Wonkette

Everyone’s favorite racist presidential candidate from Colorado, Rep. Tom Tancredo, is responding to the Pope’s Tour d’America by… well how is he responding? Let’s do the math: Tom Tancredo’s only issue is illegal Mexicans; illegal Mexicans are Catholic; Catholics perform Pope’s bidding… The Pope’s bidding is telling the Mexicans to enter the United States. Tom Tancredo hates the Pope! [Denver Post]

We cannot write a better introduction than this: “A town in South America is living in fear after several sightings of a ‘creepy gnome’ that locals claim stalks the streets at night. The midget — which wears a pointy hat and has a distinctive sideways walk — was caught on video last week by a terrified group of youngsters.” This sidling wicket goblin, who is terrorizing Argentinian Mexicans, made one teenager “so scared after seeing that thing that we had to take him to the hospital.”

Hmm… a hobbit gnome terrorizing illegals? This is no mystery at all. MORE »

Thanks to the Young Turks for making the video that will heal America: a retrospective of our dearly departed Republican candidates. God, these guys were fun. Fortunately, Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney will probably run again in four or eight years, and those candidacies will probably launch in a few months. In the meantime, vote in our poll for which monster you miss the most. MORE »

Did you have a fun weekend? We sure didn’t, because Team Wonkette is way up in New Hampshire covering this most precious of our precious freedoms, the New Hampshire Primary Campaign! Wonkette’s Jim Newell and Liz Glover have already had so many Democratic and Republican adventures.

MORE »

So guess who Camp Romney sent last night to SPIN for him in the SPIN ZONE? Why former presidential candidate and current racist Tom Tancredo, that’s who! Although he claims that if he had some Messican in him, he would be happy about it. But then wouldn’t we have to deport him?

Putting to rest any remaining speculation that he is completely delusional about his place on the American political scene, Congressman Tom Tancredo dropped his bid for the Presidency, saying he realized he wasn’t going to win Iowa. He told Neil Cavuto “We accomplished everything we set out to do, except win the Presidency,” because he saw Giuliani running a border security commercial He’s throwing his “support” behind the illegal-immigrant employing, Mexican Mormon descended Mitt Romney. [CNN]

Updated after the jump with a video clip from his Cavuto interview, so you can cry along with the Minutemen who still don’t trust Huckabee to shoot enough Mexicans to make a difference. MORE »

The Federal Election Commission approved $19 million in matching funds for seven candidates today. Among notables, John Edwards received $8.8 million, and WALNUTS! got what we assume to be an extremely valuable $5.8 million. Huzzah. Most interesting, however, is that Dodd and Biden each received around $1 million, while Tom Tancredo — who is dropping out of the race today (presser at 3 p.m. ET!) — got $2.1 million. So a big wtf there, unless the FEC is playing a prank by giving him 2.1 million pesos instead. [Politico]

Republicans can’t really make up their minds about waterboarding, hiring illegal immigrants, or picking a decent frontrunner. They can, however, develop individual attachments to certain foodstuffs, many of which go on to define their characters in embarrassing (for our purposes) fashion. After the jump, we ask you, readers: Which Republican foodstuff will lace your Jesusy feast next week? And if you’re not Christian, well, you’ll have to eat gruel and fetuses with the Demrats. MORE »

• Hey California and other states that care about the environment: Fuck you! [NY Times]

• So instead of rebuilding the military to face “21st century threats” or whatever, how about we just like keep it the same as it’s been for 60 years? [NY Times]
• We can’t wait until voting starts so that maybe articles like this will actually have some information in them. [Washington Post]
• Tom Tancredo, you will live on in our hearts. [Washington Post]
• Obama don’t give a fuck about you. [Politico]
• Instead of trying not to losing the “women’s vote” the GOP should maybe focus on not losing “everybody’s vote”. Just saying. [The
  Hill]

Tancredo has announced a press conference for tomorrow in Des Moines to make a major campaign announcement. While rampant speculation is that he’ll end his underfunded Presidential campaign for eliminating brown people, we sorta wonder if he’s just being so cryptic so that people will just show up when he talks. [Politico]

• How do you become a nominee if you don’t actually compete in any primaries? Giuliani must be reading the Alan Keyes Guide to Winning Elections. [Wizbang Politics]

• Democrats didn’t fund a border fence, but they did send Tom Tancredo a hammer and a bunch of nails. [Think Progress]
• Wait, do you’re saying that teh gays don’t fuck dead children? [Election Central]
• Have $34m dollars to spend and penchant for gang rape? This yacht’s for you! [Fresh Intelligence]
• Gay conspiracy toddlers who are apparently in fifth grade. [WorldNet Daily]
• Both Republicans and Democrats in Iowa understand that the caucuses are the only things that matter about their state. [Swamp Politics]
  

In 9/11’s new ad, the former mayor of Sanctuary City, USA, is racist. That’s really all we have to say. Not like Tommy Tanks-racist, even slightly less racist thank Mitt “Sanctuary Lawn” Romney. Just usual racist.

Mike Huckabee added another star to his endorsement firmament by locking up Jim Gilchrist (and right out from under Tancredo’s trembling nose, too!). Jim is best (only) known for heading the Minuteman Project, which is a group of crazy anti-brown-people activists that sit in lawn chairs with binoculars watching the border and who would never, ever shoot any unarmed illegal immigrants even if they thought they could get away with it. Jim also warned that Congress providing “amnesty” to illegal immigrants might set off a (presumably armed) insurrection, which was totally not Montana militia-y at all. This is expected to help the Huck as he tries to prove that he hates brown people as much if not more than what all the candidates apparently believe is the average Republican primary voter. [NY Times]