Wonkette motorist operative “Marcus” sent us this telephone picture of the rather uncouth car he was stuck behind yesterday, during the Super Bowl of Retardation. This fellow hates Obama so much that he — and we’re presuming “he,” because how unladylike! — chose to attach a massive cut-out of a donkey shitting Obama’s head on his rear windshield, at the expense of his visibility. Another sticker reads, “King’s Dream is a Nightmare.” Oh that silly Martin Luther King Jr., always ripe for a joke. After the jump, another wacky leftover operative photo, from a Hill office. MORE »

Hooray, America is free! Unless Steny Hoyer memorized the House health care bill verbatim — AS WAS YOUR JOB STENY — and can transcribe it by votin’ time Saturday night, Pelosi’s AbortionCare is gone forever, strewn about on the floor outside her office. Independent and moderate voters must be so impressed with the Republican leaders’ professionalism today. [TwitPic/Mike Madden]

Here is a photograph of New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine’s greatest accomplishment in the last four years, when he crashed his car. Between his two runs, Jon Corzine has spent approximately $700 million of his own money trying to win one of the least desirable jobs in politics: the guy who has to raise taxes on a populace of constipated slobs who can’t even pump their own gas, by law. Will he luck out and lose tonight to the very fat Chris Christie? The television will tell us. MORE »

That’s Jefferson Davis, in the picture! Nearly 150 years ago, Jefferson Davis moved to Richmond, Virginia to become the first president of a new country where slaves could still pick the cotton, and indigo. Davis’ run came to an end eight years ago, when Democrat Mark Warner stole Davis’ Richmond mansion and all of its slaves. Democrat Tim Kaine did the same to Mark Warner four years later. But now it is Republican Bob McDonnell’s turn to take the mansion and slaves back from the liberals, the end. Polls close in a few minutes! Wolf Blitzer says he is “so excited,” oh ho ho… MORE »

Oh look, we’ve finally written “this post.” Thank you to all of the operatives who sent in sexy pictures of their vulgar pagan bacchanalia dress. Our favorite would have to be this one from “J.R.’s friend Ross,” dressing up as ol’ orange tar-lungs, John Boehner. MILLIONS MORE, below. MORE »

We’ve read these ten columns from the Washington Post-Newsweek Interactive Kaplan Test Prep Daily’s Actual Sex Contest, and not a single one pissed us off as much as an average column by George Will, Richard Cohen, Charles Krauthammer, David Ignatius, Bill Kristol, Fred Hiatt, Jackson Diehl, Ruth Marcus, Michael Gerson, David Broder, etc. But maybe we just don’t know them yet? MORE »

CURSE YOU, HIATT. MORE »

Unless you are “really into Jesus,” you will be celebrating the annual pagan bacchanal Hell-o-ween in just three days! We hear that “Mother-daugher slutty nurse combo paxxx” have been selling out at all drug stores nationwide, so what should you wear instead? How about a “political costume,” since you all love politics so much. You can be a famous politician like Joe Lieberman (with a knife in the back of the skull, for a nice touch?), or you can go as a concept, like, “Death Panels.” (Or just dress as nothing and watch teevee all night, who gives a shit?) But if you do have a “political costume” this year, please send us your sexy photos through the rest of the week, and we will convert them into easy posts and give you “iPhones.” TIPS@WONKETTE.COM.

Meet Roland Corning! Roland Corning, a 65-year-old married man, likes two things: 1. being an assistant district attorney in South Carolina and 2. filling his Ford Explorer with sex medicine and sex toys and 18-year-old prostitutes (for sex) and taking all these things to the local cemetery on Monday afternoons (for sex). This is illegal, all of it, well all of the second part. Except when a South Carolina policeman stopped Corning outside of his ad hoc graveyard pleasure den, he did not charge him with any crime after Corning identified himself as the Roland Corning, assistant district attorney and celebrated tombside rake. MORE »

Mark Sanford reviewed Ayn Rand (like as a human?) for Newsweek. This is a thing that happened! Anyway, Mark Sanford really did not think this whole thing out, publishing his close reading masterwork in Newsweek, as this essay has all the makings of a winner of The Ayn Rand Institute’s annual 8th to 10th grade Anthem essay contest! Grand prize = $85,000, and plus your name and high school gets posted on the Ayn Rand fansite, which will become hilarious for your friends by 11th grade at the very latest. Anyway, see if you can tell which conjectures came from Mark Sanford’s Newsweek essay and which came from the 2009 Anthem contest winner from “Mariemont High School, Cincinnati, OH, USA.” As always, grand prize is an “iPhone,” except the “i” is capitalized and shit because RIGHTS OF THE INDIVIDUAL SDLFJSLDK. MORE »

In today’s edition of “Things That Are Impossible To Overstate, According To The News Media,” we return to that years-old question of whether Barack Obama either modestly dislikes women, or hates every single woman’s fucking guts. This was a hot topic last year when Barack Obama defeated a woman in a presidential primary, a heinous display of chauvinism. Why not crap on Susan B. Anthony’s grave and punch Lucretia Mott in the boob, while you’re at it? And now Obama has done something far worse: played various sports with coteries of men, instead of women. This is the very definition of being “pro-life.” MORE »