Tag Archives: tommy thompson

  Rumble in Sconnie Nation!

Midwest Madness: Your Wisconsin Senate Debate Liveblog!

Welcome to all of the Wonkers with nothing else to do on a Friday night! Whether you’re here because you have small children, or because you are a shut-in, or because you haven’t yet figured out how to reprogram your court-ordered ankle bracelet, we bid you welcome! Tonight’s debate features a titanic political standoff between two candidates that we know virtual NOTHING about, but thankfully, that is no longer a deterrent to being a pundit or even a candidate in our modern Republic! It’s like some wonderful fantasy story, come to life! The candidates are Republican Tommy Thomson, a former 4-term Wisconsin Governor, Secretary of Health and Human Services, and member of the British New Wave pop group “The Thompson Twins” (Or he may have been a detective with a funny mustache, we forget), and Democrat Tammy Baldwin, the current U.S. Representative for Wisconsin’s 2nd district, who has not been in a pop band OR a comic book, but could conceivably have been related to the Baldwin brothers of acting fame. She is also, according to our exhaustive, in-depth research, the first openly gay non-incumbent elected to the House of Representatives. [citation needed] Read more on Midwest Madness: Your Wisconsin Senate Debate Liveblog!…
  it's morning in america

Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’

Ten years ago, the Culture of Life was going strong. How do we know this? Arnold Schwarzenegger got one of his maids pregnant a decade ago, and she went through with it, having the kid and pretending her husband was the father. Yay! We’re so happy for that maid! Wasn’t it great that she Chose Life? She will now get to team up with Bristol Palin (assuming she’s not one of those Messicans and can speak English or whatever it is those Palins communicate in) and parade the kid across the country as it TERMINATES teen abortion with all the strength of a grandchild of a Nazi. None of those Kennedy broads-on-the-side ever had a baby, right? That’s how you know Arnold is a Republican. And all of this is why his wife left him. [LAT] Read more on Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’… Read more on Proto-Bristol Palin: Schwarzenegger Fathered Kid With ‘the Help’…
  would be nice if they had senate votes

Various Somewhat-Republican People With No Congressional Power Endorse NobamaKare!

Dare we call this a ROLL-OUT? MMHMM. After only eight months, and with health care reform shockingly enough moving forward and almost (almost!) out of committee, a few random Republicans and ex-Republicans and pretend Republican movie stars have decided, “We like this thing, the Obama health care reform, and we don’t care who knows!” (Well, Bill Frist does kind of care who knows, which is why he’s walking his support back. Whoopsy Doctor Bill!) Read more on Various Somewhat-Republican People With No Congressional Power Endorse NobamaKare!…
 

This week, Tommy Thompson, Tim Russert, Dennis Kucinich, George Stephanopoulus, Anthony Kennedy, Jeff Daniels, Ariana Huffington, and Ben Bernanke were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on …
 

Tommy Thompson Is Not Forgotten

If we knew he would make us savory quiche all fixed up with Wisconsin cheddar and nutritious broccoli, perhaps we would’ve taken Tommy Thompson’s candidacy a little more seriously. But we didn’t, and now he’s out of the race, and the nation will never know what it missed. The Honorable Tommy Thompson Specialty Recipe [Virtual Cities] Read more on Tommy Thompson Is Not Forgotten…
 

Tommy Thompson Reminds America That He Is Running For President

This morning we heard Tommy Thompson was going to make an announcement of some kind at 3 p.m., but there wasn’t anything online, and then we got distracted by owls or something. Anyway, he announced something, but not what you’d imagine (“I give up”). Here, just read the entire article: Read more on Tommy Thompson Reminds America That He Is Running For President…
 

Republicans Promise to Keep Bush Active in His Retirement Years

How, exactly, would our Republican candidates use soon-to-be-former president Bush in their terrifying post-apocalyptic administrations? * Tommy Thompson would… send Bush on a lecture series, utilizing a little-known constitutional provision allowing presidents to force private citizens to parade themselves before the populace for the edification and amusement of the public. This archaic provision has not been used by any sitting president since Teddy Roosevelt forced Eugene Debs to sit in the “Shoot the Freak” booth at Coney Island. * Sam Brownback would make Bush ambassador to overseas disasters. He has an under-appreciated sense of poetic justice. * Tom Tancredo would tell him to go fuck himself, because Karl Rove was mean to him four years ago. Read more on Republicans Promise to Keep Bush Active in His Retirement Years…
 

North Dakota Opts Out of Future Dystopia

Two things you can say about North Dakota – it’s cold and it’s a haven from the coming robot apocalypse. North Dakota made it illegal to force people to insert microchips into their bodies. Read more on North Dakota Opts Out of Future Dystopia…
 

2008: Year of the Kucinich Revolution

The unstoppable freight train that is the Dennis Kucinich campaign continues to roll on to victory. The first-quarter fundraising reports are in, and here’s something your liberal media doesn’t want you to know: Dennis is on top!* Just take a look at this barely altered Washington Post graphic. Read more on 2008: Year of the Kucinich Revolution…
 

Rumors On The Internets: Human Services

* Tommy Thompson took pages from the Bill Clinton and Bernie Kerik playbooks when he was spewing his seed all over Wisconsin. Pandagon] * Democrats will “sanction” a series of debates that will not be fair and balanced. [Democrats.org, Election Central] * Obama’s pile of money is like a beacon in the night, calling Al Gore into the race. [Political Insider] * In tomorrow’s TIME “shocker,” Joe Klein will call for Bush to be impeached. [E&P] * Air Force test pilots hot-box their new hot-rods. [Danger Room] * McCain should get out of the race while he has a clusterfuck in Iraq to blame it on. [CQ Politics] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: Human Services…
 

Other Thompson Also Running For President

Former Wisconsin Governor and HHS Secretary Tommy Thompson is running for president! He announced it yesterday, and even though the guy already filed his papers indicating his intention to run last December, he managed to scam a few minutes of coverage yesterday. Read more on Other Thompson Also Running For President…
 

Daily Briefing: Delivery Of The Sphere

* Democrats going to the mat with White House over “encroachments on privacy and civil liberties.” [WP, WSJ] * Hillary Clinton is the undisputed world heavy weight champion of getting paid. [WP, NYT, LAT] * Al-Qaida just as good as new. [NYT] * Hopefully Tommy Thompson is in Iowa for his health. [WP, NYT] * Recording interviews with suspects is a “non-starter” with the FBI. Illegal use of surveillance and bungling of cases still fine, obv. [NYT] * Nevada governor Jim Gibbons is “a fast-motion train wreck.” [WP] * President Bush will not be throwing out the first pitch at the Nationals home opener this afternoon as both the team and the White House worry about being associated with such a loser. [WP] Read more on Daily Briefing: Delivery Of The Sphere…
 

GOP Readies Unstoppable Thompson-Thompson Ticket For 2008

Surprisingly, Many Republicans seem almost as contemptuous of WALNUTS!, Cousin-Marryin’ Ratface, and Special Underwear Mitt as we are. That’s why they’re casting around for a new champion. And what better place for the party opposed to Hollywood values to look than the entertainment industry? Fred Thompson used to be a movie actor, then was a Senator from Tennessee, then got a job as the D.A. on Law and Order. Because his show is required by law to be on at least five channels at any given time, everyone in America knows who he is; and because he’s a pretend prosecuting attorney instead of a pretend defense attorney, he’s obviously tough on crime. Thus, he’s a shoe-in, and is seriously considering running. Read more on GOP Readies Unstoppable Thompson-Thompson Ticket For 2008…
 

Tommy Thompson Fever: Catch It!

Former guy-we-barely-remember Tommy “Tommy Gun” Thompson is running for president! He filed his papers today, as you can see by this grainy faxed image. A Wonkette operative says, “For the ‘who cares’ file. Still time to get that ‘ThompsonForPresident’ domain name!” Read more on Tommy Thompson Fever: Catch It!…