* Heard on the Hill: Mary Landrieu said: “I often think we would have been better off if the terrorists had blown up our levees. Maybe we’d have gotten more attention.” Also trashed Mississippi… House GOP Flacks arrive at weekly meeting to find Cannon Caucus room double-booked. They were forced to move chairs themselves. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Former State Sec George Shultz sports a suit pinstriped with his goddamn name. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Fun scene from Terry McAuliffe’s new book about his daughter playing “mermaid” in a pool with Hillary Clinton… Name expert on ‘08 contenders: Brownback “sounds like a good ‘ol Western boy,” “Mitt is a very ugly name,” “I love Vilsack because it’s foreign.” Karl Rove went to Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Norm Coleman shows up for a vote, forgets tie. This is apparently a violation of Senate rules. Someone brought him a tie, though, so we can’t kick him out. Also the MN Democratic party lied about him “blocking” the minimum wage bill… Bono kept a “low profile” when he was here last. Despite this we still have to hear about it. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: At last week’s National Review Institute’s Conservative Summit, you missed everyone passing around a doctored version of Rita Cosby’s business card with “For a good time, call…” printed on it… “Sen. Jeff Sessions, R-Ala., was spotted walking out the back door of that lobbyist mecca, Capital Grille.” [Politico]
* Page Six: JFK and Robert Stack will get you laid! [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Republicans hate Rudy. [NYDN]

Iowa guv Tom “The Sack” Vilsack stunned the nation with his incredibly creepy Orwellian campaign propaganda, but then he pretty much vanished.

Does anyone actually believe Vilsack has a chance in hell of even winning the Iowa caucus, let alone the nomination? Yes, and his name is Hugo Chavez.

Thanks to “Phil” for the picture.

Let’s hope all 2008 campaign advertising is as creepy as this unofficial Obama For President poster. MORE »

* Reliable Source: The RS column is 15 years old… Lloyd Grove is unemployed, spends all of his time drinking gin and watching Judge Judy. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: John Kerry is the illegitimate son of Cookie Monster. Also, clearly high… Dan Berger: A lobbyist who paints! [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: Hillary Clinton voted most Reagan-esque in poll. This, bizarrely, is a positive… Bill Clinton skipping Davos World Economic Forum to write book… Susan Collins gave Joe Lieberman a chocolate gavel, “Choo-choo choose you” valentine… Tom Vilsack doesn’t have time to read, skims first sentence of each paragraph, every other page. [USN&WR]
* Page Six: Al Gore sits on the board of Apple, who hate trees and the environment and shit. [NYP]

Tom Vilsack remains the only 2008 candidate openly displaying his megalomaniacal intentions, but we’ve become a little less terrified of him after seeing this picture, from someone or other’s Myspace page. MORE »

According to an unimpeachable source — trivia printed on the wrapper of some little swiss-cheese things we just ate — there has never been an “only child” U.S. president. This seems like a good way to weed out candidates right now and save everybody a lot of time and trouble.

Are there any Only Children running or probably running in 2008? We investigate, after the jump.

MORE »

Yesterday, we celebrated the presidential candidacy of elaborate po-mo hoax Tom Vilsack with a montage of weird, evil shit his logo looks like. We missed one! The “English Socialist” ideology from 1984!


Finally, a candidate who promises upfront to enslave us all! MORE »

Tom Vilsack, thought to be the only man in America brave enough to run for President, is, in fact, an Andy Kaufman-esque post-modern prankster, if his delightfully half-finished website is any indication. The former Iowa governor and John Goodman lookalike could not be reached for comment, because he is an elaborate trick involving mirrors and prosthetics. MORE »

* Iraq Study Group to recommend removal of virtually all combat troops by early 2008, if circumstances permit, everyone feels like it, etc. President Bush denies. [WP, NYT]
* Ken Mehlman addresses Republican Governors Annual Meeting/cry-fest, tells them to get busy getting more conservative and come up with some new policy ideas. [WP]
* Never-been-a-Governor John McCain was there too, stealing Mitt Romney’s ‘08 thunder and plying the guv’nahs with booze. [NYT]
* Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack is the first to actually declare for 2008. [WP, NYT]
* But it’s no biggie as Democratic candidates for 2008 are beginning to appear in droves. [WSJ]
* National Institute of Standards and Technology says paperless electronic voting machines, “cannot be made secure.” [WP]
* White House considers abandoning outreach programs to Iraqi Sunnis, which basically everyone else thinks is a terrible idea. [WP]
* TSA to begin using x-ray photo machines that have been called “a virtual strip search.” [USAT]
* Does CSI imitate Russian assassins or do they imitate it? [USAT]

Tom Vilsack (Pete Vilsack? Ted? We’re pretty sure it’s one syllable) announced his candidacy for President today. Wow! This is big news, even though he already did it a couple weeks ago. And Joe Biden did too, about three times, but no one gives a shit about Joe Biden. Anyway, Vilsack has signs now, so he’s legit. Also, a theme song:

Just after 10 o’clcok [sic] Thursday morning, Vilsack and his family entered a Mount Pleasant gymnasium as the local high school band played a song titled “The Final Countdown,” by Europe.

They left out the part where he entered the gym on a Segway, but other than that, good color.

Also, Vilsack’s got a bitchin’ logo — and it looks like other things (copyright SPY MAGAZINE). Check it out, after the jump!

Vilsack vows to bring “bold change” if elected president [RadioIowa]

MORE »

Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi somehow filled a whole column with a fictional bum trying to get Tom Vilsack a mention in a fictional Wonkette.com that is somehow important to the 2008 primary race.

“Dammit!” I said. “Okay, out of curiosity, what do you need the six dollars for?”

“I figured I’d take a cab across town and try to get a mention in Wonkette,” he said plaintively. “Do you think you can help me get into Wonkette?”

I answered without thinking. “You’re asking the wrong person. I don’t have any traction with Wonkette.”

Sure, real Wonkette did a long boring post about Vilsack’s boring career the very morning he announced he was running for president, but you people have to understand it’s Thanksgiving Eve and Washington is empty of political life and nothing is happening and we’re going to use absolutely any tip that anybody sends us. MORE »