Wonkette

This didn’t actually happen today in history, but we’ve been thinking about it ever since Barack Obama got his “whoopin’ stick,” yesterday, because we keep imagining how cool it would be if Obama did this to Joe Lieberman. Here’s how the official U.S. Senate website puts it: “On May 22, 1856, the ‘world’s greatest deliberative body’ became a combat zone. In one of the most dramatic and deeply ominous moments in the Senate’s entire history, a member of the House of Representatives entered the Senate chamber and savagely beat a senator into unconsciousness.” MORE »

Way back in the Fifth Century, Eliot Spitzer took a “white slave” to Ireland. After many years of imprisonment, Little Saint Patrick escaped back to England, which was part of Rome at the time, and he remembered his Irish slavery so fondly that he vowed to return and destroy Paganism. It only took another 1,500 years for Ted Kennedy to drunkenly crash his car off a tiny bridge and drown his girlfriend. Learn more about St. Patrick’s Day, after the jump. MORE »

On this day in 1933, another smooth-talking Ivy League hopemonger won the White House during a terrible depression. He was also a minority in a way, in that he had no legs. Meet Franklin D. Roosevelt! You may have heard of him! MORE »