Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius made Barack Obama’s short list for vice presidential candidates when it was thought he needed some ladies up in there, ladies besides the future Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. And boom just like that, “Kathleen Sebelius” was a household name! And then she spoke at the Democratic National Convention and everyone said, What a pleasant person, thank goodness she is not running for Veep as she is rather a dull public speaker. Then Obama nominated her to be the new Tom Daschle after the old Tom Daschle was revealed to be a tax cheat, and guess what? MORE »

Here’s our main man, “Bob” Gibbs, responding to the lady’s question about Tom Daschle’s *sudden* withdrawal. Gibbs is hilariously evil, usually — you can tell sometimes that he wants to find a nosy reporter’s children, throw them over a cliff, and then chuck firecrackers at their bodies — but he just doesn’t seem to enjoy this job very much. Who can blame him! “Are there other nominees with tax problems?” these people ask! Jesus. Besides, the problem ultimately wasn’t that Daschle had forgotten to pay $128,000 in taxes; it was more that his life was so vulgar that he had to pay $128,000 in taxes for a private driver. [YouTube, Washington Post]

• Proven untrustworthy Oath of Office-giver Joe Biden was sent to give the Oath of Office to Hillary Clinton. To no one on Earth’s surprise, he also sort of mocked this ceremony by giggling beforehand with reporters and the Clintons, again at the expense of Justice Roberts (the “Caroline Kennedy of Reading Properly.”) [Top of the Ticket]
• Oh Tom Daschle, you cad: Today is ironically the 96th birthday of when the government started collecting income tax! [RedState]
• Another Snow Day for DC school children. They will all spend the day writing letters to Barack Obama in the Washington Post, asking him to shake his Kenyan desert goddess statues for more precipitation. [Hit & Run]
• Obama’s stimulus bill contains secret preservatives that aim to fatten and hasten the ripening of America’s children. Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi will wait patiently. [Politico]
• Bill O’Reilly has declared WAR on the New York Times after some editorial called his views on immigration those of “nativism.” But it was only after looking up the definition of “nativism” that he declared this war, for that was the final straw. [Crooks and Liars]

• DASCHLE OUT: Dang. The NYT editorial board must have some real pull. [Roll Call]

• CHUCK TODD, MODERN NOSTRADAMUS: Your editor often braves the terrifying hell-beasts at the top of MSNBC’s First Read because its authors really do have a way of putting a narrative frame around the news of the day. Yesterday we found an intriguing set of bullet points about Tom Daschle, concluding with this prediction: “The Rule of Three will now kick in: No other Obama appointee who has a tax problem will survive, period.” And today, wallah! Obama’s nominee for Chief Performance Officer has to withdraw her name from consideration. No news yet on the whys but it seems safe to assume this has something to do with “a tax lien placed on her house by the D.C government because of a failure to pay unemployment taxes on household help.” The authors of First Read are secretly Rahm Emanuel, David Axelrod, and Valerie Jarrett. [Washington Post]

Yikes! Barack Obama might still like this guy for Health and Human Services, but somebody is out to get poor Tom Daschle, an innocent and honorable man who accidentally underpaid his taxes by a hundred thousand dollars and change. Two Democratic turncoats have been whispering in the ears of Politico reporters, to whom we link because one of the reporters is our beloved Ben Smith, who is “friendly.” The point is, these Democratic sources totally ratted out Daschle, which means they are being disloyal to the president, which means they will be executed. MORE »

Anybody who saw the Senate Minority Leader lose his seat in 2004 and then magically reappear in 2008 with a pair of snappy red glasses knows that Tom Daschle is a bit of a jackass. But little did we know he was a tax cheat who would blame his current woes on his accountant. MORE »

Wonkette operative “tom m.” informs us of the latest disturbing addition to Barack Obama’s cabinet, which already includes a space pirate: “Why is Obama nominating Sally Jesse to head HHS?” [Washington Post]

Jesus, the Web editor at NYTimes.com must’ve gotten a layoff notice today, or maybe is just stoned on the popular drug Marijuana. (Thanks to “Kevin” for the tip!)

TOM DASCHLE TO BE OBAMA’S EMPEROR OF MEDICAL THINGS: Fancy Washington Insiders (e.g. CNN) say that Tom Daschle, the former Senate Majority Leader and Obama campaign co-chair who recently made headlines with his sexy Sally Jesse Raphael glasses, will be Barack Obama’s Secretary of Health and Human Services. Free enemas for all! [CNN]

* Democrats would make Tim Johnson get a brain transplant before letting Tom Daschle run again. [Election Central]
* Tom Tancredo loves guns so much he felt the need to mo-vlog about it. [Congress Blog]
* It’s an open secret among shitty journalists that Ron Paul will talk to anybody. [YouTube]
* Corrupt-as-shit Justice Department thinks Ted Stevens and his frankenhouse are too corrupt to listen to. [Think Progress]
* Bill O’Reilly: didja hear he’s conservative? [HuffPo]
* In Barry Hussein Obama’s America, everyone can get a new liver when they need it. [Scrappleface]
* Wonkette “West Coast Bureau Chief” Ken Layne talks shit about Our Leaders on “America’s Earliest Morning Show with Peter Tilden” every Thursday morning at maybe 3:20 a.m. Eastern time? ABC News & Talk Channel (SIRIUS-143 / XM-124). [KABC-AM]