Wonkette

Dear friendly Colorado District Six voters,

Your district is a very red district, which would explain why you have elected Tom Tancredo five times. If anything can explain that! Well, we’d like to offer clemency for your egregious damage to the current state of American politics: Elect a Mexican to take the resigning Tancredo’s open seat in the 2008 election. Need we spell it out? This will mean a Mexican takes Tom Tancredo’s job. Please send us progress reports, as we will be checking in regularly.

kthxbai,
Wonkette

This is Brenda Paz. She was 17 years old when MS-13 brutally murdered her in Virginia for agreeing to testify against the gang in a federal capital murder case. You probably don’t recognize her, which is fine, unless you watched really closely at about second 16 in that repulsive Tancredo ad when they showed this exact picture of her (courtesy of the Shenandoah Police Department) while the scary-voiced narrator says “pushing drugs, raping kids, destroying lives” about illegal immigrants. The fact that they used this picture of Brenda is not only sorta sick, since I know they didn’t have her family’s permission, but also rich with irony because Brenda was probably not a legal immigrant herself.

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Tom Tancredo’s new ad, “Consequences,” is the most ignorant, demagogic, racist, poorly produced and effing hysterical 30-seconds of campaign footage ever. This is really happening! This man is allowed to participate in nationally televised debates! And the Congress thing too! [YouTube]

We didn’t cover the looooooong John McCain profile in November’s GQ precisely because it was long. Eleven Internet pages of Walnuts! Pass. Fortunately a tipster found a funny excerpt involving Tom Tancredo and some nachos and copy-pasted it to us. MORE »

Republican presidential candidate Tom Tancredo’s new ad ups the ante for him — and this is for a guy who said we should bomb Muslim holy places. Every single word in this ad is funny, and it’s read by some really, really old-sounding guy. DON’T EVER DROP OUT, TOM! WE NEED MORE!

Tancredo… before it’s too late [YouTube]

Excitable GOP troll Tom Tancredo says he won’t run for re-election because he’s too busy being angry about Mexicans, even though his presidential campaign continues to inspire nobody, not even the angry hordes of AM talk-radio listeners who should be supporting him. Tancredo, currently running near the bottom of the dozen or so Republican candidates (but probably over Ron Paul), made the announcement after some baseball game last night. MORE »

Although Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo is totally a shoe-in to become the next president, the nativist speedaholic is selflessly willing to put it all on the line with a World Series bet against Soxy colleague Mitt Romney. A spokesman for the Tancredo campaign (probably his dog or something) called ABC News this morning with a wager for Mitt Romney: If the Rockies lose the World Series then Tancredo will drop out, if the Red Sox lose then Romney will. It’s a charitable offer to Romney, whose pathetic campaigning has only landed him in first place in both Iowa and New Hampshire polls. The fool can’t recognize a good opportunity when it hits him square in the magic pajamas, and his campaign has rejected the offer. A deflated Tom Tancredo will resume betting on cockfights in the Mexico City underworld. MORE »

Online betting site Bodog has been keeping odds on the 2008 presidential election and, according to them, have included Stephen Colbert since the outset. And now that Stephen Colbert has announced he will run in South Carolina — the details of which are still nebulous — the Bodog people have bumped his odds in “Who Will Win the 2008 Presidential Elections” from 800/1 to 600/1. Huzz…ah? How is he in 20th place still, behind the likes of Ralph Nader (125/1) and Duncan Hunter (100/1)? How was he behind someone named Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey (700/1) until yesterday, and how do the rest of us remain behind him? Who the fuck is Hillary Clinton (3/2)?

Oh and haha, Tom Tancredo and Mike Gravel have no odds whatsoever.

Odds On: Who will win the 2008 Presidential Election? [Bodog]
Photo via GQ

Look what you’re missing on the Tucker Carlson Show! Not much, to be sure, but we need to keep up with the Conservative Media Personalities to see what they know about Cheney’s new “moon base” which is being installed by Halliburton to goad the Space Monsters into a war so we can take all the natural resources from the gas giant Bespin. The ex-Canadian assistant space police guy under Pierre Trudeau is saying this, so it’s probably pretty much true. Also, Tucker supports bombing innocent E.T. babies with depleted plutonium, and he has patriotically assaulted many older gay aliens in the Mos Eisley cantina.

Bush Plans Defence Stance Against Aliens [YouTube]

According to this charming pre-school window display at Tom Tancredo’s campaign office in Council Bluffs, the Illegal Mexicans have raped 17,576 white children since 9/11, which is possibly the most ridiculous combination of fear-mongering statistics we’ve ever seen. In other words, Tom Tancredo will probably be our next president. MORE »

Tomas “The Tanc Engine” Tancredo is taking Iowa by storm as hicks across our nation’s second-boringest state thrill to his message of banning brown people once and for all. To help drum up the natives even more, “Tanc and Tonic” is holding an ol’ fashioned child exploitation contest. MORE »

* Tom Tancredo will use the Internet to embarrass us, himself. [Election Central]
* Blah Blah Michael Moore blah blah traitor. [Pandagon]
* John McCain trims his campaign staff but stops short of firing himself. [Political Wire]
* Looks like we’re having another bullhorn moment. [Liberal Avenger]
* What kind of world is it when even Hamas has to be politically correct? [Passport]
* The fact that things are fucked up has nothing to do with the fact that complete fucking idiots were running Congress for 12 years. [Redstate]

Someone emailed us a link to this entry at the official Tancredo blog about Tom’s visit to the Des Moines gun show, presumably so that we could do a funny little post with a goofy picture of him handling firearms and scare our pussy liberal readers. But we got distracted. MORE »

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