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Posts Tagged ‘tim pawlenty’

'PALIN/BACHMAN 2012'

Bachmann: The Government Has Blown Its Load All Over Us

Monday, May 4th, 2009

…Just too much comedy in this video of a Minnesota protest to summarize. So, one quote, from that goddamn Bachmann: “We have seen an orgy… The government spent its wad.” [YouTube, Dusty Trice]


SNOWBILLY MELTDOWN

Sarah Sinking So Fast That RNC Co-Chair Just Called Her ‘Sarah Pawlenty’

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008

Besides her sudden disappearance from tonight’s RNC lineup, there are many other signs that Sarah Palin will be the first major-party veep nominee to drop off the ticket since George McGovern dumped Thomas Eagleton for being crazy, way back in 1972. What are the other chilling new signs of Snowbilly Loserdom? MORE »


LOSERS

Who Will Be Doomed McCain Pick?

Friday, August 29th, 2008

Bikini Chicken has the experience AND the judgment to leadEnough of boring old Barack Obama. Who will be McCain’s first black female vice president under the age of 40? Nobody knows! All the news reports are about various people who say they will not be veep! We got yer Sarah Palin, yer Tim Pawlenty, and our boyfriend Mike Murphy said on the MSNBC half an hour ago that his pal on the Romney campaign declares it isn’t Mitt, either. So it’s either Lieberman or the humble roasted chicken to your left. [Political Ticker]


SHRINKING VIOLETS

Guess Who Won’t Be Our Next VP?

Friday, July 11th, 2008

Only losers don't run for vice president!Hey kids saddle up, it’s time for your thrice-weekly dose of vice presidential speculation. We know that certain contenders have officially dropped out of the race for Our Nation’s Number Two: Virginia Senator Jim Webb, for example, and Jesus. But who else will not be on the ticket? Famous Democrat Hillary Clinton and slightly famous Republican Tim Pawlenty, according to “sources.” MORE »


EDUCATION

Minnesota Robo-Calls Warn Against Exciting, Unusual Sex Acts

Wednesday, May 14th, 2008

The dance of loveHey Minnesota, would you like to learn more about “oral-anal sex”? Just answer the phone! Chances are you’ll eventually be on the receiving end of a bizarre robo-call from the Minnesota Family Council that warns people against buttsecks, rimming, and other horrors. Apparently the liberals want to give your children hands-on demonstrations of biblically forbidden acts, in school, using fetal pigs and Thai hookers. MORE »


REPUBLICANS

Tim Pawlenty Does Not Have Sex With His Wife

Monday, May 12th, 2008

He would rather make love to this fish.Hey, maybe the Republican governor of Minnesota is gay enough to run for Vice President after all! It is a scientifically documented fact that many leading lights of the Republican party prefer the company of other gentlemen, and remarks Tim Pawlenty made this weekend suggest he is a member of the Party’s elite cabal of well-groomed fellows who happen to know all the words to every ABBA album ever recorded. He told a WCCO radio show host he doesn’t have sex with his wife! MORE »


GEORGE W. BUSH

Pres. Reminds Minnesota That He Cares About Their Collapsing Bridges

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

President Bush traveled to Minnesota to raise money for dirtbag Senator Norm Coleman, and while he was there he did a little favor for Governor Tim Pawlenty, who hopes to make a career of this whole Republican up-and-comer thing. The weeks-old 35W bridge collapse is now a federal emergency, netting Minnesota instant millions in federal aid, and the help of America’s favorite agency, FEMA. MORE »


MINNESOTA

Dying to Build a Bridge

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

Somehow, the brief political truce engendered by the tragic and inexplicable collapse of a freeway bridge in Minneapolis didn’t last. Against all odds, the most liberal city in the state is no longer thrilled with the response from their ambitious conservative governor. It turns out that a government that may be culpable in the disaster isn’t trusted to clean it up, for some crazy reason. MORE »


FUNNY PICTURES

Tim Pawlenty Really Loves Being Governor

Monday, January 15th, 2007


Christmas-hating Minnesota Governor Tim Governor Pawlenty may be angling for the veep slot under Dictator-President John WALNUTS! McCain, but that doesn’t mean he’ll forget his time as Jesse Ventura’s successor. MORE »