Tag Archives: todd akin

  lady in the streets but a freak in the chamber

Gentleman Scholar Todd Akin Laments Claire McCaskill’s Loss Of Ladydom

Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin is back in the Missouri Senate race … because he never left it, son. Having weathered the storm caused by the liberal media pretending he thinks vaginas are washing machines for rape sperm (truth: he thinks they are car washes for rape sperm), Todd Akin now has to figure out how to appeal to lady voters once again. Condescending sexism should do the trick quite nicely! Read more on Gentleman Scholar Todd Akin Laments Claire McCaskill’s Loss Of Ladydom…
  how a bill becomes a law

Todd Akin Explains Inner Workings of Democracy In Language You Can Understand

Here is a pressing question that might be keeping you up nights, particularly if you live in whatever district in Missouri Todd Akin (R-Ladiesman) represents: What if you want to tell Todd Akin how much he sucks? How do you know he will listen to you and absorb what is sure to be thoughtful and nuanced commentary about how much he sucks? Well, your Wonkette is here to help! It’s very easy to get in touch with Todd Akin and tell him how much he sucks, you just write a check, preferably for a “substantial amount,” and this will get his attention. Here, watch him explain to you in this video about how you get your Congressman’s attention (hint: send him muneez.) Read more on Todd Akin Explains Inner Workings of Democracy In Language You Can Understand…
  how is babby formed?

North Dakota Senate Candidate Rick Berg Will Send You To Prison For Your Rapebortion

Well well well! Now that we have a sheriff candidate who wants to kill abortionists, a governor who has decided that women are pregnant two weeks before they conceive, a GOP senate candidate who thinks that women can shut down pregnancy stemming from a “legitimate” rape, and another governor who wants to subject women seeking abortions to unnecessary vaginal probes, what exactly are we missing, here? How can we quadruple make sure that no woman ever, under any circumstances, no matter what, feels anything other than shame for accessing a constitutionally protected right to abortion or, alternatively, make it impossible for her to get an abortion in the first place? By supporting life sentences for women that kill “preborn children” with no exceptions for rape or incest or to save the life of the woman, OF COURSE, DUH. Read more on North Dakota Senate Candidate Rick Berg Will Send You To Prison For Your Rapebortion…
  today in murder

Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe

Yesterday Karl Rove met with a group of billionaires in a secret room in Tampa, where he suggested that murdering Todd Akin might be an appropriate means of delivering his party to higher, more Senate-controlling vistas. It’s about time Karl Rove considered this, the murder of Todd Akin. Wasn’t it sort of obvious…? Read more on Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe…
  today in todd

Ha Ha, Look At How Todd Akin’s Campaign Tries To Spin Losing By 10 Points

This morning a Rasmussen poll came out showing Missouri magical fetal dumphead, Rep. Todd Akin, trailing Sen. Claire McCaskill by 10 percentage points, 48% to 38%. Considering that any GOP Senate candidate who can spell his own name was expected to be leading McCaskill by 10 to 15 points consistently through November, this is considered a poor polling result for the congressman — even though Rasmussen’s famous Republican bias this week would probably exaggerate the margin, since Republicans all want him to quit the race. Is that the spin Todd Akin’s campaign is taking? It’s a fine spin, as spinnery goes. What about simply ignoring the poll? That works too! Or there’s the option of saying that, uhh, the poll shows that Claire McCaskill should drop out of the race, which, comically, is the one Akin’s campaign is running with. Read more on Ha Ha, Look At How Todd Akin’s Campaign Tries To Spin Losing By 10 Points…
  also in the 2012 gop platform probably

NH Sheriff Candidate: The Constitution Demands I Kill Abortion Doctors

the remake looks even worse, if possible
Oh, for fuck’s sake. A Republican candidate for Hillsborough County Sheriff said Wednesday that he believes elective abortions are unlawful and he wouldn’t reject the use of deadly force to stop them. This is a position we would like to see more fully fleshed out before we reject it out of hand. Possibly a marauding sheriff executing people for abortions wouldn’t be so terrible, maybe? What’s the basis for his authority to do this, say? Read more on NH Sheriff Candidate: The Constitution Demands I Kill Abortion Doctors…
  turning vicious sexual assault into lemonade

Mitt Romney To Nutter Rapey Doctor Last Year: ‘We Agree On Almost Everything’

You may have heard over the past few days of Dr. Jack Willke (because you read Wonkette with slavish devotion), the crazy man who spreads the lie that you can’t get pregnant if you’re goodly and righteously raped. You probably also heard that he was buddy-buddy with Mitt Romney in 2008, because Mitt Romney would do a soccer potluck with Idi Amin and the Tamil Tigers if it got the Family Research Council off his back for a week. Read more on Mitt Romney To Nutter Rapey Doctor Last Year: ‘We Agree On Almost Everything’…
  leave todd akin alone!

Rep. Joe Walsh Just Doesn’t Get Why Everyone Slammed Todd Akin Like That

Now that Missouri’s finest reproductive sorcerer Rep. Todd Akin is “in it,” by which we mean his Senate race, so as “to win it,” we should expect to see many on the right to start saying, oh well, maybe we were too hard on the ol’ galoot after all. It was just one sentence, right? These things happen. And Illinois father of the millennium Rep. Joe Walsh is out early to shield his colleague from those who would have his head. “What he said was offensive, insulting and wrong, but I’m bothered by this rush to pile on,” Walsh told a group of Young Republicans yesterday. “And I’m bothered by the silence of members of our own party to stand up for him.” Read more on Rep. Joe Walsh Just Doesn’t Get Why Everyone Slammed Todd Akin Like That…
  will this be our last todd akin post?

Phyllis Schlafly And Bryan Fischer Pretty Much Think Todd Akin Is Jesus

Perfidious cockbucket Todd Akin received enthusiastic support Tuesday from noted insane persons Phyllis Schlafly and Bryan Fischer. Remarkably, this is not expected to hurt his chances for election to the US Senate. Reaching previously unplumbed depths of either cluelessness or chicanery — even for her — Ms. Schlafly carefully explained that Akin was not in favor of rape, a position that literally no one on the planet has claimed he was taking: “He’s not for rape. That’s ridiculous,” said Schlafly, founder of the Eagle Forum. “They’re making a big thing about an unfortunate remark.” Schlafly also believes that there is no such thing as marital rape, and that feminists simply made up the concept to hurt men in divorce and child custody cases, a position which is shared by alleged human being Todd Akin. Read more on Phyllis Schlafly And Bryan Fischer Pretty Much Think Todd Akin Is Jesus…
  Oh no. Not again

Akin Clarifies Clarification: Women Just Constantly Lie About Rape All The Time

Serial fact-raper Todd Akin (R-R’lyeh) has decided, what the hell, since he’s clarifying things, he might as well just clarify a little more. After telling Mike Huckabee that he’s definitely still running for the Senate, and after appearing to momentarily acknowledge biological facts, Akin has now doubled down on the crazy, insisting in an interview with Dana Loesch that, actually yeah, his original claim about ladies and rape was pretty much right, maybe, except he meant “forcible,” not “legitimate” and that what he really meant to say is that ladies just plain lie about being raped so they can get them some sweet public abortion dollars. He also denies ever implying that he said that rapists were legitimate, which is good, because literally NOBODY thought he said that. Akin also appeared to backtrack on his earlier “apology,” referring to the thoroughly discredited opinions of Dr. John C. Willke, who first popularized the notion that ladyparts magically prevent pregnancy in a rape: Read more on Akin Clarifies Clarification: Women Just Constantly Lie About Rape All The Time…
  endless derp

Todd Akin’s Final Answer: He’s In It To Win It! (Also Too, 9/11)

Vaginal magic expert Rep. Todd Akin has just gone on the Mike Huckabee radio show to announce his final decision before today’s 5:00 drop-out deadline and LOL, he’s staying in. The reason is the same as yesterday: 9/11, and how the first responders wouldn’t want him to quit!…?? Hoo boy. We could see this coming, his defiant non-quitting of the Missouri Senate race, as soon as the National Review posted an editorial calling on him to drop out yesterday. When does that ever work? Read more on Todd Akin’s Final Answer: He’s In It To Win It! (Also Too, 9/11)…
  we don't need no rape kits let that m*****f***** burn

Todd Akin Explains ‘Legitimate Rape’ To Mike Huckabee With Wheelchairs And 9/11

Yesterday, Rep. Todd Akin, who is the GOP nominee for the US Senate in Missouri, made a comment declaring that women who experienced “legitimate rape” could not get pregnant. Today, Man-Who-Used-To-Be-Skinny Mike Huckabee had Akin on his show to handhold him through a damage control interview. About two minutes in, Huckabee asks Akin if he meant “forcible rape” rather than “legitimate rape,” which Akin flop-sweats into agreement with. (Why “forcible rape” changes the nature of the vagina, I do not know, but I am sadly not the expert that a sitting Congressman is.) After a while, Huckabee asks Akin whether he expected more support through this tough time, and this is when Akin’s Giuliani brain kicks in and goes buck fucking wild (starts at 8:08): Read more on Todd Akin Explains ‘Legitimate Rape’ To Mike Huckabee With Wheelchairs And 9/11…
  how is babby formed?

Missouri Senate Candidate Todd Akin’s Guide to Legitimate vs. Illegitimate Rape

Missouri Congressman and GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin is a brilliant scientist (with a B.S. in something called “Management Engineering”) and is therefore highly qualified to speak on the intricacies of female anatomy, especially when it comes to the heretofore unknown magic powers of the reproductive system. Did you know, for example, that the uterus is able to determine the difference between “legitimate” and “illegitimate” rape? I bet you didn’t even know there was a difference, unlike Todd Akin, who currently serves on the House of Representatives Science and Technology Committee thanks to his expertise. In science. Not only does your uterus know the difference, but in the case of “legitimate” rape, it will shut down, trapping the the rape-sperm and preventing it from reaching your pure and unspoiled eggs. That means the approximately 32,000 women who become pregnant each year from rape were the victims of illegitimate rape. What’s the difference between legitimate and illegitimate rape? We’ve compiled this helpful guide from what we assume Todd Akin (B.S. in Management Engineering and member of the House Science and Technology Committee, just to recap) believes. Read more on Missouri Senate Candidate Todd Akin’s Guide to Legitimate vs. Illegitimate Rape…
  he changed his mind what of it?

Quick-Scrubbing Congressman Was Worried About Soviet Union Yesterday, Russian Federation Today

Congressman Todd Akin of Missouri is kind of stupid and we can prove it. In a very serious press release titled “Akin Against Ceding Low Earth Orbit Capabilities to Russians,” Akin (meaning his communications person, but let’s pick on the top guy anyway) writes: “The decision by the Obama administration to gut NASA’s manned flight program does more than jeopardize the long term goals of solar system exploration, the cancellation of the space shuttles replacement will effectively leave the United States reliant upon the Russian Federation to grant us access to low earth orbit. As a member of the Armed Services Committee I am very concerned with that possibility, and as an American I am disappointed by the prospect.” USA! USA! ONE PECULIAR TIDBIT, however: when this release came out yesterday, it didn’t say “Russian Federation.” Read more on Quick-Scrubbing Congressman Was Worried About Soviet Union Yesterday, Russian Federation Today…
  ace job with the recitation

Terrible Congressman Comically Screws Up His Precious Pledge Of Allegiance

This one is a beauty. Congressman Todd Akin, speaking before the Bachmaniacs at the Super Bowl of Retardation, delivers a glib lecture about the Pledge of Allegiance, its history, and its awesome inclusion of “Under God.” He asks the crowd to join him in the Pledge, because it “drives the liberals crazy.” And then he screws it up. Read more on Terrible Congressman Comically Screws Up His Precious Pledge Of Allegiance…