Guess Who Won’t Be Our Next VP?
Friday, July 11th, 2008
Hey kids saddle up, it’s time for your thrice-weekly dose of vice presidential speculation. We know that certain contenders have officially dropped out of the race for Our Nation’s Number Two: Virginia Senator Jim Webb, for example, and Jesus. But who else will not be on the ticket? Famous Democrat Hillary Clinton and slightly famous Republican Tim Pawlenty, according to “sources.” MORE »
Hey kids saddle up, it’s time for your thrice-weekly dose of vice presidential speculation. We know that certain contenders have officially dropped out of the race for Our Nation’s Number Two: Virginia Senator Jim Webb, for example, and Jesus. But who else will not be on the ticket? Famous Democrat Hillary Clinton and slightly famous Republican Tim Pawlenty, according to “sources.” MORE »
Hey Minnesota, would you like to learn more about “oral-anal sex”? Just answer the phone! Chances are you’ll eventually be on the receiving end of a bizarre robo-call from the Minnesota Family Council that warns people against buttsecks, rimming, and other horrors. Apparently the liberals want to give your children hands-on demonstrations of biblically forbidden acts, in school, using fetal pigs and Thai hookers. 
Hey, maybe the Republican governor of Minnesota is gay enough to run for Vice President after all! It is a scientifically documented fact that many leading lights of the Republican party prefer the company of other gentlemen, and remarks Tim Pawlenty made this weekend suggest he is a member of the Party’s elite cabal of well-groomed fellows who happen to know all the words to every ABBA album ever recorded. He told a WCCO radio show host he doesn’t have sex with his wife! 
President Bush traveled to Minnesota to raise money for dirtbag Senator Norm Coleman, and while he was there he did a little favor for Governor Tim Pawlenty, who hopes to make a career of this whole Republican up-and-comer thing. The weeks-old 35W bridge collapse is now a federal emergency, netting Minnesota instant millions in federal aid, and the help of America’s favorite agency, FEMA. 
Somehow, the brief political truce engendered by the tragic and inexplicable collapse of a freeway bridge in Minneapolis didn’t last. Against all odds, the most liberal city in the state is no longer thrilled with the response from their ambitious conservative governor. It turns out that a government that may be culpable in the disaster isn’t trusted to clean it up, 