Wonkette

• No matter what she says, Cindy Sheehan has no, and will never have, a reason to go to Norway. [Sweetness & Light]

• Christopher Hitchens has a disease, and the cure is a strict regimen of shut-the-fuck-up. [Ezra Klein]
• “We may be looking at emerging evidence of a homosexual recruitment ring that operated on Capitol Hill.” [Accuracy In Media]
• Oh hell yeah, it’s what we’ve been waiting for: $150,000 a year for being born American. U-S-A! U-S-A! [Hit & Run]
• Pentagon reporters will get a mea culpa from Rumsfeld — after they squeeze it from his cold dead lips. [Power Line]
• White House thankful baseball players are lousy pilots, giving us a chance to show how “ready” America is to defend condos. [HuffPo]
• Al Franken isn’t even as funny as he looks. [Galley Slaves]
• Terrorism confessions to surge as government now offers acid to detainees. [TPMMuckraker]
• Bill O’Reilly, flag peddler, doesn’t wear his own products and likes to keep his $1500 suits pinhole free while supporting the terrorists. [Media Matters]

Intern Nick is on vacation this week (along with the rest of DC), so your dedicated editors had to compile this edition of Washington’s favorite unverified stalking guide all by themselves. Pity us, and learn where Helen Thomas eats, and the places Robert Novak has been known to walk by. Also: did you know that C-Span anchors are celebrities? Brian Lamb sure didn’t! That was the week that was, after the jump.

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* More discussion of “Rush Limbaugh’s penis” and the Dominican hookers he’s been sticking it in. [The Republic of T] MORE »

An ad running on Talking Points Memo:

Either some ad copywriter didn’t quite understand the reference he was making here, or Al knows something the people of Vermont don’t. MORE »

• Washington Whispers: Al Gore insists he is not running president. . . Rep. Jim Nussle (R), frontrunner in Iowa’s gubernatorial race, has received donations from potential ‘08 contenders. [USN&WR]
• Inside the Beltway: DNC hand-delivers 160,000 separate FOIA requests about spying to the Justice Department. . . Christopher Hitchens, Grover Norquist, Wayne LaPierre, Bob Barr spotted at Old Town Alexandria’s Landini Brothers restaurant. [WT]
• Inside Politics: White House is searching for all of the photos that show Bush with Jack Abramoff. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Al Franken expects help from Hillary Clinton if he runs for Senate: “She totally gets it. She’s got a great, goofy sense of humor.” [NYDN]

• Reliable Source: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are not moving to D.C. [WP]
• Page Six: Al Franken receives a lecture after trying to question Antonin Scalia. . . Teresa Heinz Kerry said to have monopolized the bag department at Hermes. [NYP, NYP]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Antonin Scalia lashes out at the press at “off the record” panel discussion. [NYDN]
• Rush & Molloy: Bush at the turkey pardoning: “I know Marshmallow and Yam are going to feel pretty good strutting around sunny California, remembering the cold days of Minnesota.” [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: Barbara Walters is fascinated by Condoleezza Rice. [NYP]
• Inside the Beltway: Stories of Sen. George Allen, Sen. Jon Corzine, Sen. Bill Frist, Rumsfeld, Kissinger, and Bill O’Reilly appear in E.D. Hill’s new book. [WT]

• Washington Whispers: This week the RNC will release clips of top Democrats warning of the threat from Iraq. . . Samuel Alito is a “regular guy,” meaning he drives a 1999 Ford Taurus to purchase generic items from Safeway. . . Ted Kennedy’s position on Medicare was ripped by Jimmy Smits on “The West Wing”. . . Mike McCurry, John Podesta are advising Viktor Yushchenko, the president of Ukraine. . . Bush gave Laura green earrings and a necklace for her birthday. [USN&WR]
• Inside the Beltway: Bushes went to church without their pool reporter. [WT]
• Rush & Molloy: Clinton avoids solo picture with supermodel. . . Republican operatives are investigating Clinton’s relationship with a Westcheter divorcee. . . Al Franken to Arianna Huffington: “We can [bleep] now!” [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: Autographed copy of Libby’s novel goes for $24,000. [NYP]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Grove is auctioning his signed copy of Libby’s novel on eBay. [NYDN]
• Cindy Adams: McCain publishes new book for parents and kids. [NYP]

• “Americans for Better Justice” oppose Harriet Miers. Americans for the best justice just sort of depressed. [AFBJ]
• Judy and the Times: No more martinis and massages. [HuffPo]
• Some companies are so horrible about employees who leak about … really trivial shit. [Gawker, FishbowlNY]
• TIME’s New York office throws a party for new DC bureau chief Jay Carney. Because the DC office doesn’t need a morale boost or anything. Good luck, TIME NYC! Let us know if you need our notes or anything! [Gawker]
• Chris Matthews is my homie. Also: He luvs the “zesty” Fox! (Me too, Chrissy-wissy!) [Philly.com]
• Is Al Franken no longer funny? We’re concerned. Shit, he might be completely insane. [Michelle Malkin]
• Also: Indictment Bingo! While you still can! [Wonkette]

Why do people insist on thinking it’s somehow surprising that conservatives like the Grateful Dead? That their love of the shaggy, indulgent jam band contradicts a love of low taxes, mandatory sentencing, and amendments against flag-burning? Hey, Al Franken and Ann Coulter have something in common, that totally blows my mind. (Though we can understand why Coulter might be attracted to the image of dancing bones.) We refuse to listen to the music long enough to figure out if there is something about it that is essentially conservative or liberal — as with baseball and dogs and Orwell, the ease with which either side can make a claim suggests that they’re both wrong. We wish the conservatives could claim the band for their own, damnit. Would you take Sha-Na-Na while you’re at it? MORE »