Tim “TurboTax” Geithner revealed his magic plan to save the economy and the banks and the Toxic Assets, and the Senate approved the Stimulated Package, and … the markets collapsed! Again. The Dow plunged 340+ points, which is basically what happens every time the government makes some big move to try to stop the collapse, going back to October 2007, when all this shit began to spill. What, exactly, are these traders expecting? MORE »

At some point during Barack Obama’s press conference last night — toward the end, after summarizing the major works of the European baroque period, but before reading the entire text of War and Peace in response to a question about baseball — he told reporters to hold onto their pants, because Tim Geithner’s first big press conference Tuesday morning was going to blow their fucking minds. How did it go? Eh, big numbers being tossed around, a lot of crying, the whimpering sounds of a crumbling Empire, crumbling, crumble crumb crumb… MORE »

Mexican-using payroll cheater Tim “Turbo Tax” Geithner has been approved by the Senate Finance Committee! This means the full Senate will surely anoint him our new Financial Dictator, and then the Economy will be saved, hooray! Geithner is best known for being heavily involved in the disastrous Paulson Bailout Scheme, which has done nothing but burn up $700 billion. Change! [New York Times]

Financial wizard Timothy Geithner is thisclose to becoming our next President of Money, but two things stand in his way: he failed to file payroll taxes for a few years, and he hired a housekeeper who was a temporary space alien. One can’t do anything about his monster-changeling maid, as this is a common affliction of people who apply for fancy cabinet positions, but the tax thing obviously cannot stand. However, Senator Chuck Grassley — a veritable Republican, and thus a hater of all things tax-related — tried to help him out in a hearing today. MORE »

Oh everybody was soooo excited that this New York guy, Tim “Timothy” Geithner, had deigned to be Barack Obama’s treasury secretary. But now it comes out that for several years he paid state and federal income taxes but no payroll taxes! Well, everybody knows that payroll taxes are just for poor people anyway. They’re not even “real” taxes. MORE »

HE MUST SACRIFICE THE MEXICAN AS PUNISHMENT.

…HE MUST ALSO EAT THE MEXICAN. [YouTube, AP]

Oh dang! Rumor has it that Tim Geithner, our Treasury Secretary-to-be, does not care for our beloved Sheila Bair and her maverick ways. Bair is the chairman of the FDIC and one of the few high-profile Bush administration appointees to very repeatedly and publicly bang the drum about how if our financial crisis is ultimately due to people’s mortgages going south, maybe we ought to work on fixing those bad mortgages. She’s a working class hero! So naturally, Giethner hates her guts. MORE »