tom coburn
FreedomWorks: Protection From Domestic Violence Is For Wusses
Have you been avoiding reading anything about the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) because opposition to it is just too fucking depressing? US TOO. But now none of us can avoid it no more not ever, because the Editrix decreed that we read some things and write a thing about it. Do [...]
Oh Paul Ryan, David Brooks Can’t Stay Mad At You!
What is Paul Ryan’s biggest mistake, you might be wondering — and yes, we know! It’s hard to pick just one! But if, for some reason, we were going to try, would we pick Ryan’s sponsorship of a personhood amendment? Or maybe the Ryan Plan, which would turn Medicare into a voucher program? Or oh [...]
Tom Coburn Derailing Entire Senate Over Funding For Bike Paths
Hey, is there a major important bill that Congress is trying urgently to pass to avoid one or another type of needless catastrophic shutdown? Sure, it’s “a day.” This time: something about “funding for the FAA and highway projects and 80,000 jobs” that is very socialist-sounding, which is mean old coot Tom Coburn’s cue to [...]
Tom Coburn Slashes 9/11-Cancer Relief, Suddenly Has Evil Goatee
Just weeks after Joe Miller’s stunning midterm loss, facial hair has finally returned to the Senate, as Tom Coburn has, heroically, suddenly grown the goatee (“Van Dyke”) of Santa Claus’ evil twin or whatever. And, powered by a churning gizzard full of holiday douchenog, he managed to single-handedly slash today’s 9/11 first-responder health benefits bill [...]
Congress So Eerily Productive It Now May Help People With 9/11 Cancer
On September 11, 2001, terrorists hijacked airplanes and flew them into two skyscrapers in New York City. As office workers panicked and their formerly mundane work environment suddenly became a gnarled warehouse of firy death, selfless firefighters and police officers ran into the building to try to save lives. Many of them didn’t make it [...]
Adorable Earmark-Ban Vote Fails Miserably
The Senate on Tuesday morning defeated a proposal from Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) to ban congressional earmarks. In a 39-56 vote, members defeated a temporary ban on the appropriations procedure. The moratorium was offered as an amendment to a food-safety bill that is scheduled for a final vote Tuesday morning. That’s cute. Even the ban [...]
Noted Shark-Lover Harry Reid Spars With Shark Victim Tom Coburn
If there’s one story that distills our current politics it’s this one. Everything comes down to this: Democrats like Harry Reid like sharks because they get all their money from Hollywood liberal sharks like that one that starred in Jaws, but Republicans like Tom Coburn were bitten by sharks when they were kids and thus [...]
Tom Coburn Does Not Trust Newt Gingrich And His Many Wives, Just Like You Probably!
There are many good reasons not to Vote Newt for President, the best and most obvious reason being that you need to save your vote for John Bolton! Another good reason is because Newt Gingrich is a horrible cumsicle. Or maybe you refuse to vote for Newt because Newt loves the ladies so much, which [...]
Meet ‘Lucky,’ Scott Brown’s New Team Member
A heroic staffer for Massachusetts model-senator Scott Brown recently saved this nice little cat from a harsh, lonely existence on the wild streets of Washington and brought her to Brown’s office. The feline polled well with Team Brown and subsequently acquired a new name: the distinctive “Lucky, a.k.a. ‘Longshot’” — as well as a new [...]
Grizzled Old Coot Will Be Oklahoma’s Next Democratic Senator
Your Wonkette takes its mandate to keep you abreast of any and all wacky political candidates seriously! So today we introduce you to your new boyfriend, assuming you like old dudes who wear baseball caps and have gross-looking beards. Jim Rogers has run for the Democratic Senate nomination in Oklahoma four times, and we all [...]
Why Is Harry Reid Giving His Monkey Friends All The Good Drugs?
By all rights Sharron Angle’s Twitter feed ought to be a nonstop stream of hilarity, full of death threats and theological lunacy and pleas for friendship, but in practice whichever intern has been put in charge of it is heroically clinging to sanity, mostly just posting links to press releases and Angle’s occasional appearances before [...]
MEAN OLD TOM COBURN BLOCKS DANA PERINO: With Tom Coburn still maintaining a blanket hold on 100+ administration nominees, he is inadvertently ruining everything for America’s Sweetheart, Dana Perino, whom Obamar had selected for the Broadcasting Board of Governors for some strange but ultimately very unimportant reason. Or maybe it’s what Coburn wanted all along; [...]
Tom Coburn Is Just a Sad Lesbian Cat Lady Now
Poor old Tom Coburn was a wingnut proto-teabagger Republican Hero until the other day, when he went INSANE and told a crowd of morons they should maybe not be so hateful and personal about politics, when reasonable people can disagree, etc., and Nancy Pelosi is actually a “nice lady.” Wonkette op-art contributor Lauri Apple takes [...]
Tom Coburn Tells Town Hall That Nancy Pelosi Is Nice Lady And To Ignore Fox News, Wingnuts Furious
Tom Coburn used to be one of the most conservative senators in the senate, but now that is over. He is a liberal, a communist, and a lesbian, starting this afternoon. Mostly a lesbian, an old lesbian. What he did is tell the folks at a recent town hall that Nancy Pelosi is a “nice [...]
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