Tag Archives: tim tebow

  After we stopped crying we started giggling

Wingnuts Very Upset That Gay Jihadists Just Did 9/11 To America

HELP, JESUS!
When news broke that the Supreme Court had forcibly crammed gay marriage down the throatholes of every God-fearing American, our first instinct (AFTER CRYING) was go check Bryan Fischer’s Twitter-Twatter page. And he had said nothing! “WAKE UP, BRYAN FISCHER!,” we said to no one in particular, but apparently we successfully summoned the demon, because HOLY SHIT Y’ALL, he is having a meltdown of the most beautiful, epic proportions. Let’s point and laugh as Bryan Fischer explains how gay jihadists have just done a whole new 9/11 to America: Read more on Wingnuts Very Upset That Gay Jihadists Just Did 9/11 To America…
  what a wonderful world

Nazis, Google, And Jesus Walk Into A Bar

There are literally tens of reasons for you to clicky clicky these Happy Nice Time links this afternoon, all of which have to do with making sure people give us monies, so get going, please. Read more on Nazis, Google, And Jesus Walk Into A Bar…
  It's Time To Pump You UP

Tim Tebow Will Help You Be The Manliest Jesus Lover Ever Just Like Tim Tebow

How’d you guys spend Easter? Dinner with the family? Avoiding dinner with the family? Being a heathen or a Jew? No matter, because now you’re sad that you did not celebrate Easter chopping wood, like Jesus did (carpenters chopped their own wood, right?), with a beswollen Tim Tebow and a bearded dude from Duck Dynasty. Oh, fuck you if you think we can keep the Duck Dynasty guys straight. Read more on Tim Tebow Will Help You Be The Manliest Jesus Lover Ever Just Like Tim Tebow…
  the love that dare not play the game

NFL Prospect Michael Sam Comes Out, Brave Anonymous NFL Executives Clutch Pearls

If you were anywhere near a news source last night, you learned that University of Missouri defensive lineman and SEC [Southeastern Conference] co-defensive player of the year Michael Sam came out as gay. There was no teasing of the story for a million years at the national level, so the piece was a surprise to a lot of people, though a one million word behind-the-scenes story made clear that the rollout was a long time coming. Good on you, football player we have not heard of! We are not sportsball people, but we are perfectly aware that it is not a super fun time to be a gay man in pro sports. In case we needed that confirmed for us, Sports Illustrated granted anonymity to eight NFL executives so they would feel free to say some really super-bigoted shit about the whole thing and to explain how being a homosexual makes you a less valuable NFL draft pick. Read more on NFL Prospect Michael Sam Comes Out, Brave Anonymous NFL Executives Clutch Pearls…
  spoiler alert

Breaking! Jesus People Who Hate Hollywood Are Definitely Going To Boycott Hollywood

Oh man, now you have done it, Hollywood. All those years of unfettered liberal sex and drugs and violence! Religious people mumbled unhappily about that, but they never found the chink in your armor. Now you’ve made your fatal mistake: telling them that they can’t cheat to get their awful song into the Oscar nominations. Read more on Breaking! Jesus People Who Hate Hollywood Are Definitely Going To Boycott Hollywood…
  republican jesus is all 'hells yeah bro!'

Maybe Tim Tebow Is Kind Of A Dick? Update: Maybe Not?

I’m predicting Obama will take an early lead tomorrow… Until all the Republicans get off work. #RomneyRyan2012 — Tim Tebow (@TheTimmyTebow) November 5, 2012 Hahaha, Democrats — many of whom are minorities and/or working class, but others of whom are like, your mom, and teachers and stuff — are lazy moochers who just lie on the couch collecting welfare all day. Good one, Tim Tebow! We are pretty sure Jesus is thumbs-upping you right now! Read more on Maybe Tim Tebow Is Kind Of A Dick? Update: Maybe Not?…
  wasn't this rick perry's gig?

Vote Bachmann Since She’s Like That Annoying NFL Player Everyone Hates

Here’s an interesting sales pitch from some super PAC supporting Michele Bachmann which we will now (pretty closely) paraphrase for you: “Professional football player Tim Tebow is not very smart, he has a problem with accuracy, and his holier-than-thou Christian shtick is incredibly irritating to many observers — which makes him exactly like Michele Bachmann.” So, uh, vote for her if you self-identify as a sanctimonious prick? Read more on Vote Bachmann Since She’s Like That Annoying NFL Player Everyone Hates…