Tag: time

Trump Finds A Website Worse Than Fox News. Wonkagenda For Mon., Nov. 27, 2017

The GOP still can't figure out what it's doing, REXXON is blowing off security briefings, and Melon Trump hates being FLOTUS. Your post-vacay morning news brief!

McConnell Retreats To His Shell. Wonkagenda For Wed., June 28, 2017

McConnell kicks TrumpCare down the road, Chaffetz wants a kickback, and Sarah Palin tries to kick the New York Times. Your morning news brief!

Is Donald Trump Reverse-Gaslighting HIMSELF?

Donald Trump is not crazy, ALL THE REST OF YOU ARE CRAZY.

Bob Dole Wants To Make Taiwan Great Again! Wonkagenda for December 7, 2016

Donald Trump's slight of hand, everyone hates Chris Christie, and Corey Lewandowski hates Festivus. Your Daily News Brief!

Wonkagenda: Thursday, August 11, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Ocean About To Run Out Of Bluefin Tuna, Life Not Worth Living Any More

So yeah. That's a thing now. BRB, weeping profusely and lamenting the downfall of everything worthwhile in the universe. The AP got their hands on a draft summary of a report from International Scientific Committee for Tuna and Tuna-like Species...

Donald Trump Already President Of All You Overrated Losers

So that "debate" thingie last night, you saw it, yes? Where nine of America's biggest losers pulled out their gruesome dick junk and showed it to Fox News's Megyn Kelly and Bret Baier on live television, but nobody was...
How good do you heart America?

Stop Hating America So We Can Look Into This Benghazi Thing For The First Time Ever

Talking about torture is just so yesterday. And besides, there is no reason to talk about bad things our country might have done, because we're America, and we don't do bad things. And if you say that we do,...

Pornhub About To Provide An Even Greater Public Service Than It Already Is

Used to be a man (or a lady!) could watch some tentacle porn in peace, not having to worry about how it might affect the planet at large. But now, thanks to the hippies at Pornhub, we're all expected...

Cosmos Recap: The Speed of Light Is Very Unfair To Creationists

We're at week 4 of Cosmos: The Rebootening, and since last week was all about how Isaac Newton revolutionized physics, then for this week's episode, it's time (and space and gravity) for Einstein. As an English major, Yr. Dok...

Time Magazine Helpfully Explains Why A Quick Visit To The ER Costs As Much As A Semester At Harvard

Your Wonkette had to go to the hospital about a year ago for a two hour long procedure. We had a good friend come pick us up, and as we left, she indicated a desire to take the brown...

Mitt Romney Can’t Explain What He Learned from Firing People

I like to learn a fun fact every day, and today I learned TWO fun facts! One is that people still actually read Time, and two is that Romneybot 6000 doesn’t have a scripted response to questions about what...

Michele Bachmann Honored To Be Noted by TIME Alongside Hitler

Vacant-eyed junior demagogue Michele Bachmann wants to be a famous extremist dingbat just like her rival/idol, Sarah Palin. But how to get better known? The new polls show that 64% of GOP voters have no idea who Michele Bachmann...

New Time Magazine Obama-Reagan Cover Is Racist Against Conservatives

Hey, did you hear Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday is next month? Of course you didn't. You've been too busy fasting and praying to Ronald Reagan because OF COURSE HIS BIRTHDAY IS NEXT MONTH. So how would Ronald Reagan like...

Nancy Pelosi Doesn’t Understand Why John Boehner Cries So Much

Nancy Pelosi did an interview with Sunday's The New York Times Magazine in which she let America know that she was not put on the cover of a different, money-hemorrhaging magazine (Time) when she became House speaker. But John...