Tag: tim pawlenty

We were a more innocent nation back then

Where Were You When Michele Bachmann Became Princess Of Iowa 4 Years Ago?

It was a simpler time, a time before Benghazi, a time before the Obamacare computers were all kerflooey, a time when America still believed it was possible for a bright-eyed crazy lady who never quite focused on your face...

‘Democrat’ Jim Webb Announces Candidacy To Be 2016’s Tim PawlentyZZZZZZZZZ

Former Virginia Senator Jim Webb announced Thursday that he's running for the Democratic nomination for president, and we suppose that some people may have actually showed up for the announcement. Oh, actually, no, he just sent an email, which...

It Has Been Five Minutes, So Mitt Romney Is Flip-Flopping On Something Again

Mitt Romney, who just can't take no for an answer and may need to be told no yet again, has apparently grown tired of pretending to be "severely conservative." It didn't work for him so well in 2012, when...

Silly Robert Reich Says Words About Minimum Wage To Helen Keller We Mean S.E. Cupp

So here is a clip of Robert Reich articulately laying out the case for why the minimum wage needs to be raised, and CNN's S.E. Cupp not hearing anything but "victimizing job creators for class war." It's worth watching,...

Straight-Faced GOP Mouthpieces: Mitt Romney Has Foreign Policy Experience Because Of All Those Swiss Bank Accounts

When Barack Hussein NObAama ran for president in 2008 with no foreign policy experience (unless you count ACORN as its own brave nation state), our good, kind and decent brethren on the right thought this might be a bad...

Romney Campaign Pounces Back With Devastating Ad of Obama Singing Well

The Mitt Romney for President general election campaign, which is finally reaching the hypothetical comedy potential of an entity called the "Mitt Romney for President general election campaign," refuses to back down on its calls for an apology from...

Tim Pawlenty Compares Presidential Run to Bungee Jump Fail

Following Monday's only news story, a 22-year-old Australian woman surviving a bungee cord failing after she jumped into South Africa's Zambezi River, Tim Pawlenty emerged from the floppy disk drive of our minds to compare his failed presidential bid...

Tim Pawlenty Running For President of Tunisia Now Or Something

Anonymous human entity "Tim Pawlenty" has not had very much luck getting a nation of 300 million people to recognize his existence and much less his stuttering, abortive campaign for American President, so he told reporters he will try...

Mystery Hero ‘Tim Pawlenty’ Returns To Help Pilot Romney Campaign Crash

Perennial ratings black hole CNN is never one to miss out on "something that happened a few days ago," so they will pull yet another GOP debate out of Wolf Blitzer's anus, tonight, in Florida! Reliable source The Internet...

Fictional ‘Tim Pawlenty’ GOP Candidate Quits Presidential Race

Bland cheese curd/make-believe Republican candidate Tim Pawlenty ended his candidacy today in a desperate bid to convince voters he had been running for the GOP nomination. As his announcement came on a Sunday morning when news editors were at...

Liveblogging the Ames GOP Presidential Devil Clown Anger Match

Is everyone clutching a bottle of Advil in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other? Does it matter which hand is holding which? NO! Tonight we will watch all 83 GOP presidential candidates stand together on...

The 1980 Winter Olympics Hate Tim Pawlenty

Tim “Who Cares?” Pawlenty is in trouble now, because his hopeless campaign couldn’t even make a lousy commercial the right way. This campaign ad he made, “The American Comeback,” is funny because first of all, a “comeback” is the...

Critics’ Corner With Tim Pawlenty: Lady Gaga ‘Actually Very Talented’

Here is presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty so excited to talk to some young people about his huge Lady Gaga crush that he interrupts his lady interviewers' questions to ask them what their favorite Lady Gaga songs are (starts at 1:48)....

Pawlenty Campaign, Minnesota Going Up In Flames As Shutdown Continues

It is WORLD WAR TEN in Minnesota. Following the government shutdown last Friday, there have been no public workers to protect the state parks from roving Visigoth hordes or whatever Marcus Bachmann keeps talking about, so the barbarian gangs...

‘A Republican’ Higher In Polls Against Obama Than Actual GOP Candidates

A new Gallup poll shows sad person Barack Obama down by 5 points in a generic matchup with "a Republican" as his opponent, which if there were any Republicans running for president, this would be a problem for Obama....

Glitter Bomb Strikes Tim Pawlenty At Book Signing

GOP presidential candidate and gay marriage opponent Tim something-or-other was unwisely lurking around signing books in known homosexual watering hole San Francisco when he was, as the kids say, "glitter-bombed." Code Pink activists dumped an envelope of pink glitter...