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Posts Tagged ‘tim geithner’

DAY TRADERS

Economic Rescue Causes Market Collapse

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

This time it's different!Tim “TurboTax” Geithner revealed his magic plan to save the economy and the banks and the Toxic Assets, and the Senate approved the Stimulated Package, and … the markets collapsed! Again. The Dow plunged 340+ points, which is basically what happens every time the government makes some big move to try to stop the collapse, going back to October 2007, when all this shit began to spill. What, exactly, are these traders expecting? MORE »


THROW ANOTHER LOG ONTO THE FIRE

Tim Geithner Outlines Plan For Digitally Remastered Deluxe Edition TARP

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

At some point during Barack Obama’s press conference last night — toward the end, after summarizing the major works of the European baroque period, but before reading the entire text of War and Peace in response to a question about baseball — he told reporters to hold onto their pants, because Tim Geithner’s first big press conference Tuesday morning was going to blow their fucking minds. How did it go? Eh, big numbers being tossed around, a lot of crying, the whimpering sounds of a crumbling Empire, crumbling, crumble crumb crumb… MORE »


OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY

Senate Okays Geithner, Who Can’t Balance His Own Checkbook

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

That's not Chance we can believe in.Mexican-using payroll cheater Tim “Turbo Tax” Geithner has been approved by the Senate Finance Committee! This means the full Senate will surely anoint him our new Financial Dictator, and then the Economy will be saved, hooray! Geithner is best known for being heavily involved in the disastrous Paulson Bailout Scheme, which has done nothing but burn up $700 billion. Change! [New York Times]


MATH AND NUMBERS

Turbo Tax Was Fiend Behind Geithner’s Tiny Error!

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

He should've just used one of these doodads.Financial wizard Timothy Geithner is thisclose to becoming our next President of Money, but two things stand in his way: he failed to file payroll taxes for a few years, and he hired a housekeeper who was a temporary space alien. One can’t do anything about his monster-changeling maid, as this is a common affliction of people who apply for fancy cabinet positions, but the tax thing obviously cannot stand. However, Senator Chuck Grassley — a veritable Republican, and thus a hater of all things tax-related — tried to help him out in a hearing today. MORE »


HE CANNOT DO MATH

Tim Geithner, Horrible Tax Cheapskate

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

LamerOh everybody was soooo excited that this New York guy, Tim “Timothy” Geithner, had deigned to be Barack Obama’s treasury secretary. But now it comes out that for several years he paid state and federal income taxes but no payroll taxes! Well, everybody knows that payroll taxes are just for poor people anyway. They’re not even “real” taxes. MORE »


OH NO BLAHHHH

Tim Geithner Forgot To Pay Some Taxes And Then Had A Mexican Housekeeper!

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

HE MUST SACRIFICE THE MEXICAN AS PUNISHMENT.

…HE MUST ALSO EAT THE MEXICAN. [YouTube, AP]


BEAN-COUNTER POLITICS

Catfight! Geithner Doesn’t Like Bair

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

Fat cat.Oh dang! Rumor has it that Tim Geithner, our Treasury Secretary-to-be, does not care for our beloved Sheila Bair and her maverick ways. Bair is the chairman of the FDIC and one of the few high-profile Bush administration appointees to very repeatedly and publicly bang the drum about how if our financial crisis is ultimately due to people’s mortgages going south, maybe we ought to work on fixing those bad mortgages. She’s a working class hero! So naturally, Giethner hates her guts. MORE »