UPDATE: Really, a guy with his business covered by a big old towel is “not safe for work” now? WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA, etc., but if a nation’s few remaining employed people can’t practice their love on a front-page semi-nekkid Levi Johnston, we will hide the snausage after the jump. NOW BACK TO THE POST: Sarah Palin’s favorite “porn thing” website, Playgirl.com, keeps leaking these pictures of Levi Johnston, teen sex model. Why did Sarah Palin let a known gay-pornography star take the towel off his ding-dong and stick said ding-dong into Sarah Palin’s daughter? This is the biggest political story of all time, forever. MORE »

Death, it has been omnipresent this annum. Most humans have expired. This datum is known by Mme. Peggington Noonington, a prosemonger famous to children, and regal oligarch wordsmith for the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet. Peggington did not faceth the Grim Reaper this year. For someone who was born in 1820’s London, in the actual Buckingham Palace, this is rare. It is rare for a human to survive into her ninth score. We know this, we feel this. Peggington: cognizant of this. Now it is Thanks-Giving time. Her Thanks are simple. Puritan. Nay. Catholic. Ahh, Catholicism. To be alive, imbibing the firewater of Bean Extract, moving one’s digits swiftly across the input buttons of a Robot: “I am grateful for a great deal, especially: I’m here. I’m drinking coffee as I write, and the sun is so bright, I had to close the blinds to keep the glare from the computer.” MORE »

Georgia slaveowner Sen. Saxby Chambliss recently participated in this thing from National Geographic, which “invited all 100 U.S. Senators to draw a map of their home state from memory and to label at least three important places.” Most of the participating Senators sketched their states admirably. Chambliss, meanwhile, drew Mississippi, but with more saw teeth on the borders (to keep the Africans out) and a rectangle called “mountains.” This is truly catastrophic. [National Geographic]

Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople elitist Democrats and their drunken wives and rent boys adult children wreak havoc on the icy semen-slick suburban gentrified urban streets.” MORE »

Anyone else feel sick to your stomach? We’re going to get this over with, and then blow up the blog. [UPDATE: It's over! The liveblog is completely incoherent, as usual. Pareene also liveblogged it at Gawker. We both quoted Andrew Sullivan at 4:39!] MORE »

Oh ho ho! When Charlie Crist sends one of these to you — the fraudster Scott Rothstein in this case, ROWR — then you know he wants a “meeting in the governor’s office.” “Without pants.” “Because of gayness.” [TPM]

A top secret super secret Wonkette operative has sent us photos of pages 379 and 380 from Going Rogue! Here is the part where Piper Palin kidnaps every liberal reporter in America on her boat and feeds them to the ancient Ice Goblin who lives five nauts upstream. What else is on these two particular pages of bullshit… meh.

Friday’s biggest political news item… is something else besides this: snow-topped O-bot Greg Craig has stepped down as White House counsel, following in the footsteps of such previous Great Recent White House Counsels as Alberto Gonzales and Harriet Miers. There has been speculation for months that he might do this. “Everyone” blamed him for bungling the now-delayed Guantanamo closing, because he didn’t prep the dandies in Congress with the steps such an action would require, and they resorted to NIMBYism, which was somehow Greg Craig’s problem. But maybe it was something else? Craig has not given an official reason. Fortunately, Congress’ #1 asshole, Rep. Steve King, has provided one for him: Obama wanted to bring in some ACORN goon instead. MORE »

CBS has released two (2) short clips from Sarah Palin’s taped interview with Oprah, set to air this Monday. They are both terribly boring, and you can watch them after the jump! “I want to bone Levi Johnston at Thanksgiving,” is what Sarah Palin tells Oprah. MORE »

We did not realize that Christmas time is in T-minus right now seconds! But it’s true: Last night your Wonkette saw the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree on a flatbed truck headed south on Amsterdam Avenue. How much more seasonal and magical would the tree have been decked out in kitschy, moose silhouette-covered misanthropy-inducing schlock? So much better! Like birth of Christ better. Take note tree decorators, for here are some suggested ornaments we found hidden in the dark recesses of the Internet. MORE »

Blake Hall, National Committeeman of the Idaho Republican Party, is now down one (1) National Committeemanship of the Idaho Republican Party and nineteen (19) used condoms. See, ten different times—like, on ten different days—Hall flung his lurid semen-filled condoms on his ex-girlfriend’s lawn, whom he stalked and stalked and stalked for like half a year. Quoth the poor lady whose lawn was unwillingly re-purposed for the flourishing cum crop: “I was so tired of being victimized. It is unimaginable that a 56-year-old would be so deviant.” MORE »