Tag: todd palin

Sarah Palin Spills Boone’s Farm In Rage Over Lyin’ Hillary’s Email Tyranny

Guys, we don't think Sarah Palin is real happy with the FBI's decision not to recommend indictment for Hillary.
Sarah Palin calculates in her head how many of Bristol's "chances" will turn into out-of-wedlock babies.

Sarah Palin So Happy Donald Trump’s Jewish Grandbaby Born On Easter, Just Like Jesus!

OK SPOILER ALERT, we know Jesus wasn't born on Easter, first of all. But does Sarah Palin know that? Well He sure did something that day, over there in Nazareth, otherwise why did we hide the moose eggs all...
This is what Ted Cruz looks like when he begs for money.

Is Ted Cruz Adulterous Foreign-Born Whore? Maybe!

People, we may have to issue a correction here. We reported at you this morning that Ted Cruz had, for the first time in his life, growed himself a dick. Of course, we meant that in the sense that...
No sir, she doesn't like it!

Sarah Palin Will Be Half-Term TV Judge Of Whether He Wrong For That Or You Just Hatin’

Sarah Palin is a planner. Do you know how you're going to be grifting off your mouthbreathing fans in the fall of 2017? Sarah Palin does, dontcha know, because she's got #billz to pay. And Sarah knows, from all her...

You Want More Justin Trudeau Hotness? Fine. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Y'ALL. It's Saturday! You're probably like "Gah Evan, why do we have to look upon the hotness of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau again THIS SUCKS." That's because you're bad at life. But we can explain. First of all,...

Sarah Palin Nurses Husband Back To Health By Drunk-Stumping For Trump In Florida

Todd Palin, née Half-Term First Dude née Mr. Mrs. Sarah Palin, had a accident on his snow machine, and it sounded real bad. So bad, in fact, that we interrupted our regular programming, of snorting and snickering at the...

Sarah Palin Quits Thing For Good Reason, For Once

When we first learned, from the internet, that Sarah Palin had up and quit an appearance at a rally for Donald Trump, we made the typical Occam's razor assumptions: Sarah Palin, Patron-Type Lady Saint Person Queen o' Quittin' Stuff, was sleeping...
Black coffee, she needs black coffee. Or another cocktail.

Sarah Palin Probably Had Good Hangover, We Mean Reason, For Quitting On Trump Rally

If your name is Sarah Mama Grizzly Moosedick Palin, you have been a busy little worker bee the past 24 hours! You went on an airplane to Iowa, all the way from up there in Alaska; you got a...
Where's Track? IN JAIL MAYBE?

Track Palin Got Drunk And Beated Up A Lady With His Gun, Allegedly

What a busy day for the Palin family! Sarah's in Iowa making drunk faces about Makin' America Great Again for Donald Trump, Bristol's sitting at home COVERED in out-of-wedlock baby poo and "writing" internet letters about what a dick...
S-M-R-T-S!

Sarah Palin Endorses Donald Trump For Emperor Of Alaska And Also Too America!

BREAKING NEWS! On Jan. 19, in the year of our gun-totin' Lord 2016, Sarah Palin will saunter out onstage with Donald Trump in Ames, Iowa, where she will caress his beautiful mane and say, "I also too Sarah Palin...
At least until Labor Day we guess.

Sarah Palin Finds New Job To Quit

Hurray for Sarah Palin, who is fun-employed no more! It was just the beginning of July when she announced, to very little fanfare, that she would be closing the books on her most recent "job," which was yammering at...
She's all out of makeup, frankly.

2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True

There's this lady, Sarah Palin, you wouldn't know her. She flitted through the public consciousness for a hot minute in 2008, and then was never heard from again. Haha, spoiler alert, yes she was. We're sorry. But aside from...
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: The Greatest Gift Of All

This week, Sarah Palin pumped out a lot of Christmas-themed content, showing us that it is truly better to give than to receive, so long as you're giving to the Sarah Palin Channel. On closer inspection, all her Christmas...
Can't be too careful

Let’s All Listen To Track And Bristol Palin, And Laugh And Laugh

Update: Additional fun audio at end of post. Thank god for responsive government! We've already seen the police reports, and now Anchorage Police have released audio from their interviews with witnesses at the scene of the Great Wasillabilly Rumble....
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner

Touch of context for those who are new to this series: a Wonkette commenter named Fartknocker ponied up the cash for us to get a subscription to Sarah Palin's Internet Teevee Channel. The aim of this series is to...
Whoa, hey, watch where you put that finger!

Your Happy Funtimes Palin Brawl Playset Will Keep Your Fingers Warm On Those Cold Alaska Nights

Sniveling rage donkey Sarah Palin is back on the Facebook today, braying about the “prayer shield” that surrounds her brood of Leon Spinks imitators. Sarah is very proud of her kids’ desire to defend the family and also of...