Barack Obama has completely exhausted his list of passingly competent government nobodies to fill the remaining positions in his upper-level administration, so now he is reaching out to people he has heard about on the teevee. Today we hear that Richard Parsons is under consideration for Secretary of Commerce now that Bill Richardson has returned to beard-farming. You remember Dick Parsons, yes? Former chairman of Time Warner, one of a select handful of black people to run a Fortune 500 company, etc? He also apparently “ran a Social Security study group in [the] Bush era,” which should send a cold chill of fear down your spine. Dick Parsons is obviously Beelzebub. [The Page]

Jim Samples, head of Time Warner’s Cartoon Network, stepped down in disgrace today in the wake his his companies foiled terrorist attack on Boston. MORE »

Thank our American God the law is coming down hard on these two terrorists. The men were hired by the “Time Warner” company to leave little cartoon things around Boston, which caused a complete shutdown of the once proud city.

Other sinister men left the same comical things all over other, smarter U.S. cities … weeks ago … where they went unnoticed. Meet the new face of evil, after the jump.

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If lame Arsenio Hall gags from the 1980s are no longer permitted, then America has truly died. MORE »