Wonkette

* Presidential hopefuls travel to Las Vegas this weekend to IM with voters. [Think Progress]
* If it costs $950 to have lunch with Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson, then it must cost at least two grand to not have lunch with them. [Charitybuzz]
* Movie-line jokes about Fred Thompson’s candidacy to wear thin rapidly. Laugh now. [Vodka Pundit]
* The Other 85 U.S. Attorneys keep truckin’ along in their partisan hackaday lives. [Robert Reich]
* Doing things like letting Jack Abramoff out of jail. [Guardian]
* Tom DeLay didn’t write or read his own book. [Political Wire]
* Bill O’Reilly’s hatred of NBC will be tested. [Intoxination]
* Why is James Inhofe such a dick? [Firedoglake]

* Heard on the Hill: Al Gore: Sinister agent of the Queen of England? … House members outraged over changes to taco salad procedure … Orrin Hatch uses obscure loophole in Mormon doctrine to say “shit” and get away with it. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Bill and Hill drive across the street, gladhand Ellie Smeal, get a table before she does. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Clintons too cheap to feed their followers … People keep buying Thomas Friedman’s damn book for some reason. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Jesse Jackson Jr. has a Segway … Chris Shays leaps over a fence for some reason. [Politico]
* Page Six: Eric Bogosian disses Tom DeLay, who is no longer permitted to kill men on a whim. [NYP]

* Have fun watching Bearrrrrto’s head roll, cause Attorney General Ted Olson ain’t gonna be no picnic. [Firedoglake]
* White House tells Rove, “Stay alive, no matter what occurs.” [Passport]
* Karl thinks preggers chicks are really annoying too. [Think Progress]
* When Tom DeLay goes on teevee, the only appropriate blurb would be “crooked-ass cracker.” [Media Matters]
* Country’s biggest rednecks jump aboard the Hussein train. [MoJo]
* American infatuation with settling for things extends to courts. [The Tortellini]
* Edwards is done. [Wizbang Politics]

* Heard on the Hill: Dick Durbin beat a rat to death with a golf club, bragged about his bloodthirstiness … Rep. Diane Watson kills by night, or possibly by day. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Eleanor Holmes Norton, Stephen Colbert to meet in televised rematch. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Bob Edwards says he hears Al Gore is losing weight … Tom DeLay still pretty much seems like an asshole. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Wolf Blitzer forced to drive himself to work. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Mitt Romney’s got real purty hair. [WP]
* Page Six: Bill Clinton, possibly eating a cheeseburger, will greet guests to Hillary’s fundraising spin aerobics class. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Bored activists drag Amazon.com user-written reviews into Israel-Palestine-Jimmmy Carter brouhaha. [NYDN]

* Everything you ever needed to know about national security law you learned by watching The Wire. [Danger Room]
* John Edwards is pissed his party powder shipment got opened by a staffer. [News & Observer]
* Tom DeLay wants to arm-wrestle Bill Clinton over who loathes Newt Gingrich more. [Captain's Quarters]
* Sam Brownback would like to take this opportunity to remind you that he does, in fact, hate the gays. To reiterate: hates the gays, definitely not gay himself. Nope, definitely not. [1115]
* Military blogger conference to have largest concentration of geeks that can kill you in three seconds. [Blackfive]
* Joe Trippi is sure as he can be that “Every one of these candidates is going to get caught in a macaca moment.” [PrezVid]
* Rahm Emmanuel finds Stephen Colbert “unsafe.” [The Hill]

Today’s column from conservative has-been Robert Novak details the epic war of words being waged between conservative has-been Tom DeLay and conservative has-been Newt Gingrich. MORE »

* Phil Gingrey proves you can always trust a congressman with a dyed mustache to give you the best information on cockroach and rodent infestation. [Think Progress]
* Sam Brownback pretends he likes girls. [Spin Cycle]
* “CNN Contributor Tom DeLay, live, in the Situation Room.” [Political Wire]
* Scooter planning to out Valerie Plame — as a lesbian. [Comedy Central Insider]
* Hillary Clinton is conspiring to make sure your blog sucks. [Eschaton]
* Cops and firefighters remember why they hate Giuliani. [NYDN, Political Insider]

This week’s Wonk’d features everyone you love to hate: Tom Delay putting giant brown things in his mouth, Anne Coulter taking some good meat, Lynne Cheney staying safe under a brand new helmet, and Rick Santorum just being the whack otis he usually is. If you’d like a lighter mood for Friday afternoon, you’ll also get Howard Dean’s charming cab habit and Martin Sheen in DC for real and not just in your heart. All these lovely tidbits, plus a sign from God that Ralph Nader should probably hang up his wagging finger of shame.

MORE »

Last year’s blockbuster season of Dancing With the Stars provided us with all these DC treats: MORE »

As the living sometimes visit the graves of the dead, we stopped by six-week congresswoman Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs’ website and discovered the amazing truth. She’s still in Congress, having kept Tom DeLay’s old House district in Republican hands after all!

Dear Friends,
Thank you for helping KEEP 22 REPUBLICAN!

Back on Earth, this is what actually happened: Dracula Cunt ran in the special election to fill DeLay’s seat for the last six weeks of the 109th Congress, but her name couldn’t be on the General Election ballot because DeLay had won the GOP primary before he quit. Democrat Nick Lampson — who handily won the general and was sworn in last month — didn’t file to appear on the Special ballot, even though polls showed he was going to beat her by 8 points. Oh, and the General & Special elections were held at the same time. The RNC spent nothing on her campaign, she was caught hassling voters at a polling place, and then she arrived in Washington where DeLay’s old staff walked out en masse, cuz she’s psychotic. Come back soon, Shelley!