Tag Archives: tom coburn

  the reason for the season

Tom Coburn Slashes 9/11-Cancer Relief, Suddenly Has Evil Goatee

Just weeks after Joe Miller’s stunning midterm loss, facial hair has finally returned to the Senate, as Tom Coburn has, heroically, suddenly grown the goatee (“Van Dyke”) of Santa Claus’ evil twin or whatever. And, powered by a churning gizzard full of holiday douchenog, he managed to single-handedly slash today’s 9/11 first-responder health benefits bill from $7.4 billion in benefits and compensation to $1.5 for benefits and $2.7 for compensation. Plus, the fund will close forever in five years, so hurry up and get your 9/11-related cancer now, 9/11 guys! Read more on Tom Coburn Slashes 9/11-Cancer Relief, Suddenly Has Evil Goatee…
  what the terrorists want

Congress So Eerily Productive It Now May Help People With 9/11 Cancer

On September 11, 2001, terrorists hijacked airplanes and flew them into two skyscrapers in New York City. As office workers panicked and their formerly mundane work environment suddenly became a gnarled warehouse of firy death, selfless firefighters and police officers ran into the building to try to save lives. Many of them didn’t make it out alive. But all of them went there with a common purpose. A sense of duty, yes, but something more than that: They went in there to contract cancer and other health complications from the smoke and dust so that they could make the government pay for their medical bills. And Congress is having so much trouble obstructing itself these days, it just might do exactly that. UPDATE: And it has! Read more on Congress So Eerily Productive It Now May Help People With 9/11 Cancer…
  what do you expect from children

Adorable Earmark-Ban Vote Fails Miserably

The Senate on Tuesday morning defeated a proposal from Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) to ban congressional earmarks. In a 39-56 vote, members defeated a temporary ban on the appropriations procedure. The moratorium was offered as an amendment to a food-safety bill that is scheduled for a final vote Tuesday morning. Read more on Adorable Earmark-Ban Vote Fails Miserably…
  jawsing

Noted Shark-Lover Harry Reid Spars With Shark Victim Tom Coburn

If there’s one story that distills our current politics it’s this one. Everything comes down to this: Democrats like Harry Reid like sharks because they get all their money from Hollywood liberal sharks like that one that starred in Jaws, but Republicans like Tom Coburn were bitten by sharks when they were kids and thus hate them. So Reid and Coburn got a little testy today over legislation that deals with stopping the harvesting of shark fins. Reid thought everyone wanted to protect sharks, but Coburn says Reid is in the pocket of special interests, which in this case is apparently “Big Shark.” Read more on Noted Shark-Lover Harry Reid Spars With Shark Victim Tom Coburn…
  newt gingrich is so gross

Tom Coburn Does Not Trust Newt Gingrich And His Many Wives, Just Like You Probably!

There are many good reasons not to Vote Newt for President, the best and most obvious reason being that you need to save your vote for John Bolton! Another good reason is because Newt Gingrich is a horrible cumsicle. Or maybe you refuse to vote for Newt because Newt loves the ladies so much, which is extremely gross to think about? That’s Sen. Tom Coburn’s (R-OK) reason, basically: Read more on Tom Coburn Does Not Trust Newt Gingrich And His Many Wives, Just Like You Probably!…
  let's see her naked

Meet ‘Lucky,’ Scott Brown’s New Team Member

A heroic staffer for Massachusetts model-senator Scott Brown recently saved this nice little cat from a harsh, lonely existence on the wild streets of Washington and brought her to Brown’s office. The feline polled well with Team Brown and subsequently acquired a new name: the distinctive “Lucky, a.k.a. ‘Longshot'” — as well as a new job, it seems! Read more on Meet ‘Lucky,’ Scott Brown’s New Team Member…
  the white alvin greene

Grizzled Old Coot Will Be Oklahoma’s Next Democratic Senator

Your Wonkette takes its mandate to keep you abreast of any and all wacky political candidates seriously! So today we introduce you to your new boyfriend, assuming you like old dudes who wear baseball caps and have gross-looking beards. Jim Rogers has run for the Democratic Senate nomination in Oklahoma four times, and we all know that the fourth time is the charm, so now he is your nominee. And come November, Tom Coburn’s reign of terror will be over! Read more on Grizzled Old Coot Will Be Oklahoma’s Next Democratic Senator…
  everything's better with monkeys

Why Is Harry Reid Giving His Monkey Friends All The Good Drugs?

By all rights Sharron Angle’s Twitter feed ought to be a nonstop stream of hilarity, full of death threats and theological lunacy and pleas for friendship, but in practice whichever intern has been put in charge of it is heroically clinging to sanity, mostly just posting links to press releases and Angle’s occasional appearances before the lamestream media. This right here is pretty good, though! Why did Harry Reid vote in favor of giving cocaine to monkeys? Doesn’t he know that this is an issue specifically reserved to the states, by the 10th amendment? Read more on Why Is Harry Reid Giving His Monkey Friends All The Good Drugs?…
  today in dana perino blocks

MEAN OLD TOM COBURN BLOCKS DANA PERINO: With Tom Coburn still maintaining a blanket hold on 100+ administration nominees, he is inadvertently ruining everything for America’s Sweetheart, Dana Perino, whom Obamar had selected for the Broadcasting Board of Governors for some strange but ultimately very unimportant reason. Or maybe it’s what Coburn wanted all along; maybe he just hates her and can’t have her ruining the television. [Dave Weigel] Read more on …
  op-art with lauri apple

Tom Coburn Is Just a Sad Lesbian Cat Lady Now

Poor old Tom Coburn was a wingnut proto-teabagger Republican Hero until the other day, when he went INSANE and told a crowd of morons they should maybe not be so hateful and personal about politics, when reasonable people can disagree, etc., and Nancy Pelosi is actually a “nice lady.” Wonkette op-art contributor Lauri Apple takes Coburn’s transformation to its only logical conclusion, and you must see it. Read more on Tom Coburn Is Just a Sad Lesbian Cat Lady Now…
  this is nice to hear

Tom Coburn Tells Town Hall That Nancy Pelosi Is Nice Lady And To Ignore Fox News, Wingnuts Furious

Tom Coburn used to be one of the most conservative senators in the senate, but now that is over. He is a liberal, a communist, and a lesbian, starting this afternoon. Mostly a lesbian, an old lesbian. What he did is tell the folks at a recent town hall that Nancy Pelosi is a “nice lady,” as if she’d never aborted 32 million babies a few weeks ago with her Hammer! This led to some jeering, and then more jeering when he told a lady that the major point of health care reform was not to put people in jail, and that that’s just crap Fox News says to manipulate people, and that people should read a range of news outlets to be properly informed in the national debate. Why is lesbian Tom Coburn such a Muslim? Read more on Tom Coburn Tells Town Hall That Nancy Pelosi Is Nice Lady And To Ignore Fox News, Wingnuts Furious…
  haw haw haw

Polite Senate Republicans Not Trying To Disrupt Reconciliation Process

GUESS WHAT, OUR HEADLINE EMPLOYS SARCASM. Consider Tom “I Am A Doctor Like Howard Dean” Coburn, who has introduced a slew of wacky amendments that will be super-tough for Senate Democrats to vote against, because any change that the Senate makes in this bill would send it back to the House for a new vote. Read more on Polite Senate Republicans Not Trying To Disrupt Reconciliation Process…
  desperation

GOD IT IS JUST SOME BASIC FIXES TO THE INDIVIDUAL INSURANCE MARKET: “Raising the bar on Republican opposition maneuvers in the Senate, Mr. Coburn on Thursday threatened to put future holds on any Democratic House members who switch their vote in favor of the health care bill, lose their election as a result next November, and then are rewarded with a high-ranking job in the Obama administration.” He’ll fuck your spouse and eat your babies, too! [NYT/The Caucus] Read more on …
  that's one approach

Obama Suggests Adding MEDICARE SPIES To Health Care Reform

Barack Obama has written a letter, to the Congress, listing four very serious Republican things from last week’s summit that he’d be willing to compromise on to make things super bipartisan. It is fairly obvious that Republicans will accept these provisions and vote for the bill enthusiastically. Congress will pass it into law tomorrow morning-ish, 535-0, in a special joint-session lawn party. Grassley’s gonna shit red white and blue firecrackers for the keynote address. Not that it matters, but let’s check out these Four Humours anyway: “The proposals Obama mentioned are: sending investigators disguised as patients to uncover fraud and waste; expanding medical malpractice reform pilot programs; increasing payments to Medicaid providers and expanding the use of health savings accounts.” So pretty basic stuff WAIT WHAT WAS THAT FIRST ONE? Read more on Obama Suggests Adding MEDICARE SPIES To Health Care Reform…
  no seriously don't

Everyone Wake Up Tomorrow, To Watch The Senate Vote!

Republicans have finally said “aw fuck all” and agreed with Democrats to move tomorrow’s final health care vote from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., so Jim Inhofe and Tom Coburn can go watch their grandkids sing about jeebus in Tulsa or whatever. They also have to vote on extending the debt limit — due to expire Dec. 31! — by $290 billion, which should buy us another few hours. Why are the Republicans such quitters about everything? If the U.S. defaults on its debt, imagine all the seats they’d pick up in the upcoming midterm elections! Read more on Everyone Wake Up Tomorrow, To Watch The Senate Vote!…
  drat

We Did Everything We Were Supposed To, But Robert Byrd Is Still Alive!

No idea if this is a hoax or not, but a self-identified Republican, “Abraham” — like the famous Jew! — called into CSPAN to ask Republican Sen. John Barrasso why Robert Byrd hadn’t died after Tom Coburn had instructed everyone to pray for it, and they had acquiesced? Maybe Tom Coburn doesn’t know God so well. Weren’t we just talking about expanding medical coverage?[YouTube] Read more on We Did Everything We Were Supposed To, But Robert Byrd Is Still Alive!…