It’s then that it hits me: Here I am playing an ancient Scottish game with metal sticks in Java while doodling giraffe penises on my Apple Blackberry Etch-a-Sketch function designed by brown-blacks in Eritrea and there are Mongolian goats in the background ordering garlic hummus at the Taco Bell/KFC where the hobbit employees are albino and French and robots and then the Kenyan-Hawaiian president of the Pan-American representative democracy is with me but he’s chasing Chinese rabbits across the New York Stock Exchange floor which is covered in Saharan turpentine — metaphorically, this is a metaphor — and I see God: it is called “the Yuan” or maybe “iPod.” Suck. On. This. [The Nation]

In the most shameful “gaffe” since Watergate, socialist prime minister Barack Obama’s press office has apparently put some crappy best-seller book on his vacation reading list even though he was supposedly reading the book last year. God, this guy. Why not just put him in jail now? MORE »

“Web pundits like Markos Moulitsas of the Daily Kos and Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo score high likability ratings with certain population segments, but their awareness numbers, which are more important than appeal, E-Poll notes, are barely on the radar screen. The same is largely true of elite newspaper columnists like Thomas Friedman, Maureen Dowd, Robert Novak, E.J. Dionne and Holman Jenkins.” [Forbes]

“I saw that Onion thing about Rudy running for president of 9/11, too, and once again I have been to China.” [New York Times]

* Robert Novak will let you call him “angel tits” if you just buy his book. [Political Wire]
* Real Christians know, “a Vote for Romney is a Vote for Satan.” [MoJo]
* Tom Friedman thinks Americans are too smart to listen to anything Lou Dobbs says. [Passport]
* John Murtha hates the war in Iraq, loves the war on drugs. [Hit & Run]
* John Edwards promises $400 haircuts for every American. [Captain's Quarters]
* Jim Lehrer senility check: He refuses to “assume the president of the U..S is lying.” Yup, lost it. [Romenesko]
* Dennis Kucinich will save the world if you’ll just say his fucking name right. [PrezVid]

* Barack Obama holds a secret meeting where his wife admits she’s just as turned on by power as every other political spouse on the planet. [Hotline on Call]
* “Official” blogger of the George Allen campaign dispenses advice on how to relate to bloggers during an election. Entirety of his comments entered into “do not do” section of campaign mangers’ brains. [Think Progress]
* Hillary Clinton continues taking little hush-hush baby steps towards a campaign EVERYONE KNOWS SHE’S RUNNING. [Hotline on Call]
* James Sensenbrenner’s streak of plans which backfire in his face to remain intact as DC gets voting representation. [Political Insider]
* Not Newt Gingrich, but economics wunderkind and Angelina Jolie safari partner Jeffery Sachs will be swept into the White House by popular demand. [Freakonomics]
* In Alaska, there ain’t much to do but take giant bong rips for Jesus, and screw. [Washington Wire]
* Something tells us the Mormon underwear jokes are going to be around for a while. [Rising Hegemon]
* Tom Friedman may be forced to lose the mustache in an attempt to hide from the mob that will be hunting the most ” morally bankrupt public intellectual burdening this country.” [Unclaimed Territory]

We were going to write a scathing intro about the importance of Wonk’d and our deep sadness at the paltry sightings we’ve been getting lately, until someone sent a nice juicy George Bush tip this morning. So there’s that, plus a haggard Ken Mehlman, an indiscreet Harriet Miers, a myopic (in more ways than one) Tom Friedman, Mr. Mayor-for-Life, and your favorite “member” of Congress, below the fold.

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• On DC’s new curfew: “It’s not that city officials want to play parent to every kid in the district. It’s just that, gosh, turns out law enforcement professionals are better parents .” [Hit&Run]
• America is bad at jobs. [Eschaton]
• “The chorus calling for Syrian involvement in crafting a Lebanon ceasefire solution now includes Richard Armitage, Warren Christopher, and Mr. Flat World himself, Tom Friedman. ” [Political Animal]
• Report from the Promise Keepers meeting — it was titled “Unleashed,” and involved clips from The Matrix. [Slice of Laodicea]

You came through again, everyone. This week’s sightings are all over both the map and the stratified Washington hierarchy. Helen Thomas apparently likes to eat with the kewl kids, even if she’s just gumming it. Kevin Nealon, Newt Gingrich, and Marion Barry pull some nice trim. Ted Koppelhas a death wish. Morgan Spurlock keeps trying to supersize his career and Tom Friedman’s mustache of wisdom has nothing to do with Napoleon.

A whole rack more, as standard, after the jump.

Please don’t forget that Wonk’d is entirely tipster driven. So when you spot someone famous out there, make a note in your PDA, ’cause you’ll have other hazy memories to sort through in the morning. Once you feel that reminder buzzing you, email us here, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of the celeb that you saw). Thanks!

And speaking of sights to see: YES, we are aware of the frightening photos of Katherine Harris “getting her cougar on” with a cute young college journalist. We will be blogging about them shortly.

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People seem to be having a good time these days. This week in Wonk’d brings us Judy Miller, savoring her freedom; Chief Justice John Roberts, taking in the cherry blossoms; and James Carville, enjoying a springtime run. Also spotted: Hillary Clinton, hopping into her pimped-out town car; Rep. James Sensenbrenner, buying a small fortune in lottery tickets; and Cynthia McKinney pal Danny Glover, asking for directions. You can check them out, along with several other celebrity sightings, after the jump.

Please continue to keep us well-stocked in sightings, via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of the spotted celeb). Thanks!

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* Reliable Source: Bush will divert Air Force One today to vote in the Texas primary. . . David Boies‘ wife chartered two planes to bring 50 of his best friends –including Tom Brokaw, Charlie Rose, Ted Olsen, Walter Isaacson, Tom Friedman, Ben Bradlee, Sally Quinn and Margaret Carlson– to Vegas for his surprise 65th birthday party. . . Alan Greenspan turned 80 yesterday; book advance could reach $8m. . . George Stephanopoulos gets manicures. . . Jenna Bush dined at the Capital Grille on Saturday. . . Rep. Ed Markey (D-Mass.) attended the Oscars. . . Martin Sheen seen praying at St. Stephen’s Church. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.) has cast 17,532 roll-call votes. [The Hill]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Katie Holmes‘ character in “Thank You for Smoking” was inspired by Maureen Dowd. [NYDN]