Wonkette

Last night we began hearing that Hillary Clinton was under serious consideration to be Barack Obama’s Secretary of State, and that she flew to Chicago to meet with him about possibilities. This being Hillary Clinton, we of course are now engulfed in a wave of rumors, leaks, trial balloons, anonymous sources… Drama. It is how the Clintons, or any stories remotely involving them, tend to roll out. Let’s see what the latest gossip’s telling us about old Hillary. It ranges anywhere from Ronald Reagan retroactively appointing her to be assistant manager at a Baskin Robbins in Utah to her going on food stamps to her having sex with Monica Lewinsky and Vince Foster on a pile of moon rocks, for Obama. MORE »

OH how we love this! We searched “biden cheney” on YouTube to find some clip of yesterday’s meet-and-kill and instead found a video of this image against a background of slowly changing colors and a delightful trip-hop song. It is five minutes long.. OH HELL, we’ll just put it after the jump. You people are all unemployed and stoned in a filthy dumpster right now, yes? You will love this. MORE »

A “high-level” aide to communist Sen. Barbara Boxer of California has been arrested after — whoops! — he was caught chatting and swapping cock pictures with 13-year-old boys on a liberal social network called “Google Hello.” Gross! And the funny thing about one of those 13-year-old boys was that he was actually an FBI detective, trying to capture him. OOPS. Let’s learn more about Mr. Jeff Rosato, who has walked straight into a cold Blowvember gust. MORE »

Ha ha, remember back in that debate when Barack Obama was asked how he can represent change if his advisors are a bunch of Billary cronies, and Hillary laughed at him meanly, and he said, “I’m looking forward to you advising me too, Hillary”? He wasn’t lying. He has decided to reconstruct the entire foul Clinton repository of hacks, brick by brick, until his presidency culminates in a hasty under-the-desk blow job from a fat chick. Many Obama supporters find this objectionable! MORE »

A thing that sucks about our nation’s current financial unpleasantness is that Congress wants to find solutions to it and Congress happens to suck. Other people who suck in this situation include Hank Paulson and “President” George Bush Jr. Barack Obama, too, for throwing himself into this situation that can only end in a sucky outcome. And lest we forget, the American auto industry — known by its appropriately sucky metonym, “Detroit” — sucks. So. Do we give car companies money for sucking or do we let a ton of workers in depressed areas lose their jobs and family health care plans? Oh, the wacky situations America finds itself in after ignoring massive problems for decades. MORE »

Michelle Obama is worse than Cindy McCain times Sarah Palin divided by Imelda Marcos times one million. Her election-night earrings cost a reported $11,000 — approximately twice what a healthy human kidney will fetch on the black market! This is a relevant metric because next year we will all be selling our kidneys to make rent, until we burn down our rental dwellings for firewood. Meanwhile, the Obamas will be sitting in the White House feasting on precious gems and fillets of endangered species. [New York Magazine/British Vogue]

Well now we have leverage with the Republican party to rebuild it in the likeness of Truck Nutz. The Paultards, meanwhile, have nothing. [Rebuild The Party]

Starting tomorrow, a bunch of leaders from the loser party will meet in the spicy gay Mexican outpost of Miami, Florida, for the most important event of the year: the Republican Governors Association’s 2008 Annual Conference (.PDF). Yay! They will supposedly discuss the future of the party, but since there is no future, it will just be five or ten potential 2012 candidates (including one S. Palin!) forging alliances to determine which will lose to Ralph Nader in four years. But! There are many delightful events on the conference schedule, so let’s see what the cool kids will be doing. MORE »

All you people have already read American Wife, right? If you did, you already know the “secret ending” to Laura Bush’s memoirs, which involves a Venezuelan sex orgy and nuclear war. But for those fans who can’t get enough of the First Lady, she will pen an Official Account of her life. The tentative title is Why Nice Librarians Should Not Marry Ignorant Clowns. MORE »

A ballsy Wonkette hero operative sends us a fantastic photo with this description: “I got convicted Senator Ted Stevens to sign this ‘I am VECO’ hat with a silver sharpie on election night 2008.” No, it’s not just funny because she fooled Stevens into believing that she was a supporter. Veco, for you hippie anti-corporates, was the corrupt company that bribed Ted Stevens with hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts and money, which he forgot to report! This led to his criminal conviction on seven counts, which was followed immediately by his reelection to the United States Senate.