Tag: tom delay

Sick fuck if true

Denny Hastert Going To Actual-Factual Prison For Covering Up How He Molested All The Boys

Denny Hastert, former speaker of the House and a serial child molester who for eight years was second in line to the presidency after Dick Cheney (who was already president anyway), has been sentenced to 15 months in actual...

Gross Tom Delay Writes Gross Letter In Support Of Super-Gross Dennis Hastert

So, lots of Dennis Hastert news these days, huh? We all got to learn that he maybe molested not one, not two, not three, not four, but five kids while he was busy ostensibly being their wrestling coach but...

Tom DeLay Has Hot New Consulting Firm Starring Tom DeLay

So, have you been dying to know what Tom DeLay has been up to these days? Hey, wait! Get back here. Just pretend you've been thinking about The Hammer aka The Exterminator aka The Indicted then Appealed then Exonerated aka The...
Fireside chat with Jesus about sex-type things.

Jimmy Carter Says Gay Boning Is Just All Right With Jesus

Hurray, President Jimmy Carter, that commu-sexual Marxo-lesbian oldster who used to be president, and who is famously involved with the Southern Baptist church, even if he's pretty pissed at those lady-hatin' fools on a regular basis, has issued a new decree...
Did baby do a bad bad thing?

Wingnut Gay-Hatin’ Texas A.G. Might Go To Jail Forever Because HAHAHAHAHA

Hey, remember that scummy Texas Attorney General, name of Ken Paxton, who had that huge baby tantrum over gay marriage in Texas? That was fun. Turns out he might get to avoid being throatcrammed by gay marriage after all, due...

Obama Set To Legalize Dog-On-Boy Rape, Says Clinically Sane Tom DeLay

"This is coming. And it's coming like a tidal wave." Tom Delay, the former Speaker Majority Leader of the House of Representatives -- really, the national one! -- knows a tidal wave of coming when he sees one, and...
St. Reagan never talked to our enemies

Rand Paul Will Be Tough On Iran Like Reagan Was. Um.

Sen. Rand Paul had a hell of a Tuesday kicking off his already failrific presidential campaign. So many gems. So many instant classics. So many LOLZ. And, as digby says, he gets Quote 'o the Day for this: I believe...
Yeeee Haaaa!

Sorry, Rick Perry, No Hand Cannon For You!

Indicted war criminal Rick Perry may face a fate far worse than lynching -- he may face separation from his precious beloved guns! while he awaits a conclusion of the case against him. Or at least he's had some...

Here Is Your Rick Perry Mugshot And All The Other Great Ones Too

Tuesday was the day for Gov. Rick “Yosemite Sam” Perry to turn himself into the authorities for fingerprinting, mugshot-taking, and general merriment over the extremely thin felony charges he faces over defunding the Travis County Public Integrity Unit. Finally, we...

Tom Delay Reminds America That God Wrote The Constitution And George Washington Rose From The Dead

Looks like now that ol' Tom DeLay's legal troubles are in the past, he's busy polishing up his credentials for the next phase of his life on the Wingnut Welfare circuit. In addition to his glee at getting his...

Tom DeLay Ex-Consplains How Real Americans Totally Heart Hero Ted Cruz Actually

Remember that one time Republicans shut down the government and threatened to crash the entire economy because that sumbitch Obama refused to repeal his entire presidency and let Ted Cruz live in the White House? So disrespectful! Who does...

Tom DeLay Can’t Wait To Conceal His Weapon Again, For Old Times’ Sake

You've probably seen those heartwarming videos of soldiers being reunited with their dogs after a long deployment -- the surprise, the moment of recognition, the hug, the tears of joy, the happy tail-wagging. We'd like to imagine that a...

Tom Delay Dreams Of The Good Times When You Could Kick Ladies And Homos Around

You've no doubt been following the discussions about the Violence Against Women Act super closely, yes? And in doing so, you've been thinking "hey, I wonder what disgraced felon quitter angerbear reality show star Tom Delay thinks of this...

Bristol Palin Will Be A Furry On Dancing With The Stars, Again

Noted "furry" enthusiast Bristol Palin has signed on to Dancing With The Stars again, because her five million other reality shows keep getting canceled. Sadly, no Tucker Carlson or Nancy Grace or Tom Delay this year, but let's remember...

YAY: More Americans Hearing ‘Mixed News’ About Failing Economy

Here is your weekly economic forecast: John Boehner has been really constipated lately, so please stop asking when he'll squeeze all of those new jobs out of his anus. Besides, only nerds care about job growth. What's important is...

Tom DeLay Sentenced To Three Years In Prison With Himself

Texas judge Pat Priest sentenced DeLay to three years on a conspiracy charge and also sentenced him to five years in prison for money laundering. Priest, however, allowed DeLay to accept 10 years probation on the money laundering charge,...