Wonkette

Our dear President finally noticed this year that he has the power to veto stuff, and his favorite thing to veto these days is the increase in funding for the Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP). One of the reasons he likes vetoing that bill in particular is that the Democrats want to fund it with a tobacco tax increase. If there’s one thing he really hates, it’s tax increase because, as he put it, “Raising taxes is habit-forming — once you start in one area, it’s hard to stop in others.” Sir? Please leave the puns to the professionals and stick to mangling words, mmkay? [CQ Politics]

* Heard on the Hill: House Administration Chairwoman Juanita Millender-McDonald (D-Calif.) sends out a hilariously self-praising press release… Nancy Pelosi coins first non-dirty phrase to make it onto Urban Dictionary: “Marble Ceiling.” [Roll Call]
* Yeas and Nays: Thomas “Nasty” Nast first used the ass to represent the Democratic party on this week in 1870… “Accompanying Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen P. Hughes on her trip to China today is none other than figure skating champion Michelle Kwan” … Mark Steyn: “Muslim is the new gay.” [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Two tobacco-chewing Senators defeated by fellow tobacco-chewers… Confused Freshman Rep. gets lost in Senate side looking for Nancy Pelosi’s office… Worst job in the Senate, presiding over the gavel, going to freshman. [The Hill]

• Congressional hearings on terror detainees resemble a “partisan media event” as both parties use last week of session to look smart, busy. [NYT, WP]

• Warrantless spying bill clears one hurdle, others remain. [WP, LAT]
• Liquids and gels can go back on the planes, provided they’re in tiny bottles and scanned separately. [NYT, WP, USAT, W$J]
• British soldiers kill high-ranking Al-Qaeda member in Iraq, who had previously escaped from an American prison in Afghanistan. [NYT]
• Marlboro Lights ain’t no Diet Coke, Judge rules. [NYT]
• Home prices decline for first time in a decade, effect on overall economy unknown. [LAT]
• The big newspapers pick up story of George Allen and the n-bombs. [NYT, WP]

Our thrilling write-up is after the jump.

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“Someone’s gotta go back for a shit-load of dimes!”
George Allen, being rather obsessed with a five-year-old’s view of the south (and Virginia specifically) as some sort of amalgam of the West, cowboys, baseball players, and good ol’ boys, chews Copenhagen like a champ, spitting wherever he damn well pleases (including, according to “Heard on the Hill,” into a styrofoam cup while on the floor of the Senate). MORE »

The Florida Supreme Court yesterday decided to give their stamp of approval for the overturning of an earlier $145 billion decision against the tobacco industry. That’s a lot of money, and I think the industry should celebrate by blowing it all on, you know, fun things! Here’s a few suggestions for neat ways they can spend the mad-money they don’t have to give to unfun healthcare and boring education:

• Purchase 446 million Emilio Pucci printed turtlenecks, enough for almost every man, woman, and child in the European Union. Probably enough if you leave out the babies.
• Stage the greatest demolition derby EVER with five million Hummer H3s.
• Make Sherwin-Williams’ slogan a thrilling reality by covering the earth with over two billion cans of candy apple red automotive touch-up paint.
• Or upholster the world instead with 5.6 billion yards of sparkly hot-pink Naugahyde (please?).
• Surprise the People’s Republic of China with 87 billion cans of Silly String.

Big Award on Tobacco Is Rejected by Court [NYT]

Hey, did you read about that “Tobacco Lounge” that opened in Chicago? Huh? It was on the third page of the Post today. Oh, and, uh, on the front page of the New York Times two months back. We read both pieces, and, forthwith, our exclusive head-to-head comparative competition deathmatch analysis:

Soft Lede

Times:
“The room is lined with vintage ashtrays, delicate lighters, matches and pens shaped like cigarettes. The scent, naturally, is of smoke.”

Post:
“Glasses clink, friends chat in plush chairs and a fire crackles in a stone hearth at Marshall McGearty Tobacco Artisans, a ‘tobacco lounge’ that has opened in Chicago’s trendy Wicker Park neighborhood.”

Advantage: Times. The Post gets to the point a little quicker, but manages two cliches (”glasses clink,” “fire crackles” — at least the smoke wasn’t “curling upwards”) in 11 words.

The rest of the dogfight, after the jump.

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