A Children’s Treasury Of Earnest Sarah Palin Christmas Tree Ornaments
Thursday, November 12th, 2009
We did not realize that Christmas time is in T-minus right now seconds! But it’s true: Last night your Wonkette saw the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree on a flatbed truck headed south on Amsterdam Avenue. How much more seasonal and magical would the tree have been decked out in kitschy, moose silhouette-covered misanthropy-inducing schlock? So much better! Like birth of Christ better. Take note tree decorators, for here are some suggested ornaments we found hidden in the dark recesses of the Internet. MORE »
Blake Hall, National Committeeman of the Idaho Republican Party, is now down one (1) National Committeemanship of the Idaho Republican Party and nineteen (19) used condoms. See, ten different times—like, on ten different days—Hall flung his lurid semen-filled condoms on his ex-girlfriend’s lawn, whom he stalked and stalked and stalked for like half a year. Quoth the poor lady whose lawn was unwillingly re-purposed for the flourishing cum crop: “I was so tired of being victimized. It is unimaginable that a 56-year-old would be so deviant.” 
Oh, some bill passed. A resolution to honor the… let’s see… oh wait jesus they passed a HEALTH CARE REFORM BILL? This will have some sort of effect on the 2010 elections, the pundits are saying. Wow. Give it up to Nancy Pelosi with the whippage, you guys. She’s passed two enormous, signature bills (this and energy) with a caucus that includes two polar opposite blocs, either of which could kill a bill if it wanted to, and both of which are constantly threatening to do that exact thing. And now health care, like energy, will go to the Senate and somehow emerge as a cap gains tax cut. Hooray! [
Wonkette motorist operative “Marcus” sent us this telephone picture of the rather uncouth car he was stuck behind yesterday, during the Super Bowl of Retardation. This fellow hates Obama so much that he — and we’re presuming “he,” because how unladylike! — chose to attach a massive cut-out of a donkey shitting Obama’s head on his rear windshield, at the expense of his visibility. Another sticker reads, “King’s Dream is a Nightmare.” Oh that silly Martin Luther King Jr., always ripe for a joke. After the jump, another wacky leftover operative photo, from a Hill office. 
Hooray, America is free! Unless Steny Hoyer memorized the House health care bill verbatim — AS WAS YOUR JOB STENY — and can transcribe it by votin’ time Saturday night, Pelosi’s AbortionCare is gone forever, strewn about on the floor outside her office. Independent and moderate voters must be so impressed with the Republican leaders’ professionalism today. [
Here is a photograph of New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine’s greatest accomplishment in the last four years, when he crashed his car. Between his two runs, Jon Corzine has spent approximately $700 million of his own money trying to win one of the least desirable jobs in politics: the guy who has to raise taxes on a populace of constipated slobs who can’t even pump their own gas, by law. Will he luck out and lose tonight to the very fat Chris Christie? The television will tell us. 
That’s Jefferson Davis, in the picture! Nearly 150 years ago, Jefferson Davis moved to Richmond, Virginia to become the first president of a new country where slaves could still pick the cotton, and indigo. Davis’ run came to an end eight years ago, when Democrat Mark Warner stole Davis’ Richmond mansion and all of its slaves. Democrat Tim Kaine did the same to Mark Warner four years later. But now it is Republican Bob McDonnell’s turn to take the mansion and slaves back from the liberals, the end. Polls close in a few minutes! Wolf Blitzer says he is “so excited,” oh ho ho… 
Oh look, we’ve finally written “this post.” Thank you to all of the operatives who sent in sexy pictures of their vulgar pagan bacchanalia dress. Our favorite would have to be this one from “J.R.’s friend Ross,” dressing up as ol’ orange tar-lungs, John Boehner. MILLIONS MORE, below. 
We’ve read these 
Unless you are “really into Jesus,” you will be celebrating the annual pagan bacchanal Hell-o-ween in just three days! We hear that “Mother-daugher slutty nurse combo paxxx” have been selling out at all drug stores nationwide, so what should you wear instead? How about a “political costume,” since you all love politics so much. You can be a famous politician like Joe Lieberman (with a knife in the back of the skull, for a nice touch?), or you can go as a concept, like, “Death Panels.” (Or just dress as nothing and watch teevee all night, who gives a shit?) But if you do have a “political costume” this year, please send us your sexy photos through the rest of the week, and we will convert them into easy posts and give you “iPhones.” TIPS@WONKETTE.COM.