Wonkette

A week and a half ago NBC newsman and Meet the Press moderator Tim Russert died, and the earth stopped in its orbit and let out a wild yawp of despair for the most wonderful person who ever lived. Speculation quickly ensued about who would replace Russert in a job that he alone among all living humans was uniquely suited to do: sit in a chair and ask politicians questions. And now we know who will host Meet the Press until the “election,” which will be called off at the last minute when we start bombing Iran. It’s Tom Brokaw! MORE »

We have read this elitist New Yorker profile of your annoying loudmouth boyfriend Keith Olbermann and, like most profiles of MSNBC personalities, it confirms everything you learned about current MSNBC dynamics during the first five minutes of its Iowa caucus coverage. MORE »

Tom Brokaw said “ass” tonight, and he should be fired from whatever job he has.

Hey Eugene Robinson, Joe Scarborough says, why don’t you go “Tom Brokaw” yourself, you gay little wicket goblin. Zing! Talk about getting DEFENESTRATED BY PROFESSIONALS.

* Reliable Source: George and Laura Bush get grilled on the tough subjects: Jenna, Jenna’s engagement, etc….Woodbridge native Eunice Omole makes the cut for The Apprentice Africa. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Roundup of important people’s holiday hot spots and office decor…John Boehner’s got some fashion tips. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Mike Huckabee is not always a nice guy. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Larry Craig is all that remains of The Singing Senators. [WP]
* Page Six: Don Imus thinks Tom Brokaw is a pussy. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Bill Clinton stays informed via 24. [NYDN]

As Drudge so cruelly notes, Washington Post obituary writer J.Y. Smith died nearly a year before he reported on Gerald Ford’s tragic death in today’s paper. How did Joe Smith do it? Did he return from Beyond the Grave, possibly to help the ghost of James Brown in killing the 93-year-old ex-prez? MORE »

Springtime in the city, and everybody is out grubbing. This week in Wonk’d finds Bill Clinton, feasting like a king, er, president; Justice Samuel Alito, chowing like it was his constitutional right; and Michael Chertoff, securing some risotto. Also spotted: Steve Carell, filming a new movie; Tom Brokaw, picking up some workout threads; and Grover Norquist, doing the shimmy-shimmy-shake. All this and more, of course, after the jump.

Loyal readers, you have supplied us with a bounty of celebrity sightings this week. Take advantage of the warm season, and go out and spot more people that may or may not want to be spotted. Then send the info to us via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of the spotted celeb). Thanks!

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* Reliable Source: Bush will divert Air Force One today to vote in the Texas primary. . . David Boies‘ wife chartered two planes to bring 50 of his best friends –including Tom Brokaw, Charlie Rose, Ted Olsen, Walter Isaacson, Tom Friedman, Ben Bradlee, Sally Quinn and Margaret Carlson– to Vegas for his surprise 65th birthday party. . . Alan Greenspan turned 80 yesterday; book advance could reach $8m. . . George Stephanopoulos gets manicures. . . Jenna Bush dined at the Capital Grille on Saturday. . . Rep. Ed Markey (D-Mass.) attended the Oscars. . . Martin Sheen seen praying at St. Stephen’s Church. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.) has cast 17,532 roll-call votes. [The Hill]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Katie Holmes‘ character in “Thank You for Smoking” was inspired by Maureen Dowd. [NYDN]

• Reliable Source: Two lawmakers are injured during charity football game. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: O’Reilly calls for “full-body search” of legal pundit: “You’re a good-looking girl. I mean, if you haven’t seen [Lis Wiehl] on TV, she’s a good-looking blond.”. . . Tom Brokaw: “This is a time when those of us who care about science and Darwin have to take a stand.” [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: Lewis Lapham: “I’ve arrived at the point where I would prefer to read Machiavelli than listen to Karl Rove.”. . . Bill Clinton: “I always figure when somebody goes after your motives, they’re on their last leg, because they actually think you’re doing something good that’s gonna have good consequences. Attacking somebody’s motives is the last refuge of somebody who’s on the short end of the stick.” [NYP]

• Reliable Source: Nancy Reagan, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld and Tom Brokaw will attend tomorrow’s White House dinner for Prince Charles and Camilla. . . Patrick Fitzgerald is a “confirmed bachelor”. . . John Roberts was Groucho Marx for Halloween. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: White House pool report: “In what has become something of a custom on Monday mornings in October, President Bush today announced a Supreme Court nominee.” [WT]
• Under the Dome: Interest in Scooter Libby’s 1996 novel spikes. . . Joe Biden’s not so-secret for fundraising: “Find enough beautiful women and enough guys will show up.”. . . Robert Byrd is a product of the Spanish flu of 1917-1918. . . Jane Harman, 60, runs 26-mile Marine Corps Marathon in five hours and 23 minutes. [The Hill]
• Ben Widdicombe’s Gatecrasher: Alito’s son: “I became interested in politics and got involved with Gary Condit (not like that). I served as a parking aide to Nancy Pelosi (I won’t even start on her), but was fired when Barbara Boxer came onto me.” Widdicombe responds, “Since when did college kids get so picky about sleeping with senators? No wonder the country’s going to hell.” [NYDN]
• Page Six: McCain and Giuliani dined together recently. . . Charlie Rangel asks that Cheney be tested for mental illness. . . Tucker Carlson and Moby will attempt comedy with Triumph the Insult Dog. [NYP, NYP, NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Jon Corzine’s ex-wife tells-all. . . George H.W. Bush is planning another parachute jump. [NYP]