• The epic Gay vs. Mormon Civil War will now be fought–where else?–on Broadway. Gays have the home advantage, so Mormons will kick off. [AMERICAblog]
• Floridian polyadulterer Tim Mahoney refuses to stop showing up to meetings he wasn’t re-elected to go to. He says he intends to “ride this out,” that is, until it gets clingy and wants to go out to dinner all the time. [TPMMuckraker]
• Mostly embarrassing/formerly respected carpetbagger John McCain accused mostly embarrassing/formerly respected musician Jackson Browne of suing his campaign just for the publicity. Browne apparently put out an album a few months ago, as you are most certainly not aware. [HuffPost]
• Bill Clinton says he’s game to disclose information about his charities’ financial backers–some of them foreign–should this be necessary for Hillary’s vetting. [Daily Beast]
• Look at Saul Anuzis’ hilarious Twitter minutes about some meeting he realized was of course off-the-record. “My bad,” he Twits emoticonically. [Ben Smith]

Democratic Rep. Tim Mahoney, the freshman Congressman who took over gay pedophile Mark Foley’s Florida seat in 2006, has confessed that he boned that person Pat, and that he boned another Florida trailer trash county administrator, and that he has boned “multiple” other non-wife gals since forever. When asked HOW MANY EXACTLY, his frightening response was, “You’re asking me over a lifetime?” Yeah, c’mon people, he’s not a freaking abacus, he’s not a math numbers… scientist… expert… guy. The hell kind of a question is that? [AP]

THIRTEEN DAYS, people, THIRTEEN DAYS it took this year to hear about some sweet Cocktober 2008 action. People just aren’t having as much inappropriate scandal sex this year, who knows why, maybe because of the Surge. But. The man on the left is Democratic Congressman Tim Mahoney of Florida, famous for ousting perhaps the greatest Cocktoberist of all, gay child-fucker Mark Foley, in 2006. Mahoney defeated Mark Foley with a brilliant platform of being a living human who was not Mark Foley. But now Mahoney will lose that seat back to the Republicans, because he’s been fucking that “thing” on the right and paying it hush-up money. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Norm Dicks, chair of the House Appropriations subcommittee on Interior and environment, wears a jacket with the words “Mr. Chairman” emblazoned on the front. On Saturdays. While getting a haircut… No members of Congress at Madame Tussauds, thank god. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: All-around douchebag and Abramoff buddy Michael Scanlon is suing his ex-wife for all the money in the world plus one dollar… New York state legislator starting a bizarre Courage Cup controversy. Features this sentence: “We will have nothing further to do with this person or his imaginary polo activity….” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Darryl Strawberry was at Blue Gin Saturday night, where the hell were you? … NICOLAS CAGE IS COMING, PREPARE YOURSELF. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Staffer steals Rep. Tom Tancredo’s car, smashes it into another car, tells Cap Police he had permission. If it weren’t for stupid Libby we’d have just written about this all day long… Crazy former Marine sending crazy letters to congresswoman. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Tim Mahoney, who unseated Mark Foley, has directed his staff to communicate via instant messenger… David Gregory: Airport line skipper. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Dick Morris continues to entertain. He’s being served with a subpoena by the DC Madam who’s threatening to sell her client list, all while trying to make an anti-Hillary documentary. [WP] MORE »

• House ethics committee to investigate lawmakers handling of information concerning safety of Capitol pages, has no jurisdiction over now-resigned Foley himself. Hastert’s, “I haven’t done anything wrong” looking to be the, “I am not a crook” of the 21 st. century. [WP, NYT]

• Nice background piece on Hastert, his rise to speaker, and how he’s been eating out for every meal since 1986. [NYT]
• Completely crappy background piece on New Media’s role in politics, focuses on Drudge, mentions several radio shows. [WP]
• Border fence legislation must climb many obstacles to get built, irony lost on all. [WP]
• “White evangelical or born-again Christians” rethinking allegiance to GOP. [WP]
• Former Foley challenger, and soon-to-be Foley seat-taker Tim Mahoney’s campaign slogan, “to restore integrity to public office” attracts voters who want a candidate that can see the future. [WSJ no sub. req.]