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WND Had A Most Cunning Plan To Stop Obama With Constitution, Except For One Tiny Detail: The Constitution

Judson Phillips, founder of Tea Party Nation and a guy who just loves the Constitution of the United States so much that he wakes up every morning with patriojizz all over his 2nd-amendment footie pajamas, published a brilliant plan...

Strippers Score Hot Legal Victory Over Terrible Rhino

Here at Wonkette, we take our goal of bringing you Very Serious Legal News very seriously. Whether it is politicians getting busted for the sexytime, politicians getting busted for the sexytime, or politicians getting busted for the...

New Birther Judge Gary Kreep: Gays Threw Pus And Come On Me

Did you know that in many states there are judicial elections? And that those judicial elections are a pathway for really exceptional conspiracy-driven wingnuts, rather than your garden-variety wingnut, to ascend to positions of power? And it is almost...

A Children’s Treasury of CEOs Throwing Very Grown-Up Tantrums Over Obamacare

If we were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, we would happily make ten cents less per unit in order to make sure that our employees have health care coverage. This would be DOUBLY true if we were...

Alabama Fella Pretty Much Started Petition ‘Cause Fascist Gubmint Shut Down His Nudie Carwash

Lots of red-blooded US Merkins love America so much they want to LEAVE IT (because Kenyan Mooslim Sharia Oppression and such). But one such patriot is a little more interesting! Sup, guy who started Alabama's secession petition Derrick Belcher,...

Great GOP Hope Marco Rubio: Let’s Just Go Ahead and Let Rich People Do Whatever

Marco Rubio, who we have been told is the New Face of the Republican party, has a brilliant take on solving the so-called fiscal cliff: let's just go ahead and let rich people do whatever they want because they'll...

John McCain Continues To Be A Bitter Old Idiot

You know who is so mad about the attack on the American consulate in Benghazi, and how Barack Obama sat around in the SitRoom, eating popcorn and demanding the CIA stand down and let our ambassador, Christopher Stevens, die...

Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him

Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove and Fox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the...

Barack Obama Will Punch Graham’s and McCain’s Lights Out Probably, He Is So Mad About Them Slagging Susan Rice

Earlier we brought you the BREAKING NEWS that Senator John McCain is a puckered old asshole, and also why he is full of poo. B. Barry Bamz responded to McCain's typical slurring of UN Ambassador Susan Rice in his...

A Shady Charity, Millions In Debt, And ‘Diplomatic Inviolability’: Tampa’s Good-Time Kelley Sisters Are Perfect Republicans

It's completely not fair that we in the media have now turned our considerable interest on the Kelley sistren. All they did was either get some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, or be related to someone...

A Children’s Treasury of Random Wingnut Post-Election Butthurt (Part Douche)

As we have already pretty much established, America is Over Now, so all that's left is just sitting around and waiting for the last few remaining embers of Freedom to burn out. If we're really lucky, the Ancient Mayans...

Obama Tried To Call Mitch McConnell And John Boehner On Election Night, But They Lied That They Were Sleeping

Why does that dastardly Nobumer keep refusing to work with Republicans, except for all those times he tried to pass Cap & Trade (a Republican idea) and Obamacare (a Republican idea) and all those other times too? Like, he...

Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us

Oh boy, we have now reached our favorite part of the election cycle: the end! It's great because (a) the stressful part is over and (b) all the low-level staffers for both campaigns start telling secrets to the...

Nice Lady Goes On Epic 23-Minute Potty Rant Because Her Friends Didn’t Share Her Romney Posts On Facebook

The fact that shellymicAB's Youtube rant is unembeddable is a crime against Wonkette. But for those of you who have been begging us to repeat our billion-post Tuesday schedule so as to keep schadening your Freude (unaware that we...

A Children’s Treasury Of Job Applications For Defeated GOP Wingnuts

Oh, yeah, sure, say Obama "saved the economy" or whatever, and maybe unemployment is "on the way down," by and large, if you're into numbers or blah blah blah, but listen up, little Cleverpants you, because there are people...

NJ Sen. Bob Menendez Proves Old Truism: Dude, Pay Your Hookers

New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez, repeat after us: Pay your hookers. Pay your hookers. PAY YOUR GODDAMN HOOKERS. Maybe you thought $100 was enough for working gals in the Dominican Republic. If that is so, you should have told...