December 9, 2013
No more coke ‘n hookers Treasury Department birthday parties for you, Tim Geithner. Hard times, indeed. [Treasury Department Flickr]
WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WE HAVE WON THE CONTEST TO SPEND THE MOST MONEY! It’s official: The U.S. government hit the debt ceiling on Monday, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner told Congress. Geithner said he would have to suspend investments in federal retirement funds until Aug. 2 in order to create room for the [...]
After carefully inspecting “the Treasury Secretary’s calendar,” Bloomberg News has revealed that Tim Geithner had a top-secret meeting with teevee comic Jon Stewart. What could this mean, besides “Tim Geithner probably doesn’t put ‘secret’ meetings on his calendar”? Brace yourself: The reason, according to a Treasury spokesperson: “Jon Stewart is influential in America, so we [...]
Barack Obama would like to sing a love ballad with the economy, but the economy is sick and bed-ridden and being a real dick right now, so he has to make speeches to the American people about it, and did so this afternoon in Ohio. Yes, the media would prefer to talk about some random [...]
Yay here is your Friday News Roundup of somebody else’s News Roundup regarding Tim Geithner and Larry Summers getting beaten up by greybeards Joe Biden and Paul Volcker! Biden and Volcker are, combined, 150 years old and 150 feet tall; also they are liberal hippies.
Fancy newspaper columnist Edmund Andrews wrote a book about why you should buy his book so the proceeds of his book can go to paying off his subprime mortgage. AIG gave it a AAA rating, which is why the entire universe has already pre-ordered on Amazon. [Matt Taibbi] Back when Money Czar Henry Paulson ran [...]
Oh hey here is a novel idea: in order to save our tragically beleaguered financial system, we must 1) replace the management at failing banks and 2) liquidate the banks that are completely hosed beyond repair. This makes sense to pretty much everyone, and our new boyfriend Simon Johnson said something like that a while [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonWell, if Prince is singing about AIG or something, then the recession must officially be sexy! It all makes sense, really: most pastimes Americans have up to this point enjoyed involve spending gobs of money ultimately derived from home equity lines of credit — with the sexy exception of sex, which is [...]
In the beloved tradition of “Is Eliot Spitzer Secret Phone Muppet?”, we bring you this picture of Treasury creep Tim “Turbo Tax” Geithner and this pot-reeking piano-playing lunatic from the classic kids film Reefer Madness. Have these two ever been seen together? No wonder Obama doesn’t want to legalize his dope — then Geithner would [...]
Earlier we showed Barney Frank yelling at the goddamn Code Pink hippies on multiple occasions, but what else happened during this latest 94-hour grandstanding spectacle of a House Financial Services Committee hearing? Why the economy got saved, of course! Ha ha. (Kill us.) America’s C-SPAN watchers did, however, get to see such luminaries as Ron [...]
Here’s your “Tuesday Lunch Video,” hooray! During today’s House Financial Services Committee hearings with archvillains Ben Bernanke and Tim Geithner, Barney Frank interrupted each of them to admonish the daring Code Pink protesters in the room, who came with their usual cardboard signs and cat calls and what not. He told them to “grow up” [...]
The stock market has rallied in response to Tim Geithner’s latest details on his plan to fix America’s Banks by giving them lots of money for their trash, which makes sense, because the new plan is good good GOOD for Wall Street! Imagine a world where the government put up like 85% of the financing [...]
Really, this rigmarole about Chris Dodd being the lyingest liar of liars who is responsible for the AIG bonuses because he took money from their contributors before the company broke down is… weak. Trite even!
By the Comics CurmudgeonHa ha, another week gone, another week in which our economy and the posh lifestyle it has afforded us continues to circle the drain, leading us inevitably towards despair! This has of course led to much finger-pointing, recrimination, etc. Should Tim Geithner be in charge of the Treasury? Should the entire class [...]
Eek, would you want to be locked in a room getting yelled at by Henry Waxman for hours and hours? Because that is how Tim Geithner got to spend his Monday night, hooray! He has the worst job in America, worse even than those people who clean up murder scenes or give Rush Limbaugh enemas.