By the Comics Curmudgeon
Hey, kids, remember your civics class, where you learned that there are other parts of the government that aren’t currently controlled by Muslims? There’s the so-called “Supreme Court,” which everyone ignores most of the time right up until they legalize gayness; but then there’s this other thing, whaddya call it, Congress, and there’s like dozens and dozens of those jackholes, so even though they aren’t “worse” than President Antichrist on an individual level, there are more of them, so it kind of balances out! Anyway, one half of Congress just passed some crazy-ass law last week. How did they manage to do this? Simple: DEVIL MAGIC. MORE »

• If you were hoping to buy or rent a bunch of abortions and charge them care of whatever new health care bill ends up passing, this will not be possible! [New York Times]
• China is very upset with the Dalai Lama for going to some Himalayan town that is not technically a part of China but is so close it’s probably at least entertaining the notion. [Washington Post]
• It’s probable that Nidal Malik Hasan acted alone at Ft. Hood. Oh plus President Barack Obama, but other than that, alone, yes. [Wall Street Journal]
• So guess now’s as good a time as any to take a look at mental health policy and practices in the military. [Los Angeles Times]
• Even though Tony Blair will never admit it, he still wants to be the president of the EU. [Times Online]
• Hurricane Ida is the first hurricane to hit America this year. It struck parts of Mississippi, Florida, and New Orleans. All three still exist.  [AP]

• Your 2009 World Series will feature the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies, two popular Northeast athletics organizations. USA! [New York Times]
• Baghdad had another suicide bombing: 132 people died, which is the most all at once since 2007. [Washington Post]
• The new new new health care bill will be submitted to the CBO as early as right now, or possibly even earlier this morning! [WSJ]
• “Tony Blair” is a name that’s being thrown about to be the new president of the EU. Michael Sheen is already prepared for this. [Times Online]
• College’s favorite singer, Morrissey, is A-OK after his collapse on a stage in London sometime a couple days ago. [CNN]
• Wall Street money financial fatcats would like to maintain their huge bonus system, duh and thank you. [Reuters]

• Bitter Mike Huckabee thinks that Palin was selected over him as McCain’s doomed vice president girlfriend because she “looks better in stilettos.” [New Yorker]
• Looks like the impossibly named Saxby Chambliss is only two points ahead of Jim Martin. [HuffPost]
• Sloppily conceived parody Ted Haggard is back! And it feels so good to be mounting the pulpit again. [Yahoo News]
• Noted racist Virgil Goode has officially lost to Tom Periello in Virginia. Goode is now seeking a recount. [Daily Kos]
• The NSA listened in on Tony Blair’s British phone calls to the former President of Iraq, all of which were conducted here. [TPMMuckraker]
• BONUS LINK: Here is Wonkette Associate Editor Sara K. Smith — sans “K” — discussing last week’s news of the good, bad and nonexistent varieties. [Weekend America]

Former British Prime Minister and newly minted Catholic Tony Blair is secretly hot for John McCain, and now we have a single innocuous-sounding out-of-context quote to prove it! In an interview with the Times Online, he suggested that he prefers American politicians who embrace free trade — which might have meant Hillary Clinton if her most famous free-trade advocate hadn’t just stepped down. So instead Tony will have to settle for John McCain, for whom he is, as we said, secretly hot. MORE »

U.S. President George W. Bush has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for “fighting terrorism and promoting world peace,” according to a BBC News report. Bush has successfully promoted peace and democracy in many terrorist nations, including Iraq and Afghanistan, while making Americans safer and more prosperous at home. MORE »

New-age “Cool Britannia” third-way bullshitter Tony Blair didn’t get his dream job (Pope of the UN/EU) so he’s taken the next best thing: a lecturing gig at Yale! Tony has always loved the Ivy League types, and it didn’t really matter whether Bill Clinton or George W. Bush were in the White House — they went to Yale, so he loved them like brothers. MORE »

Best British Prime Minister ever Tony Blair resigned today, leaving Number 10 Downing Street as the single most beloved Briton the world has known since charming, irascible drunk Arthur. MORE »

The President and the Prime Minister will reportedly put on PJs, make popcorn, rent Crossroads, and weep softly into each other’s arms at the terrible messes they’ve both made of their unprecedented chances at greatness. MORE »

After 10 weird and ultimately pathetic years, UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is stepping down. Like his role model, Mick Jagger, Blair is the ultimate sellout and opportunist. He never even cared about which party he might join — only that he would somehow become prime minister. This explains how he was Bill Clinton’s “Third Way” BFF until George W. Bush squirmed into the White House, at which point Blair immediately turned into dingbat neocon.

Let’s give Tony a nice big “Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish,” after the jump.

MORE »

* Rahm Emmanuel wants Democrats to keep hangin’ tough, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hangin’ tough. [Election Central]
* John Warner is definitely retiring - all hail the return of Macaca! [MyDD]
* Pat Leahy calls “Nixon” on missing RNC emails. [C&L]
* Everywhere Bush goes, documents just disappear. [Salon]
* Hillary’s rap money tainted by Imus. [The Hillary Project]
* Tony Blair is mad racist, son. [Guardian]
* How biz-czar. [HuffPo]