campaign Koch-tributions. Especially Florida governor Rick Scott! Sometimes Rick Scott fantasizes about skinning Scott Walker and then making a body suit out of the skin, so that he can have something nice to wear for important occasions (like the Royal [...]
Julian Assange Can Be Tortured By the Americans, U.K. Court Rules
A British court ruled on Thursday that Julian Assange is an international INTERPOL Amber Alert Threat and must be extradited to Sweden immediately, so that he doesn’t miss his connecting flight to Bagram. (How many hours of “hanging on a meat hook” will it take before Julian confesses that he is Un-American, just like Scotland [...]
blog advertising is good for you
