Tag Archives: tim huelskamp

  Serious Empty Gestures Say The Most

Silly Obama, Air Force One Is Only For White Presidents

It was this or a hastily-shopped picture of Air Force One up on cinder blocks.
You may find this hard to believe, but not every Republican member of the House of Representatives thinks John Boehner’s Obama Sucks Act of 2014 is quite tough enough on Ineffectual Kenyan Usurper Weak Socialist Tyrant King Barack Hussein Obama. Instead of just passing a bill invalidating his recent executive action on immigration — which would just get vetoed anyway — some of Obama’s more strident teabagger critics want to vote for far stricter measures that would also just get vetoed, but would Send A Message. Read more on Silly Obama, Air Force One Is Only For White Presidents…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of Tawdry Trifling Trivia

Welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you a bunch of stories that didn’t quite merit their own posts but were too stupid to ignore altogether. As usual, we recommend you fortify yourself with whatever helps you get through reading it — alcohol, weed, or a +10 Potion of Protection From Idiocy. Our first story may not be the derpiest of the week, but it’s local to Yr Doktor Zoom, so deal. The Idaho Statesman reports that the Idaho Transportation Department has ordered Boise’s Woodland Empire Ale Craft to remove its sign, pictured above, because it looks too much like an official road sign. As far as we can tell, the sign has not caused any massive traffic delays, but the law’s the law, mang: “The main issue is one of Idaho Code,” department spokesman Reed Hollinshead said in an email. “Namely, you cannot imitate a highway sign or attempt to redirect the flow of traffic.” For their part, Woodland Empire owner Dusty Schmidt said that he and his partners in the microbrewery were just surprised that the state hadn’t taken action sooner against the sign, which has been up since January. He called the publicity over the sign and the order to remove it a success. The sign’s designer, Dave Cook, said in a news release, “All billboards distract drivers. Especially the good ones.” Discuss amongst yourselves: Advertising is just another form of trolling. Yr Dok Zoom drives by that place several times a week, but had somehow not noticed the sign. Guess it’s time to try the beer at least. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of Tawdry Trifling Trivia…
  clipbait

Rabid Douche Congressman Tim Huelskamp Gets Rabid Douche All Over Rachel Maddow (Video)

Some crazy shit went down after the State of the Union, and we’re not talking about Michael Grimm. Rachel Maddow asks Kansas Rep. Tim Huelskamp to elaborate on the tweets he sent during the speech, and he quickly accelerates from grumpy to bonkers. Say hello to your new anger-bear star, America! Read more on Rabid Douche Congressman Tim Huelskamp Gets Rabid Douche All Over Rachel Maddow (Video)…
  nice time or whatever oh fuck it

BREAKING! David Vitter Does Thing That Is Kind Of Okay

In breaking news-that-shouldn’t-be-news, a Republican Senator has publicly stated that he will help constituents if they call asking for help about a federal program! Ticker-tape parade! Balloons! A spread of the finest Ritz crackers and Costco-brand cheeses in all the land! Who is this brave Republican who will seek to actually help the people who elected him? None other than our favorite baby-cosplay-with-prostitutes-having politician, David Vitter (R-Red Light)! Per Think Progress: QUESTION: Is your office going to help constituents who might simply want to buy insurance? VITTER: Well, we’re helping folks in any way we can trying to get them good information… We field calls every day in my offices in Louisiana trying to help people with individual questions and circumstances and I would encourage folks to call my office to get that guidance and help. We are not sure whether or not the Senator is aware that diapers are not covered by Obamacare, but don’t tell him or he might change his mind.  Read more on BREAKING! David Vitter Does Thing That Is Kind Of Okay…
  great resistance movements

GOP Not Ready To Abandon Grand Strategy Of Achieving Success By Throwing Tantrums

All good Wonkiputians are aware that the GOP has spent five years branding itself as “The Party of No.” Since that hasn’t worked to stop the horror of gay people getting married or the communist tyranny of citizens having access to health insurance, the Republicans are now trying out a new slogan: The Party of We Don’t Wanna! First up, the homos and their insatiable quest to destroy straight marriage. Sometime this week the world will find out if the U.S. America’s highest court has decided to wave the white flag and surrender to the homosexual agenda. But a dedicated fifth column of conservatives will continue to fight on by doing, uh, something: Read more on GOP Not Ready To Abandon Grand Strategy Of Achieving Success By Throwing Tantrums…
  The Distinguished Gentlemen From Archer Daniels Midland

Hero GOP Reps Fight Back Against Tyranny Of Healthy School Lunches

Brave GOP legislators are fighting against the Kale Tyranny of Michelle Obama and her personal minions at the USDA, who are phasing in a fascist plan to require all school lunches to reduce their maximum calorie count and include servings of fruit and vegetables. Congressmen Steve King (R-Iowa/National Pork Producers Council) and Tim Huelskamp (R-Kansas/National Cattlemen’s Beef Assn) have re-introduced the “No Hungry Kids Act,” which would rescind the new USDA measures outlined in the “Healthy and Hunger-Free Kids Act.” And we must say, bravo! Nothing says “save the children” quite as well as removing “health” from the title of a bill about school nutrition. Read more on Hero GOP Reps Fight Back Against Tyranny Of Healthy School Lunches…
  Bitch Please

Not On My Show Says Joe on Morning Joe Morning Show

Joe Scarborough can’t stop talking about guns, and now he’s gone and shouted at poor Kansas Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R-Kansas) in an “explosion” (although if this is Joe Scarborough “exploding,” Yr. Wonkette concludes he must be a pretty chill bro) about assault weapons and children’s safety and DO YOU DARE COME ON MY SHOW blah blah blah because “politics.” Read more on Not On My Show Says Joe on Morning Joe Morning Show…
  no-longer-bleeding kansas

Barack Obama Racistly Kills Babies That Look Like Congressman’s Babies

Breaking news out of Kansas: There is a politician there who hates abortion. That politician, in this case, is Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R-MLK Memorial), who hates it so much he’s come up with an almost new way of explaining the situation: Obama is as racist as Planned Parenthood, which is to say, really racist. “I am the adoptive father of four children, each of them either — each of them either black, Hispanic, Native American,” he said. “And I am incensed that this president pays money to an entity that was created for the sole purpose of killing children that look like mine — a racist organization, and it continues specifically to target minorities for abortion destruction.” Read more on Barack Obama Racistly Kills Babies That Look Like Congressman’s Babies…
  god is in his heaven

How Many Stupid, Stupid Lawmakers Do We Have in Congress, Imperiling Very Existence of Life on Earth?

Exactly how many stupid, stupid people do we have in Congress these days, toiling away in the world’s most deliberative lawmaking body, making decisions that will probably imperil the very survival of the human race? And of these stupid, stupid people, how many are willing to talk to reporters and make good and sure that there is a RECORD of their stupidity for posterity? Turns out, quite a few! Read more on How Many Stupid, Stupid Lawmakers Do We Have in Congress, Imperiling Very Existence of Life on Earth?…