Sorry, folks! This is what passes for SEXY SEX SCANDAL NEWS this June, while “important news” such as the incipient Iranian revolution and doomed healthcare reform dominate our boring news channels. Doug Hampton, the husband of that lady John Ensign had sex with, wrote to Megyn Kelly at Fox News five days before Ensign confessed to the affair. And in the letter he said, in effect, Ensign is such a douche! I am blabbing to you, Megyn Kelly, because you are a lawyer! MORE »

Many of Republican Senator Tom Coburn’s Oklahoma constituents were INCENSED to see their senator locked in a pornographic gay embrace with the President after his fake state of the union address a couple weeks back. In the aftermath, Coburn received 50 letters from outraged citizens asking him why he would go and do such a dirty thing with a known socialist on national TV. MORE »

• Every Republican agrees with every other one, and other signs the Rapture is upon us. [New York Times]
• Some like Huck while others dislike him. [Washington Post]
• Tom Coburn likes to fuck shit up for everybody. [Wall Street Journal]
• Walnuts may be suggesting that Drudge is lacking in the integrity department. [Politico]
• The President made a decision and is happy with the decision that he made. [Washington Post]
• What’s the one thing op-ed columnists love to write about more than Barry and Hillary? Each other! [New York Times]
• Were Democrats “stymied by a steadfast President” this year, or are they just a bunch of pussies? [LAT]
• Someone’s going to have to hang around the Senate floor over break to make sure the Decider doesn’t decide something retarded. [Roll Call]

John Hart, communications director for Sen. Tom Coburn, to his collegues, on his boss’s desire to investigate a company that employs the son of Sen. Ben Nelson: “This will shut that f—er up… I can’t wait to send an In Case You Missed It to Nebraska press that will be forwarded to a–face.” Coburn’s legislative director Roland Foster had the reply-all follow-up zing: MORE »

Tom Coburn (R-OK) points out that most Senators have comically undersized testicles. [Americans for Prosperity]

Is Ron Paul too rational for you? Unconvinced by Mitt Romney’s commitment to personally fund all abortions? Has Tom Tancredo failed to keep the Mexicans out of your town? MORE »

Senator Coburn (R-Crazy Land) has written a very important letter to the president about a very serious situation in Iran.

As the White House is about to obliterate Iran for its own mad reasons — which will probably lead to a nuclear war and the complete destruction of the USA, which is totally asking for it — it’s important that Iranians get the best pro-U.S. propaganda before they’re blown up. But Coburn has discovered a wicked source of somewhat objective U.S. news and analysis reaching everyday Iranians.

The tragic part? The source is the Voice of America, which is run by the U.S. government, which means Coburn (probably) can’t bomb it. Read the dirty details, after the jump.

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The wit and wisdom of Senator Tom Coburn, courtesy GQ. MORE »

While we’ve been implying, insinuating and plain old accusing — and even encouraging readers to call their senators — turns out the whole S. 2590 porky mystery was solved two weeks ago.

Tom Coburn, one of the few living “fiscal conservatives” and the guy who introduced the bill along with Dem glamour boy Barack Obama, just flat out told an audience back home in Oklahoma that pork-slobberin’ Alaskan Ted “Series of Tubes” Stevens had put the hold on the government-transparency bill.

Read Coburn’s actual words, along with myriad other words, after the jump.

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* Republicans in Congress settle on $70B tax-cut package as proposal for $100 gas vouchers withers; Bush “implored lawmakers to deliver an agreement he could tout.” [WP, WP, NYT]
* Immigration rallies apparently made little influence on Congress. [NYT]
* Democrats aim to pick up House seats in the Northeast. [NYT]
* Bush may have sung a Spanish version of the national anthem at a campaign event. [WP]
* House votes on lobbying reform today. [USAT]
* Administration is testing “antisatellite weapons.” [NYT]
* Democrats threaten to filibuster one, maybe two, conservative judicial nominations. [WP]
* Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) is on a one-man mission to eliminate earmarks from the emergency spending bill. [WP]
* The Supreme Court under John Roberts has become more contemplative and patient. [NYT]
* Blogosphere bloviates about Stephen Colbert’s performance. [NYT]

* Josh Bolten seeks “fresh start” for the White House. McClellan: “This is a time to reenergize and renew our commitment to help the president advance his agenda.” [WP, NYT, W$J]
* Mississippi senators are criticized for allocating $700M from war funding to relocate brand-new freight rail line. Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.): “American taxpayers are generous and are happy to restore damaged property, but it is wrong for senators to turn this tragedy into a giveaway for economic developers.” [WP]
* Sen. Hillary Clinton raised $6M in the first quarter and holds $20M in the bank; Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) has $7.2M on hand. [WP]
* Rumsfeld says calls for his retirement will fade. [NYT]
* Gay families attend White House Easter egg roll; few complaints about missing the Bushes. [USAT]
* States are showing some fiscal restraint; surpluses seen in 42 states. [USAT]
* National Archives pledges new era of “transparency”; Archives had “secret agreement” with the CIA to withhold documents. [WP, NYT]
* Mike Gravel, former Democratic senator from Alaska, officially announces bid for ‘08 presidential nomination. [WP]