Wonkette

Already known as the worst, meanest driver in Washington, this morning Robert Novak was caught by witnesses driving into a pedestrian and speeding away from the crime scene. Novak was racing down 18th Street through the K St. NW intersection when he hit a much younger man, a 66 year old who was using the crosswalk and had a green walk signal. MORE »

Oh man, weren’t we done with this guy? When did everybody know he had affairs and mistresses? We knew in October — if by “knew” you mean we posted some crap that the National Enquirer “reported” and the Huffington Post repeated. But now, suddenly, it seems there might be a pretty good prime-time speech slot open on probably Tuesday at the Democratic Convention, because John-John’s got (an alleged) love child! MORE »

Oh look, it’s John McCain’s daughter, Meghan McCain, and a performer from the teevee called Heidi Montag who is George W. Bush’s only supporter in America. But why doesn’t Meghan have any money? And why was she so terribly humiliated? MORE »

John McCain gave a speech at the NAACP convention today and, to publicize the event, his campaign authorized Dr. Ada Fisher, a Republican running for the House in North Carolina’s 12th district, to speak as an official surrogate to journalists covering it. That may not have been the best decision, however, as she offered some pretty inflammatory thoughts about how Barack Obama’s admitted past drug use should disqualify him from the presidency. According to Tampa’s WMNF radio — which sent Wonkette a partial transcription of its interview with Fisher, which they will air tonight — Fisher said, among other things, “We cannot have a nation high on drugs and have the President… as an example.” Thanks, Ada! Now we have to deal with this again. MORE »

Who cares about the stupid New Yorker cover? It just makes the silly-sallies at the Obama campaign look like, uh, silly-sallies, and makes the New Yorker look terribly unfunny, which it is, except for that Anthony Lane who is a stitch. No, the New Yorker is a not a comedic but a Journalistic magazine — and it can also help you figure out your summer vacations plans! Since you all have no homes or money, consider spending your “staycation” this way: roll yourself in a barrel down the street to your nearest public library with free Internet access, go to NewYorker.com and spend an ENTIRE WEEK reading Ryan Lizza’s 15,000-word — that’s 15 internet pages! — opus on Barack Obama’s Chicago days. What fun! We heard that Barack Obama threatens to kick someone’s ass in the piece, and since we are Dumb Americans, we found this juicy bit and read nothing else. MORE »

What dark human vice was engaged herein, June 12, 2008, among Wonketteers and thine ilk? MORE »

Now that your Wonkette has napped and commenced working on Drunkenness #3 of the day, it’s time for our first batch of Paultardpalooza photos! Here are some of the best Paultards we saw at the Ron Paul Rally, at the Capitol, courtesy of Wonkette Natty-Bo Operative “Taylor.” MORE »

If you have ever woken up early, not had your average 8 cups of coffee per hour, drank six beers before 11 a.m. (plus a shot!), stood mercilessly in the summer heat of Washington D.C., gone and had several more beers, and then come home, YOU WOULD HAVE THE WORST HEADACHE IN AMERICAN HISTORY, which is what your Wonkette editor currently has after Paultardpalooza 2k8. Here’s a teaser from Wonkette operative “Melanie,” a D.C. slave intern, but not a member of the venerable “house of six interns” that DID NOT SHOW today. More photos later today, tomorrow and the next day, if this goddamn throbbing sensation in my skull ever disappears. Thanks to the 15-20 amazing humans who showed up early this morning to drink alcohol for free.

We have our plans for Paultardpalooza, finally. We will meet at the gloriously iconic dive bar, the Tune Inn, at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow. We decided on the Tune Inn after calling various Capitol Hill bars and asking, “How early do you start serving alcohol in the morning?” Most places awkwardly tried to hang up, but the Tune Inn gave us a hearty “8 a.m.!” in response, and we appreciated that. MORE IMPORTANT DETAILS AFTER THE JUMP. MORE »

What motivates Senator Patrick Leahy? Money? Sex? Sex for money? Public service or whatever? No. No. No. It is Batman, and only the Batman, that gives Pat Leahy the will to live, in Washington. He was briefly seen (but not heard) in the Batman and Robin movie of a few years ago — the one with George Clooney’s chilly nipples. And last August, we reported that Leahy was set for a speaking role in The Dark Knight. See the exclusive & terrifying video, after the jump. MORE »