Tag Archives: time warner

  clipbait

John Oliver Presents The Only Interesting Story On Net Neutrality, Ever (Video)

John Oliver proudly brings you the first story on Net Neutrality that will actually keep the interest of people who aren’t already Net Neutrality activists, and for this, Last Week Tonight probably deserves an Emmy. It helps that Oliver starts off by acknowledging that Net Neutrality is not an exciting, sexy topic, admitting that it’s “even boring by C-SPAN standards” and that he’d “rather read a book by Thomas Friedman” than sit through a hearing on the topic. Or even sit down with his niece and watch Caillou, “a children’s show about a bald Canadian child who lives a life devoid of any interest.” (For our part, we really hope that TV hosts yelling “Fuck you, Caillou!” becomes a trend.) And so yes: Net Neutrality — boring but important. And Oliver even manages to keep the funny going. It helps that his staff found footage of a telecom executive rejecting the idea that ending net neutrality would result in a “fast lane and slow lane” for web traffic, instead claiming there’d be “a fast lane for everybody, and a hyperspeed lane for others” — even on a tech topic, bullshit is bullshit. And it’s kind of cool to see a guy on cable ripping cable companies. Read more on John Oliver Presents The Only Interesting Story On Net Neutrality, Ever (Video)…
  bill donahue knows a bigot when he sees one

Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids

Bill Donohue, the president and possible sole member of the Catholic League, has called for HBO to cancel Real Time With Bill Maher after the most recent show featured Wonket Pal Dan Savage, who very offensively and unfairly suggested that Catholic priests do sex on children. Donohue, who has a history of downplaying sexual abuse by priests, is likely to be about as successful in getting Bill Maher off the air as he was in his epic battle against Jon Stewart last year. We predict that in two weeks, after nothing has happened to Bill Maher, Donohue will declare victory and ask for some donations to continue his important work of complaining about the Simpsons. Read more on Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids…
  replacements

Maybe This Celebrity Guy Will Lead Commerce!

Barack Obama has completely exhausted his list of passingly competent government nobodies to fill the remaining positions in his upper-level administration, so now he is reaching out to people he has heard about on the teevee. Today we hear that Richard Parsons is under consideration for Secretary of Commerce now that Bill Richardson has returned to beard-farming. You remember Dick Parsons, yes? Former chairman of Time Warner, one of a select handful of black people to run a Fortune 500 company, etc? He also apparently “ran a Social Security study group in [the] Bush era,” which should send a cold chill of fear down your spine. Dick Parsons is obviously Beelzebub. [The Page] Read more on Maybe This Celebrity Guy Will Lead Commerce!…
 

Cartoon Network Head Takes Responsibility for Lite-Brite Attack, Steps Down

Jim Samples, head of Time Warner’s Cartoon Network, stepped down in disgrace today in the wake his his companies foiled terrorist attack on Boston. He said he felt “compelled to step down, effective immediately, in recognition of the gravity of the situation that occurred under my watch.” Read more on Cartoon Network Head Takes Responsibility for Lite-Brite Attack, Steps Down…
 

America’s New Enemy Has Dreads, Watches Cartoons

Thank our American God the law is coming down hard on these two terrorists. The men were hired by the “Time Warner” company to leave little cartoon things around Boston, which caused a complete shutdown of the once proud city. Other sinister men left the same comical things all over other, smarter U.S. cities … weeks ago … where they went unnoticed. Meet the new face of evil, after the jump. Read more on America’s New Enemy Has Dreads, Watches Cartoons…
 

Barbara Bush: The Man On the Oatmeal Box

If lame Arsenio Hall gags from the 1980s are no longer permitted, then America has truly died. Comedian Paul Mooney says Time-Warner fired him from “Showtime at the Apollo” because of his Bush-bashing routine. So what kind of brutal Colbertesque comic attack did Mooney launch against Dubya? Read more on Barbara Bush: The Man On the Oatmeal Box…