Wonkette

Hey you know who has been douchier than usual in the last couple of days is that Mark Halperin, the famous political reporter who thinks he knows everything but is always wrong. His website has all sorts of useful information — campaign press releases, teevee schedules, etc. — but also a constantly updated cycle of crap predictions. This edition of “Halperin’s Take” is the worst thing anyone has ever written about politics. And yesterday he predicted that billion-year-old Republican Sen. Dick Lugar would be Obama’s pick. WTF? And don’t forget this gay little stunt too, in which he mocks political reporters who like to spread the shit without any factual basis. Projecting much? God he is a twit. Why are we even writing about this twit? Who? [The Page, HuffPo]

How will we survive the lean economy if there’s no more bacon? [Time] MORE »

Matt Drudge, the patron saint of political journalists looking for some link love, has this dignified “You’re Done, Hillary” TIME cover, which we can only assume is either a) the next TIME cover, or b) somebody’s idea of a funny thing to make Hillary cry. [DRUDGE REPORT] MORE »

Now this is a creative graphic from America’s Magazine of Record, Time, which will grace the cover for its upcoming green issue. (Hey, wasn’t that Vanity Fair’s gimmick-issue to begin with?) Of course it is a play on the famous Iwo Jima photo/statue from World War II, which was a fake to begin with. Naturally, Iwo Jima veterans are very offended that their fake posing photo is being used to promote something as Communist as saving the environment. MORE »

Time’s Joe Klein on CNN late this afternoon: “Maybe the operative metaphor here isn’t drowning but a giant stingray landing in Obama’s boat.” Today’s top story on CNN.com: “Woman on boat dies after ray strikes her.” Let’s give a big round of applause to Joe Klein of Time magazine; he’ll be here every night this week, matinee on Saturday. [via Eschaton]

Time’s Mark Halperin isn’t naked, or dreaming about Matthew McConaughey, or asking the important obvious questions. But he is doing something else that is strange. Who will win? Lassie. It is Lassie who will run against John McCain for president. [The Page/Time]

There’s so much news this election cycle from the various Journalistic Reporters; how do we even know what to believe, and what are the questions we should be asking? Fortunately we have reporters like Time’s Mark Halperin to sift through the material and offer “Halperin’s Take” on the events at hand. Halperin’s thoughts and commentary transcend what you or I could ever hope to think or comment. Today, he offers “Halperin’s Take” on that question we’re all asking: Will Hillary go on if she loses Texas and/or Ohio tomorrow? She will, according to Halperin, because she wants to be president! MORE »

Ooh, the new issue of Time has our friend WALNUTS! on the cover with a new nickname: The Phoenix. I get it, it’s because (a) he had burned and died but somehow still lives and (b) Phoenix is a town in Arizona, which he represents in the Congress! Is it maybe time to retire WALNUTS! for “The Phoenix?” Never. His campaign may rise and fall, but his torture cheeks shall eternally swell for America. [via Jonathan Martin]