Tag Archives: tim scott

  Poll Axed

South Carolina Exit Poll Seeks Accurate Measurement Of Black Uppitiness

Everybody has a logo
In today’s “You’re sure this isn’t from National Report?” news — because it sounds like bullshit, but isn’t witty enough to be from The Onion — we have this story out of South Carolina, where voters in several cities were asked some perfectly reasonable questions as part of an exit poll Tuesday. Four of the questions touched on race and slavery; respondents were asked to “agree” or “disagree” with these statements: Read more on South Carolina Exit Poll Seeks Accurate Measurement Of Black Uppitiness…
  movin' on up

In Bout Of Not-Affirmative Action, GOP To Promote Party’s Lone Remaining Black Representative

Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC), who is the Other Black House Republican Besides Allen West, is your newest Senator from South Carolina, after Jim Demint left to grift money at the Heritage Foundation!  YAY!!! Many people think that Tim Scott is somehow better because he is more moderate than Allen West, which is sort of like a fried Snickers bar being healthier than a fried Twinkie because it is covered in slightly less batter.  Also because, much like a Twinkie, Allen West was defeated and therefore no longer really exists. As it turns out, Tim Scott is fucking crazy, but he has that sexy Michael Jordan head rather than Allen West’s weird graying Kendall Gill flattop, so all is forgiven. Read more on In Bout Of Not-Affirmative Action, GOP To Promote Party’s Lone Remaining Black Representative…
  love the sinner hate the sin

Jim DeMint’s Chosen Successor Maybe Has Had Sex Outside Of Marriage, Burn Him

Oh, you guys think South Carolina freshman Congressman Tim Scott is so great, huh? And that’s why he is awesome dude Jim DeMint’s handpicked successor in the Senate when DeMint goes off to filibuster the Heritage Foundation or whatever? Well what if we told you he might not even be a virgin but might have put his dingus in a lady’s babyhole, even though he is a 46-year-old bachelor unbound in holiest matrimony? WHAT THEN? HENGHHGH? Read more on Jim DeMint’s Chosen Successor Maybe Has Had Sex Outside Of Marriage, Burn Him…
  the end of racism

Romney Campaign Announces Its Perfunctory Black Outreach Thingy

Are you black, and a Republican? Congratulations! Oh, you didn’t hear? You’ve just been named to the Romney campaign’s Black Leadership Council. Your duty: to say the exact same Republican talking points as everyone else, while being black. Now since the polls show Romney earning the support of a whole 0% of the African American vote, some might say that the party already maxed out its support among this particular demographic. And since the Republican party has successfully disenfranchised 100% of African American voters in the United States, it’s hard to see many additional converts in the offing. Just keep it from falling into negative territory, please! Good? Okay, now go away… Read more on Romney Campaign Announces Its Perfunctory Black Outreach Thingy…
  now if they could just emancipate rand paul

South Carolina GOP Expected To Make History Tonight By Somehow Nominating Minorities, Woman

What a wacky, wacky twist. “Wait a second, you’re telling me South Carolina’s going to nominate a black instead of the son of the guy who liked to segregate said minority but secretly made babies with his family’s 16-year-old maid who was of that race?” YES, YES, WHAT HAS BECOME OF SOUTH CAROLINA? State legislator Tim Scott is the SC-1 candidate who has captured their hearts, yet he is a black guy? What a very, very quick and amusing twist that only took decades to happen. Of course, it took Scott being a Teabagger extremist and making Paul Thurmond look like a librul sissy in comparison to blind people to the fact that he is black. But then you have to consider that Nikki Haley is also expected to win her nomination for governor, and she is also a minority and a WOMAN, so what is going on? Read more on South Carolina GOP Expected To Make History Tonight By Somehow Nominating Minorities, Woman…