Wonkette

Here’s WALNUTS! on this morning’s Today show, fucking himself over. He says that getting our troops out of Iraq is “not too important” considering the fact that we have military bases in such places as Japan and Germany, still. You may recall this “permanent occupation” line of logic from the Republican primary season, as it was the single most horrifying thing a presidential candidate said all cycle. Ohhh, WALNUTS! [YouTube]

Cindy “Cougar” McCain said on this morning’s Today show that she will “never” release her tax returns, because she is “not the candidate.” No, but she has all of John McCain’s assets (and some more, hummina hummina hummina), and she lets him use her private jet all the time, and she has a very public position, and she steals pills from children which is a felony. [YouTube]

Four bucks says these two friends of “Kristen,” the “high-priced call girl” that made wondrous Love to Eliot Spitzer, will both get multi-billion dollar record contracts within a week. Will these two and “Kristen” become the new Black-Eyed Peas, since they are also a team of boys and girls that make by-the-numbers hip hop? Maybe if Barack Obama is president. [MSNBC]

Did you know the famous “3 A.M. Girl” in Hillary’s POLITICS OF FEAR ad is in the tank for Obama? Apparently, her family shopped her out as a little girl to be in non-POLITICS OF FEAR commercials, and that footage was then sold to the wire service Getty. That way, cheap Getty subscribers, like the Hillary Clinton campaign, could use the footage for anything — including the POLITICS OF FEAR. Watch this girl now denounce and reject Hillary, on this morning’s Today. [MSNBC]

Barack Obama is a FRAUD. He was a massive fraud on this morning’s Today show, and he probably went and stole some credit card identities after the taping. Barry has a health care package that doesn’t force everyone to get health insurance, but one time in Illinois he said single-payer systems are also good — but not feasible! Just look at this goddamn Brit, this lobsterback. Has he ever held a reliable position about anything? Thank you, The Clintons, for showing that Barry supports one kind of universal health care reform over another that he doesn’t think is so bad either.

Huckles appeared on Today this morning (I assume) to explain why he wants to convert the Constitution into the Jesus Novel. It’s great how whenever he’s asked whether homosexuality is a sin, he responds, “Oh we’re all sinners, and now here’s a joke to change the subject!” And that subject always does get changed, even though he’s left us with the logical conundrum that all of our “sinful” tendencies should be banned by Constitutional amendments.

On the esteemed television program Today tomorrow (hehe, “today tomorrow”… get it?), esteemed kingmaker Meredith Vieira will announce the winner of Time’s “Person of the Year,” which the American public for some reason gives a huge shit about. MORE »

Mike Huckabee’s cocky ass appeared on MSNBC’s Morning Joe this morning to talk about his and Romney’s religion, as well as the recent HuffPo report on Huckabee’s role (active!) in releasing an Arkansas rapist from prison and then watching as he raped more people. On religion, he blabs for a little bit; On the accusations — as shown above– he calls HuffPo a lying sack of Internet crapola.

Albert Gore Jr., winner of the Oscar, Emmy, Nobel and Vice President prizes, knows diddlyshit about journalism. In the above clip from this morning’s Today, Gore chastises the media for “the old habit of taking the ‘on-the-one-hand, on-the-other hand’ approach” when it comes to global warming. He supports this argument by noting that if you’re putting together a piece about the earth being round, you don’t try to find someone who thinks it’s flat just for balance’s sake.

That’s the most ethically reprehensible defense of poor journalism we’ve heard this entire week. Being objective is important, Albert, and this is somehow… racist. Al Gore is racist. No more awards for racist Al Gore.